April 26, 2016 - J.K. Simmons, Jane Krakowski, Chris Wallace

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Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 129 (Tuesday, April 26, 2016)
GUESTS: J.K. Simmons | Jane Krakowski | Chris Wallace
FEATURING: Bill Walton (as Guest Announcer)
SEGMENTS: Bill Walton Introduces The Late Show | Monologue - Let’s Talk About Bathrooms | Trump Goes Full Lunchroom Bully on Kasich | Cartoon Trump Admits It’s All An Act | J.K. Simmons | Jane Krakowski | Chris Wallace
SUIT REPORT: Navy Suit | White Shirt | Teal/Navy/Grey Striped Tie

Cartoon Donald Trump reveals that he has been waffling between two identities throughout the campaign to achieve his “final form”: a beautiful Butterfly Trump.

Stephen broaches the topic of transgender bathroom laws banding about in southern state legislatures, and discusses his fear and loathing of public restrooms in general. He asks fans not try to shake his hand, sidle up to him, or try to make small talk while in the public restroom with him. It skeeves him out! He concludes by saying, “And to all those lawmakers who are so obsessed with who is using what bathroom and what kind of plumbing they’ve got downtown, newsflash! You’re the weirdos.”

“And to all those lawmakers who are so obsessed with who is using what bathroom and what kind of plumbing they’ve got downtown, newsflash! You’re the weirdos.”

After crossing to the desk, Stephen tackles Trump’s latest tactic: insulting John Kasich’s (admittedly kinda gross) eating habits.

All of this talk of Trump’s punchy, aggressive style causes Stephen to reflect on the immediate future of the Trump campaign, and who better to ask than Old Friend of the Show, Cartoon Donald Trump.

  • These attacks on eating habits really miss the days when a candidate stuck to issues of substance, like the size of their hands and their penises.
  • It’s outrageous behavior like this and insults like this that have shot Trump to the top of the polls. But a lot of Republicans fear that the very thing that has made him so popular in the primaries will doom Trump in the entire Republican party in the general election, so a [Trump aide] told a closed-door meeting of worried Republican leaders that Trump’s outrageous public person is “all an act.”
  • He’s just pretending to be an offensive loose cannon. Just like the GOP will soon be pretending it’s happy he’s the nominee.
  • This revelation raises some serious questions. Who’s the real Donald Trump? Is he a cartoonish ego maniac? Or an entirely different kind of maniac? Here to answer those questions, please welcome Cartoon Donald Trump.

Stephen: This brash, shoot-from-the-hip style, your supporters love it, but is it all just an act?
Cartoon Trump: Well come on, Stephen, are you serious? (affects a pretentious voice) Of course it’s an act. […] C’mon, old bean, you didn’t seriously think I believed what I was saying during this campaign? If so, you’re even crazier than I’ve been pretending to be!
Stephen: You’ve been acting like this for years.
Cartoon Trump: It’s the long con, Stephen. The Apprentice never would’ve worked if my catchphrase had been, “I’m afraid we are going to have to let you go…”
Stephen: So let me get this straight. Everything you’ve said in the campaign until now is…
Cartoon Trump:….a show, a charade, a bit of razzle-dazzle for the peasants in the cheap seats.
Stephen: You don’t seem at all guilty that you’ve lied this whole time.
Cartoon Trump: Well two things are true. I actually do want to deport the Mexicans, and my penis is huge. It’s the best, it got a blue ribbon at my club’s Penis Regatta.
Stephen: So you can just turn your Trumpiness on and off at will?
Cartoon Trump: (in Jersey accent) Absolutely, I’m the greatest character actor of all time! Meryl Streep can kiss my ass! (in pretentious voice) Kidding, of course, Meryl’s a friend, love you Mer Bear.
Stephen: So which Trump are we going to see from now on in this campaign?
Cartoon Trump: Neither Stephen, this isn’t even my final form. Check it out (metamorphoses into a butterfly) Behold your new president! I’m beautiful!

The interviews this episode are really fun, and a little kinky, with JK Simmons discussing having to look scrawny and unkempt in a new film he just wrapped that his wife co-wrote and directed. This prompts a lengthy discussion about how he looks naked. Much of this ribbing comes from the fact that Stephen professes to be a big fan of Simmons, and Stephen praises his character and acting and diverse body of work. He also comments on how Simmons rose to prominence as an actor in his 40s.

The second part of the interview features a “Stern-Dad-Off,” with both actors taking turns giving the audience the most modest amount of Stern Dad Praise possible. The “distant authority figure” father is a topic that Stephen talked about on the old show, so it’s nice to see it resurrected and parodied here:

Jane Krakowski is on and talks about her early origin on Broadway with a failed show with a young Robert Downey, Jr., and the challenges of doing Broadway shows each night, particularly on one’s vocal chords. She then displays a picture of her vocal chords (which kind of looks like something else, if you get my drift) and describes in graphic detail how a therapist rearranges her larynx for the purposes of supporting her voice. Again, kinky stuff.

