December 1, 2014 — Senator John McCain

EPISODE NUMBER: 11029 (December 1, 2014)
GUESTS: Sen. John McCain
VOICE OVER: Gregory Hollimon
SEGMENTS: Intro - 12/1/14 | Lightsaber Controversy | Ferguson Fallout and the St. Louis Rams | Jihadis of the High Seas | John McCain | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Navy Suit | White Shirt | Maroon tie
VIDEOS: Monday, December 1, 2014

Welcome back to the show, Hubsters! Stephen was in fine form, complete with a total geek-out over the Star Wars: Episode VII trailer. It is an unbelievable story that he got to check out the original Star Wars film two weeks before it actually came out in 1977. Somehow, appropriate that it would happen to sci-fi aficionado Stephen. In spite of this pretty amazing connection to Star Wars, I doubt very much it competes with his love of Tolkien and LoTR.

It was nice that he took so much time to riff about Star Wars, because obviously the news has been pretty bleak, what with the unrest in Ferguson and now, St. Louis. He did get around to it, however, and gave the police’s criticism of black dissent in Missouri a scathing critique of his own. I always like when the audience is hushed by Stephen’s honest audacity (see the end of the segment.)

Also, we got a treat with the lovely Greg Hollimon (Principal Blackman from Strangers with Candy) voice-overing the seasons-missing Colbert Cruise! Join ISIL in style! By way of Guantanamo! I love Greg’s distinctive, bass voice and he always rises to the challenge with whatever wacky accent required of him.

Finally, Senator McCain. What did you guys think? It seems the Senator’s appearance is long overdue, as others have noted he was on TDS so, so many times. Clearly, he is comfortable with the satirical format. I think his book is a noble effort, but his comments about Syria to Stephen are going to make some news. McCain is a big time War Hawk, despite his assertions that war is horrible. Sending troops into Syria is controversial move, and one that ought to be thoroughly debated. Will that happen, or will, as McCain intimated, the decision come from Obama’s small circle of advisors in the White House? We will have to stay tuned.

Lots of eye candy, quotes, and caps to come - why not sound off about your favorite moments of the ep in the comments?

Intro - 12/1/14

Tonight! I look at the protests in Ferguson, though they are a little hard to see through the tear gas. And then, ISIS finds a new way to recruit. That’s one more Linkedin request to delete. And my guest is Arizona Senator John McCain, though you probably know him bestas the man who launched Sarah Palin’s TV career. Researchers are developing a breathalyzer that detects marijuana. The best part is, you can turn it into a bong. This is The Colbert Report!

Lightsaber Controversy

“The new Star Wars trailer dropped over Thanksgiving weekend. And it was all anyone in my family could talk about. Which, unfortunately, lead to my Aunt Rita saying some horribly racist things about the Gungan.”

“Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying but Stephen, in the trailer the first light beam comes out before the other two. How could it all be one beam? Well, Greg, it’s simple. You just need three focusing crystal activators to split the plasma into perpendicular blade energy channels. Confused? Well, you’ll understand in two weeks when you catch up with where I’m at. I have had it! Amateur hour is over. The pros are taking it over on this one.”

Ferguson Fallout and the St. Louis Rams

Stephen’s character is such a(n albeit adorable) snob sometimes, throwing some shade on St. Louis:

“Folks, these demonstrations have been a sobering reminder that St. Louis exists. I thought they were supposed to leave ages ago through that star gate they built.”

Stephen’s Sound Advice: “Hands up, too inflammatory. Hands in pockets, too threatening. This trick, looks like you’re stealing the thumb. Also, avoid- jazz hands! Because jazz hands lead to heroin hands, okay? All right. And no ‘I’m a Little Teapot, okay? You’re just asking for a cop to yell ‘he’s got a spout, start firing!'”

“And the most threatening thing a black person can do is ‘Here’s the church, here’s the steeple,’ because when you open the doors look at all the black people, that could be a riot….you’re going to get tear gassed.”

Jihadis of the High Seas

“These Jihadis of the Ji-high seas must be stopped. Which is why I’m excited to relaunch the Colbert Cruise, my wildly popular series of nautical vacations that I have not mentioned in eight years. My latest Colbert Cruise is guaranteed to trap any would-be terrorist.”

Interview - John McCain

My guest tonight needs no introduction. So I won’t.