June 12, 2013 — Paul McCartney

The Colbert Report episode guide EPISODE NUMBER: 9115 (June 12, 2013)
GUESTS: Paul McCartney
SEGMENTS: Stephen Colbert’s Tribute to Having Paul McCartney on His Show | NSA Scandal Developments | Paul McCartney – “I’ve Just Seen a Face” | NYC Bike Share | Paul McCartney – “Hi, Hi, Hi” & “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!” | Paul McCartney – “Listen to What the Man Said” | Paul McCartney – “Lady Madonna”
EXCLUSIVE: Paul McCartney “Birthday”
SUIT REPORT: Navy Pin Striped Suit | White Shirt | Light Blue Spotted Tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Stephen Colbert at Abbey Road

It was an emotional experience as an epic Stephen fan to watch this episode. I can’t think of a better person than Stephen, who inspires so many, to have someone on that inspires him so as well. But what was that about buying Gordon Lightfoot before Hey, Jude? Seriously?! That’s a tough thing to admit in the presence of Sir Paul. We have plenty more to share, please give us your thoughts after the jump.

Stephen Colbert shrug

“With a greeting like that, do you know how you make me feel? Like a rock star.”

Stephen Colbert’s Tribute to Having Paul McCartney on His Show

Stephen Colbert's Tribute to Having Paul McCartney on His Show

Some favorite “album covers”:

Stephen Colbert Revolver Album Cover

Stephen Colbert Wings Over America

Stephen Colbert Beatles Animation

Interspersed throughout the songs was a “yellow submarine”-inspired animation of Stephen doing his usual post-song thank you’s. My favorite: “That was truly fab!”

  • You are here on a very special night. Do you want to know why? That’s a trick question. Every night on this show is special. Let’s say tonight I am sporting some serious Norweigan Wood, because my guest is Sir Paul McCartney!
  • All in all, [McCartney’s music catalogue is comprised of] some of the most timeless songs ever bought by Michael Jackson.
  • In 2009, the Guinness Book of World Records named Paul the “Most Successful Songwriter of All Time.” He’s like Lee Redmond, if hit records were finger nails.
  • In fact, the first album I ever bought with my own money was Gordon Lightfoot’s Don Quijote. But the second album was Hey, Jude. Young people, people used to BUY music. ’70s were a crazy time.

Stephen explains his experience of booking McCartney on his show. He got schooled in the ways of dealing with a true Rock Star:

Stephen Colbert pout face

Now Sir Paul’s presence here tonight does not mean I am going to run tonight’s show any differently than usual. He may be a giant, but this is The Colbert Report, not the McCartney ReCartney. […] I call the shots in this building…I let Sir Paul know, it’s a half hour show, you have time for one song. He immediately agreed to do an hour long show, with six songs. (audience cheers)

So I told him that we rehearse at 5:00 and tape at 7:00, he said he had to leave by 4:00, we’ll be taping at 3 which is 7 somewhere on the Atlantic ocean. I explained that taping so early would mean we’d need him here at 11 AM for rehearsal and he agreed to get here when he got here. And as with any musical guest, we have to secure the broadcast right to their songs, clear the lyrics with legal, and, of course nail down our lighting and camera angles so I told Sir Paul we absolutely has to know in advance what songs he’d be playing. He said, “I understand completely. I’ll decide when I get there.”

Anyway, you people are the luckiest studio audience of all time! Dig it, dig it, Daddio! This is going to be a 150-person Paul McCartney concert. You hear that, Oprah? You and your free cars can suck it.

NSA Scandal Developments

  • Now folks, you out there in the non-free Paul McCartney private concert world they’re still sifting through the blockbuster revelations about the NSA’s cyber surveillance program PRISM. Millions of Americans whose internet privacy has been violated are shocked to learn that anything on the internet was ever private.
  • [on Snowden being fired] Ooh, fired! That can’t be easy in this job market. Plus he doesn’t have any references. He only has all of yours.
  • One yottabyte is equivalent to 200 trillion DVDs. Which is approximately how many DVDs I am behind on Game of Thrones. So no one tell me about the Red Wedding!
  • The intimate details I share from my gmail account are no business of Big Government. They are for one purpose only: so I can get targeted ads for boner pills.
Statue of Liberty with microphone

“Evidently that torch of freedom is only for Americans. For the rest of the world, she is holding a boom mike.”

