April 28, 2014 – Michael McFaul

EPISODE NUMBER: 10095 (April 28, 2014)
GUESTS: Michael McFaul | Paul Offit
SEGMENTS: Popechella | Preventable Diseases on the Rise | Preventable Diseases on the Rise - Paul Offit | Outrage over Obama’s Bowing | Michael McFaul | Sign Off - “Deadly Choices”
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Purple/Black Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, April 28, 2014

Popechella

• Folks, I certainly hope you all had a great weekend. I did. I was in Vatican City for a little saint making festival called Popechella.
• Just like Coachella, it’s got a party atmosphere and a lack of contraception.

“Some called it the day of four popes. Pope Francis and his predecessor, Benedict XVI at the ceremony this morning where two giants of the Church, John Paul II and John XXIII were declared saints.” “It’s an event that may well never happen again. In affect, four popes in the same place at the same time.”

• There were so many popes, you could not swing a dead pope without hitting one.
• It felt as if these departed popes were in St. Peter’s Square with you, because parts of them were.

“The relic of John XXIII is a piece of his skin and the relic of John Paul II is his blood in a vile.”

• Skin and blood. I mean, why would The Vatican want … *Gasp* They’re building a Frankenpope!!!

“We have two men who are often seen has paragons. One, John XXIII, as sort of the liberal wing of the Catholic Church and the other one, Pope John Paul II, is seen as sort of the conservative.”

• Thank goodness. I mean, with all the Jesus love talk this weekend, I was afraid that we would forget that everything in the world must be divided into liberal or conservative.

Preventable Diseases on the Rise

• Nation, you know I pride myself on having the balls to say things others will not.
• I know this is gonna ruffle some feathers, but I am against infectious disease.
• That’s why I experienced severe inflammation of my rage gland when I heard this …

“The polio-like illness has infected more than twenty kids in California.” “Concerned about a growing outbreak of whooping cough.” “Health officials are reporting more cases of mumps in Ohio.” “Despite the fact measles was considered wiped out here in the US fourteen years ago, we’re seeing a resurgence of this highly contagious, but preventable disease across the country.”

• Yes, these diseases are making a comeback, like Aerosmith in the 1990s, which also resulted in the spread of some disease.

• And folks, these are all diseases we have vaccines for. I mean, who knows why these vaccines are no longer affective. Have the pathogens evolved? Are the doses now too small? Why science?!!

“The main reason is that more and more parents are choosing not to get their kids vaccinated.”

• Ok, that would do it.
• Here’s what happened. Back in the 90s, doctors started giving infants more vaccines, some of which contained a preservative called Thimerosal, which contains mercury. Also, during the 90s, the rate of Autism increased dramatically, which lead many parents and celebrities to fear that kids were getting Autism from the vaccines.

Preventable Diseases on the Rise - Paul Offit

• Here to tell us we’re all gonna die is the director of The Vaccine Education Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, Dr. Paul Offit.

Dr. Offit: If a parent is not getting a vaccine, for example, because they fear as you alluded to earlier, that a vaccine is causing Autism, what they’re doing is just putting aside an enormous amount - a mountain of scientific evidence. There are now more than twenty studies that show that vaccines don’t cause Autism. The MMR didn’t cause Autism, the Thimerosal didn’t cause Autism.
Stephen: But 29% of Americans still believe that. Surely, there are at least 29% right.
Dr. Offit: Well, popular belief is not always popular wisdom. And although there are many things that one doesn’t know about Autism, what you do know is that vaccines don’t cause it.

Outrage over Obama’s Bowing

• It’s no surprise, but I have had it up to here with Barack Obama constantly embarrassing our country.
• He’s like America’s dorky dad. Wearing high-waisted jeans, always monitoring what we do on the internet [Shows graphic of NSA]. Thank God it’s only a couple more years ’til we get to go to electoral college.
• But the most embarrassing thing about our president is that he keeps destroying 250 years of American greatness.

All of these quotes come from - surprise, surprise - Fox News anchors: “We got this video of Barack Obama bowing to the the Saudi King Abdullah. And now look - watch how low - way below the shoulder.” “Take a look - There’s the President of the United States bowing to the Emperor of Japan. And that’s a deep bow, too.” “Barack Obama did a deep, deep bow.” When you read in Japanese culture, a deep bow is very often seen as a sign of apology or contrition.”
Tucker Carlson: “I mean, you know, the Japanese invaded Pearl Harbor; enslave Asia, you bow.”

• Oh, it goes back ever further than that, Tucker. Obama spent years on the very same island as Pearl Harbor, groveling to Japan on his hands and knees.

• I am thrilled to be sad to say our Genuflector-in-Chief has done it again. And it was spotted by journalist and man who’s definitely not hiding a bald spot, Matt Drudge. “US President Bows to Japanese Robot”
• And, Nation, this was an honest to God groveling, I’m not worthy, Mr. Roboto bow.
• Then he did something even more insulting to Americans. He played soccer with it.
• Or as they call robot soccer in Japan, foreplay.
• So, with all this bungling, it’s no surprise that the president left Japan without the trade agreement.
• And without the Hello Kitty backpack he promised Joe Biden.

Interview - Michael McFaul

Stephen: Putin saw you as a personal enemy.
Michael: Yeah, he did.
Stephen: He thought you were behind the 2011 protest against his regime.
Michael: That’s right. I mean, not just me. President Obama, the United States, the West.
Stephen: But he didn’t like you particularly.
Michael: Yeah. He didn’t like me. That’s right. He didn’t. In fact, he told me once or twice.
Stephen: Oh, really? What did he say?
Michael: Just what you said. That he said that I think you’re supporting the opposition against me.
Stephen: Were you doing that?
Michael: No! I wasn’t! I mean, I met with everybody. I engaged, as a diplomat is supposed to do.
Stephen: Are you a member of Pussy Riot, is what I’m asking.
Michael: I am not a member. Though I have met them, soon after they were on your show. They liked you a lot, actually.

Stephen: How do we get back to a working relationship with the Ruskies again?
Michael: I don’t think it’s gonna happen any time soon. I don’t think you need to go out and find another reset button, because Putin has decided he doesn’t want to cooperate with us. He doesn’t want these win-win outcomes that I just talked about and he’s on a different course.
Stephen: It seems win-win for him. He is eating our lunch over there. Why won’t we put troops in Crimea?
Michael: Do you want troops in Crimea?
Stephen: What’s wrong with having a land war in Asia? When did that ever go wrong?

————-

Just after the final credits rolled, there was this tribute to Jason Seiler. Mr. Seiler previously worked for The Colbert Report in the Lighting Department. Our deepest sympathies go out to his family, friends and the staff at The Colbert Report.