April 30, 2014 – Audra McDonald

EPISODE NUMBER: 10097 (April 30, 2014)
GUESTS: Audra McDonald | Clay Aiken
SEGMENTS: Intro - 4/30/14 | President Assad’s Reelection Bid | Republican Advantage in the 2014 Midterms | Republican Advantage in the 2014 Midterms - Clay Aiken | America’s First Lesbian Throuple | Audra McDonald | Audra McDonald - “What a Little Moonlight Can Do”
EXCLUSIVE: Audra McDonald - “God Bless the Child”
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Navy and Red Spotted Tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Stephen looks magnificent in black & white as Audra McDonald prepares to channel a very convincing Billie Holiday.

Hubsters, can you believe it’s May 1st already? Spring is (supposed to be) here, Stephen’s birthday is coming up, and we have this beautiful little ep to consider. Audra McDonald definitely gave her best performance ever on the Report last night. She creates an eerily accurate conveyance of Billie Holiday, which is challenging considering that her operatic voice is not suited for Billie’s completely unique style. Certainly, she earned everyone’s respect for a great version of “What a Little Moonlight Can Do” — with fantastic supporting musicians to boot! They should have had waiters going around the studio serving cocktails. You have a whole show and night out right there.

Also, exciting to see fellow awesome singer (but he’s totally not one right now, ok, don’t ask him!) and congressional candidate Clay Aiken. He makes a strong case for his candidacy - here’s hoping his constituents in the Fightin’ 2nd give him a shot.

Finally, we learned a new, awful term: “throupling.” Really, I mean. Really?

Skat out your thoughts in the comments.

Stephen soaks up sustained audience applause at the show’s open.

• Tonight! I check in on the mid-term elections. No, don’t change the channel!

• Then, more bad news about gay marriage. The organist charges double to play “Here Comes the Bride” twice.

• And, my guest Audra McDonald stars on Broadway as jazz great Billie Holiday. I wonder what Disney Princess that based on?

• A new project will give each MIT undergrad student $100 worth of bit coin — wait, $60 worth of bit coin — no, wait, $800 dollars worth of bit coin! This is The Colbert Report!

• Bashar Al-Assad has thrown his hat in the ring, and by hat I mean nerve gas, and by ring, I mean people.

“And while Syria is in the midst of a civil war, you know who else won the presidency in a civil war? Lincoln. And THAT is where the similarities END.”

• Now he may be unpopular but my money is still on Assad because he’s a tough campaigner. He’s shown that he can go very negative, because his attack ads are actual attacks.

Stephen highlights the congressional accomplishments of “republican congressman and person-in-allergy-ad” Renee Ellmers.

Clay Aiken remains unfazed while Stephen hurtles all the reasons why he should not be NC District 2’s next congressman.

Clay: The people of North Carolina put me here. They gave me this platform and this microphone, and I feel like it’s my responsibility to use that to give back to them to make sure they are represented.
Clay: There are a lot really incredible proposals that have been on the table that aren’t getting anywhere because people are more interested in shutting down the government, sequestration, doing things to make sure the other side doesn’t get a win. There are people hurting now, and nothing’s being done because no one in Congress wants to work together. That frustrates me, and I am sure it frustrates, even though you don’t want to admit it - it frustrates a lot of people in this country.
Stephen: I will happily admit that partisan political bickering is how I make my living.
Clay: It’s exactly how in DC people make their living too.

” I will happily admit that partisan political bickering is how I make my living. “

I will miss this “image crowding” technique from the show: “Yes, it’s a slippery slope. Sodomy leads to gay marriage, which leads to throupling, which inevitably leads to three-steality, five-nication, and whatever word they come up for one dude with 10 snakes in a box. I’m going to say, ‘hissy fit?'”

Stephen and Audra discuss possible fantasy musicals starring famous would be throuples.

Stephen: My fear is that you are going to draw people into the jazz lifestyle with this show.
Audra: That would be a wonderful thing!
Stephen: No, no because I don’t - I don’t go to jazzings, jazz leads to jazz cigarettes, and swinging of hips and boogie-woogie, and you know, you’re corrupting the youth of America.
Audra: […] I think people are getting a chance to reexperience [Holiday’s] music and her legacy, but also for young people, they’re getting a history lesson about the plight of African Americans in the first half of this last century.

Stephen: Is there anything that you and Billie Holiday have in common? Because she was a tortured individual, you seem pretty healthy.
Audra: Yeah, I don’t think I was as tortured as Billie. I understand what it’s like to be a singer and nervous about performing and all that, but I don’t necessarily go to drugs to calm me down, I go to Reeses peanut butter cups, that’s my thing.
Stephen: It’s a slower killer (Audra laughs)
Audra: I think someone like Billie Holiday, also someone like Amy Winehouse, or Whitney Houston, if you think about other singers who have had issues like this, they were all such individual talents, and so deeply connected with who they were as people, and that’s what their music brought forth. And so people I think can connect to that on a real sort of spiritual and human level…so I like to say that they are raw, in a way, they don’t have nerve endings…and they are experiencing everything at a deeper level than we are, so I guess we don’t have to, in a way.
Stephen: Ok. Just why can’t we a musical about Amy Grant or Ann Murray?
Audra: Look, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have a musical about them as well. Maybe there could be a fantasy musical about Amy Grant, Ann Murray, and Billie Holiday.
Stephen: And they’re a throuple.

Audra: I can talk to you a little like [Billie Holiday] if you wanted me to: “Steve, you’re the best m*7f&^k*r I ever met.”