Therapeutically modified pipes and all, she joins Stephen in a lovely duet celebrating “Unsung Heroes.”

Finally, Chris Wallace is on deck. It’s pleasantly surprising to find that Wallace is tough in regards to his treatment of Trump, refusing to phone interview him and insisting he appear on his show in person. He also talks about hanging out with George Clooney, and when Stephen asks him if he hangs out with celebrities a lot, he says, “well, I am hanging out with one now!” Sweet.

Let us know of what you thought of the episode in the comments!

  • Mrc
    • Gina

      Thanks Mrc, you rock!

  • Superb ep guide, Gina. “And to all those lawmakers who are so obsessed with who is using what bathroom and what kind of plumbing they’ve got downtown, newsflash! You’re the weirdos.” Bravo, Stephen! What a clever way to put it to all of the bigoted politicians.

    JK Simmons is such a cool guy and amazing actor. I really liked his interview. The “Stern Father” bit was hilarious. I had a stern father, so I know the feeling!

    I adore Jane Krakowski. She was fantastic on “30 Rock” and now she’s fantastic on “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.” She’s just so good at playing prima donnas. Krakowski has a beautiful voice and I was hoping that she would sing with Stephen. Loved the song!

    I’m not a fan of Chris Wallace, especially since he works for Fox News. So I was surprised to see how cordial he was to Stephen.

    Always a pleasure to see Cartoon Trump! I’m glad that this is an ongoing bit.

    • Gina

      Yes, Chris Wallace was so nice. It’s not that I didn’t think he would be nice, but he was very respectful of Stephen. Every time O’Reilly is on he says something smarmy to Stephen (alliteration!) and I want to punch- (*remembers to charitable*)- never mind.

      Thanks bestie! 😉

    • Vansen

      I like that Colbert always tries to be courteous in his interviews, even if he disagrees with a guest, and I think he hopes that LSSC will be a space where people with differing opinions can have rigorous, but respectful, conversations. I really appreciate it when his guests reciprocate, for example, I thought Megyn Kelly was quite polite and engaged during her interview. In contrast, Bill O’Reilly was very rude and pompous when he visited the show, which says volumes about his attitude to difference.

      • I always love reading your comments, Vansen. You are very insightful and I’m glad that you are part of The Hub community.

        • Vansen

          Thanks, Katie! I always enjoy reading your comments too, and those of the other Hubsters. It’s a genuinely nice community here, and it’s great being able to discuss the show in a pleasant forum like this.

  • Vansen

    Great opening monologue. I really enjoy seeing Colbert talking about issues like the transgender bathroom laws, and his pivot to the punchline was great. Previously, there’ve been some topics on which he’s seemed reluctant to express an opinion directly, so it’s fantastic to see him speaking out on issues like this, not only through excellent satirical pieces (the Lincoln/Lee bit was great), but also by finding funny, thoughtful and incisive ways to say it in his own voice. People have sometimes commented that for Colbert to perform the old character was a Ginger Rogers-type feat, where everything had to be done psychologically “backwards and in high heels”. My mind boggles at what it would take to unlearn that to an extent, and to start dancing forwards and in flats again. I’m glad Colbert is finding a way to say what he wants in his own voice.

    I also noticed that Colbert’s gone back to referring to women performers as “actors” rather than “actresses”, which makes me very happy. I hope this becomes a permanent part of the LSSC style guide.

    I like the idea of guest announcers. It could be a fun way to squeeze in an extra guest for a short cameo, especially now that they’re doing pre-recorded cold opens. You could do some cool things with that grab, like showcase someone interesting who might not necessarily sustain a seven-minute interview. You could even do some fun stuff with locations. I’m curious to see what they do with this space.

  • K.V. Lady

    I’m not the only one who has noted the similarities between young Colbert and young Downey

  • K.V. Lady

    Colbert Hallucinations! We just see him everywhere!

  • MA Rod

    My husband and I were there! Second row; almost directly in front of Stephen during the monologue! It was amazing and surreal! The interview with Phil Knight was also filmed at the end of this show, however, it aired at a later date! (Hence, the same suit and tie a few nights later!)

    First off, he came out dancing and that was a treat! I love Stephen’s dancing! Someone in the audience asked him what his favorite joke is. Stephen said that his favorite joke is one his daughter made up about a dog being in a cow’s mouth. Someone also asked him what he loved about living in New York. Stephen answered so honestly and emotionally about how he enjoys seeing landmarks around the city that remind him of his parents and when they used to live there. He said his mother worked at Tiffany and they would leave milk on the front for her every day because she was so skinny. He said that he loves that all of those places are still there and he can still see them. He was absolutely lovely!

    • Thank you so much for sharing your experience, MA Rod! You are so right - those answers are absolutely lovely!