December 16, 2014 — Kendrick Lamar

EPISODE NUMBER: 11038 (December 16, 2014)
GUESTS: Kendrick Lamar | Jason Bordoff
SEGMENTS: Jeb Bush’s Presidential Ambitions | Oil War - Jason Bordoff | Colbert Platinum - Holiday Gift Edition | Kendrick Lamar | Kendrick Lamar - “Untitled”
SUIT REPORT: Black suit | Blue shirt | Black tie w/ purple stripes
VIDEOS: Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Stephen hands the naming rights of his show to Dewars scotch, in a final act of sponsor-related shenanigans.

By handing over the naming rights to the show to a liquor company, slamming O’Reilly on Monday’s Formidable Opponent, and drenching Jeb Bush’s presidential ambitions in a deluge of sarcasm, little by little Team Stephen is spending its last week on the air shedding the vestiges of the show that likely provoked the most frustration, at least in terms of production. I see a lot of Stephen laughing and giggling behind his desk - clearly he is enjoying the prospect of dismantling the gears that make the Joy Machine go and preparing the way for Grimmy - whatever he is going to do! Stephen is going to go out of this with a smile, and, I hope, a deep sense of satisfaction.

Stephen has been saying lately at the top of the show how much he appreciates we the viewers, and how much of a privilege it is for him to be welcomed into our homes each night, but I can’t help but say it’s the other way around, sir - it’s truly been a privilege for him to be in ours. When you look at the programming options available on television today, The Colbert Report has been a lone voice of silly, silly reason in the wasteland of politics and pop culture.

It has been a privilege for me to cover this show, and share my thoughts with you these three and a half years. I wish we could have done a better job in being the best fansite for The Colbert Report, but with limited resources and time reserves we have tried our very best to share our passion with all of you. Thank you to all of you for your readership and support. I hope we can all together continue to support Stephen in some fashion as he moves on to the new show.

What did you think of tonight’s show? The Colbert Report’s last musical guest? How are you feeling about the show beginning its final descent? I will have quotes and way too many screen caps in a shortly.

Stephen is making his real feelings clear in these last remaining days. Bye partisanship, indeed!

Jeb Bush’s Presidential Ambitions

• For a second, it looked like ending my show in 2014 would keep me from covering the 2016 presidential race. But then I realized that’s only true if I care about being accurate. And luckily for me, 2016 came early this year.

Breaking news just in, Jeb Bush making it official- well, officially exploring a run for President of the United States. He has decided to actively explore running for president in 2016.

“That’s right, Jeb’No W’ Bush has now formed a presidential exploratory committee, which makes two if you count the one he was born into. Excuse me, I’m- I’m just getting a little emotional. I never thought i’d live to see America’s first third Bush president.”

• I mean, I mean, think really hard? When was the last time you heard a Bush say that? Now, it turns out all this time Jeb was just working through the five stages of running for president- denial, thinking,acceptance of money from donors, vacationing in Iowa, and then, the final tragic stage, pancakes. Run, Jeb, run!

Oil War - Jason Bordoff

“Less than $2 a gallon. That is so cheap. Now, I don’t just fill up my tank. I fill up the whole damn car. It’s dangerous. It’s exciting, but it’s dangerous.”

Colbert Platinum - Holiday Gift Edition

• Remember, this segment is for platinum members only. So if you had to bleach your regular tiger to get it white, why don’t you run along and buy some sweat pants with words on the butt. (They’re probably gone by now.)

• Folks, the holidays are all about family, and there’s no better gift for your family than donating money to get your family name on as many things as possible.

• It’s the best way to give to your community a sense of just how rich you are. Just ask billionaire industrialist David H. Koch. He’s got the David H. Koch Plaza. At the metropolitan museum. The David H. Koch Ballet Theater, and the Natural History Museum’s David H. Koch dinosaur wing. The “h,,” of course, is for humble.

• And getting your name plastered everywhere is the closest we can come to immortality.

• But as one Platinum Family recently learned, immortality doesn’t last forever.

• If you’re a fan of Avery Fisher hall at Lincoln Center, get ready for the sound of a new name. The concert space will undergo major renovations costing a half billion dollars. Major donors will have to be courted to pay for it, and that would include naming rights. The Lincoln Center is paying Avery Fisher’s children $15 Million to drop his name.

• They gave up the naming rights to Avery Fisher hall for a lousy $15 million? For that kind of chump change you can’t get the naming rights to Daryl Hall.

• Folks, the lesson I take fromthis is that somebody out there can make a ton of money by selling the naming rights. And Platinum Daddy wants in on this one. So with just two days left- and this is true- I sold the naming rights to my show to Dewar’s scotch.

Prepare to be treated by the first “Colbert Report” completely commercialized Intro ever…Drink responsibly! (screeching eagle).

• Folks, I have to say it was an easy decision to go with Dewar’s. One, their check cleared. Well, that’s it, for the last-ever edition of Colbert Platinum. So good-bye to my ‘high-net-worth viewers.’ I’ll see you when they line us up against the wall.

Interview - Kendrick Lamar

Kendrick - Lamar “Untitled”

Fitting that the last musical guest feature dark lighting, a bare set up, title-less song, matching the sparseness of the studio itself at present: