April 29, 2014 – Robert Rodriguez

EPISODE NUMBER: 10096 (April 29, 2014)
GUESTS: Robert Rodriguez
SEGMENTS: Intro - 4/29/14 | Donald Sterling’s Racist Comments | Tip/Wag - J.J. Abrams & U.S. Congress | Clemency Push for Drug Convicts | Robert Rodriguez | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Grey Suit | White Shirt | Gold Diamond Pattern tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Donald Sterling lands in hot water over racist remarks, Congress names a mountain after Ronald Reagan, Obama pushes for prisoner clemency, and Robert Rodriguez talks El Rey.

Intro - 4/29/14

Tonight, a long overdue honor for a President. Could the Lincoln Memorial be getting a Chili’s 2? Then, America’s prisoners get good news. Just don’t ask how that news was smuggled in. And my guest, director Robert Rodriguez has launched a new Latino focused cable network. I’ll ask how ‘gigante’ his ‘Sabados’ will be. There’s a critical security flaw in Internet Explorer, which is terrible news for anyone living in 1995. This is The Colbert Report.

Donald Sterling’s Racist Comments

• Folks, if you watch the other news channels and I hope you don’t, you know there’s only one lead story today and that is the racist comments of L.A. Clippers owner and Darth Vader with his helmet off, Donald Sterling. We all heard what he said and if you haven’t heard, you’re a racist.

Donald Sterling said to his now ex-mistress that she can’t bring black people to his games and doesn’t want her to “broadcast” pictures of herself with black people on “the Instagram”.

The players on the team then concealed the Clippers logo from view at a practice, by wearing their warm-up shirts inside out.

They concealed the beloved Clippers logo, which we all know is….I wanna say a guy getting a haircut?

• Oh! Oh! a toenail clipper with googley eyes…

Stephen’s problem was really because of what he said to her, in the following;

• You could sleep with them? I’m sorry but whatever happened to the sanctity of traditional infidelity? I mean, it is one man, one mistress, 1.8 million dollars.

Mr. Sterling has been involved in legal disputes before, with a previous mistress. He gave a vivid account of things that women have done to him while in limos,like a woman licking his feet. It’s just that those things were not needed in the legal deposition, in this case:

• Bag boys of America, never ask this man, ‘paper or plastic?’

Mr Sterling was banned for life from any association with the Clippers or the NBA.

• Banned for life. Who knows how many months that might be?

Stephen’s suggestion? Start an all-white league.

• I’ve gotta work on my 2-handed bounce pass.

Tip/Wag - J.J. Abrams & U.S. Congress

• I am a huge fan of Star Wars. I saw the original movie when I was 13. Let me tell you, Princess Leia’s firm high buns stirred something in me.

• So when I heard they were making a new Star Wars movie, Iet’s just say I was the one to shoot first.

Stephen had a problem with the fact that the director of the new Star Wars movie, JJ Abrams, released a picture from the table read.

• Look at this photo, every single creature is humanoid, with 2 arms and 2 legs?
• Those love seats are clearly not Canon. Those are Tattoine battle couches. They should be Dantooine attack sofas.
• Whatever scruffy looking nerf-herder released this photo has Mitichlorians for brains.

(apologies to all major Star Wars nerds if those words are spelled wrong.)

Also on Tip/Wag, Congress wants to name a mountain in Nevada after Reagan.

• I make no secret of my love for Ronald Wilson Reagan. My dog’s named Gipper, my pool’s shaped like a jelly bean and I keep a sledgehammer in my trunk, so at a moment’s notice, I can tear down that wall. My apologies once again, to the San Diego Zoo. I’m sure that eventually you’ll find those leopards.

• I’ve long said that Reagan doesn’t get enough praise. Yes, Washington’s airport is named after him, but he has to share that honor with President ‘National’.

So Reagan got a peak in Nevada above a trailer park.

• This brown mountain’s majesty is crowned with an inspiring off limits antenna substation.
• If this mountain doesn’t seem impressive to you now, just give people 30 years to forget what it’s really like and it will seem like the greatest mountain of all time.

Clemency Push for Drug Convicts

Obama has taken up an initiative to allow clemency to drug offenders in jail who were given sentences before the latest sentencing guidelines were enacted. In other words, Obama wants to rile up the base. That is, if you watch Fox News.

These sentences were put in place to fight the crack crime wave of the ’80’s.

• Oh great! Now these ’80’s thugs will be out on the street in their one strap overalls, with giant clocks around their necks seeking revenge against McGruff the crime dog.

Interview - Robert Rodriguez

Mr. Rodriguez made his first movie with $7,000 and he earned much of that by being a labrat. He was a speed healer. They injected him with a placebo and a drug after wounding him, to see if it worked. I guess it didn’t because speed healing drugs are not a thing.

Stephen: Did it work? Did the speed healer work?
Robert: No.
Stephen: That’s too bad, I was hoping you were gonna be Wolverine now.

His new network is El Rey, but that’s not why Stephen is threatened by him. Mr. Rodriguez is a U.S. Hispanic from Texas.

Robert: We come in peace and we have you surrounded.

El Rey, in English, means ‘the King’ and it’s an English language network. It’s programming for mainstream America, but geared toward the U.S. Hispanic population.

Stephen: In 20 years, Hispanic will be the majority?
Robert: We’re 1 in 6 right now, probably 1 in 3 by 2050.

The first series on El Rey is “From Dusk ’til Dawn”, based on Robert’s movie.

Stephen: How hard did you have to negotiate with yourself to get the rights to do that?

Yeah, that’s a pretty sweet deal.

Stephen: Is this going to be the beginning of an empire for you? Are you going to be the Hispanic Oprah?
Robert: That was the original goal, but I wanted to create a place for other people to come and be a part of this network.

Robert is one of ten children and he raced Stephen to name all his siblings. To me, it sounded kinda like this:

ElizEdTiJimMaDaviBillJayLuBecBzzzzzzzzzzStephen

Stephen won though. He is fast when he names his siblings.