Stephen Colbert shouting Goal

“Now to ensure that they were limiting their search to non-Americans, PRISM’s data analysts would key in search terms that are designed to produce at least 51% confidence in a target’s ‘foreignness.’
It was simple, they just used search terms Americans weren’t familiar with, such as ‘portion control,’ ‘paid maternity leave,’ and ‘gooaaallllll!!'”

NYC Bike Share

Okay, so the writer’s went crazy on this little diatribe. It was hilarious, but I really had to ransack Wikipedia to get all the references right. Fie, fie, I say to you, TCR writers!

  • I don’t see why we need this, we already have a bike program with unlimited access for just the price of bolt cutters.
  • Dorothy [Rabinowitz] represents the majority of citizens of New York. Ask anyone in Chelsea and they will tell you they are a friend of Dorothy.

Begrimed! Befouled! Be-dirtied! Now when you are ambulating around the historic West Village, a gaudy blue rack of bikes will take away from the simple beauty of the Cherry Boxxx Discount Dildo Shop. For shame! For shame!

And these bikes are not the only new-fangled eye sore besmirching our fair city. Why must we have all these garish terminals for the subterranean way, or the “subway,” as it is called by the slack jawed chuds. I don’t mind the laboring masses trundling about underground, but must we provide them means of egress? Like a house plant or a moth they’ll seek out the light and emerge to the public promenade to spread their workman’s diseases among their social betters. I ask you, who will pay for the ether to treat my fish monger’s ague?

I’ll tell you when this city became unfit for civilized life. It was the advent of the interior vertical be-cabled car, forcing those of us with delicate constitutions to share a rattling Funicular with a chatty vulgarian dressed in the uniform of an organ grinder’s monkey.

I, for one, prefer the simpler days of yore, being conveyed to my apartment by four stout Eunuchs. Fie, fie I say on your bi-cycles! We shall return.

Interview – Paul McCartney

Stephen Colber interviews Paul McCartney

Courtesy of The Colbert Report’s Facebook Page

Stephen stated in the interview that he had now “boned up” on Paul McCartney’s work and was “now” a big fan since their first meeting four years ago, but it seemed to be the other way around, with McCartney getting to now know (and respect) Colbert. Perhaps his wife Nancy got him hep to the Stephen? The Colbert Report is now showing regularly in Britain? Either way, I was impressed with how Sir Paul so warmly responded to our fearless host’s questions. I dare say Paul got a big kick out of him, really laughing at his jokes, which was great to see. I had to laugh at the way McCartney described his early attempts at song writing. Even with Stephen’s female fan base being comprised of usually intellectual and accomplished women, we probably wouldn’t mind hearing Stephen sing a song consisting of the lyrics “Thank you, girl. From me to YOU. Please, please, me. P.S. I love you.”

Also, it was awesome to hear from Paul’s own mouth about the dissolution of the Beatles. So many rumors have swirled around the break up for so many years, it was refreshing to hear in a candid, casual way how McCartney truly felt at the height of Beatles fame.

Stephen Colbert and Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney on The Colbert Report

Paul explains to Stephen the overly simplistic way he and John Lennon wrote songs early on in the Beatles’ tenure, mainly to appease their rabid female fan base.

Stephen Colbert with Beatles Trading Card

Stephen confronts McCartney with an old Beatles “trading card” that lists the famous vegetarian’s favorite food as “roast beef.”

Paul McCartney Trading Card

Paul McCartney on being a Vegetarian

Paul sheepishly responds: “I used to be a bad person, Stephen!”