EPISODE NUMBER: 10094 (April 24, 2014)
GUESTS: George Saunders
STAFF CAMEO:Paul Dinello
SEGMENTS:Supreme Court’s Affirmative Action Ban | The Ballad of Cliven Bundy | Phyllis Schlafly vs. Equal Pay for Women | George Saunders
SUIT REPORT: Dark Grey Suit | Striped Dress Shirt | Purple Striped Tie | Cowboy Hat
VIDEOS: Thursday, April 24, 2014

Let’s get this episode guide off to a good start:

I figured he would not be able to resist talking about Cliven Bundy with the new comments he made, but I didn’t imagine getting that great song!

Stephen also addressed the Supreme Court’s decision to uphold Michigan’s ban on Affirmative Action. Oh joy, and of course the talking heads at Fox News are overjoyed.

Supreme Court’s Affirmative Action Ban

The Supreme Court has upheld the ban on Affirmative Action. The folks on the right are pleased.

• We Americans have always had our differences. You say ‘potato,’ I say ‘Who you calling a potato? Is it because I’m Irish? You’re a racist!’
• Finally, this decision ends the unfair practice of admitting students based on their race and allows more students to be admitted based on ‘if their parents went there’.
• We don’t need Affirmative Action because racial discrimination is over. Don’t believe me? Just ask these white people.

• It’s like MLK said at the March on Washington:

The Ballad of Cliven Bundy

Does anyone else think it’s kind of appropos that he has the same last name as Ed O’Neil’s character in Married with Children? Or is it just me?

The story, in case you haven’t been following it like me, is that Mr. Bundy has been letting his cows graze on land owned by the Federal govt., but since he conveniently doesn’t recognize that the U.S. govt. exists, he doesn’t feel that he has to pay $1,000,000 in grazing fees.

• One million dollars in grazing fees? What are they growing in that desert, lobster tails?

Bundy appeared on Hannity four times, at least, and Sean called him and his family “nice people”.

• Man, Hannity ate up that story so hard, Bundy should’ve charged him grazing fees.

After all the media attention Bundy got, he was joined at his ranch by armed militias to fight government agents. One of the men there to help was the former sheriff from Graham County, AZ.

He stated that their strategy was to put women in front of the battle lines, so that when the “rogue agents” started shooting, it would be televised all over the country that the Feds are shooting women. Why did it seem like the former sheriff was disappointed that didn’t happen? Again, is it just me?

• Now, that’s not as monstrous as it sounds. I’m sure they were going to protect the women with a line of children.

So since Bundy has become a folk hero to the people who are defending him, he gets a folk song from Stephen.

He sings, joined by Paul Dinello, standing up for a few chords in the background, then he ducks down again. Then he stands up again for one note.

Here’s part of it:

“His name was Cliven Bundy of Bunkerville, Nevada. If you don’t know his story, I think you really ‘oughta.

You can hear it below if you go to the comments, the lovely Mrc has uploaded a link to it. I imagine it goes until Stephen gives it over to Cliven:

• Okay, that’s enough of the song. Unfortunately, nothing rhymes with Negro.

Paul then tries to slip away in the background and walks in front of the camera to offstage.

So Cliven thinks horrid things about black people. I’m just not even…I can’t.

• That’s not racist, that’s just being consistent. He doesn’t acknowledge the Federal govt. exists, so it would be hypocritical for him to believe in the Emancipation Proclamation.

He doesn’t like that blacks get government assistance…as he doesn’t pay his $1,000,000 in taxes. Nice.

Wait, we’ve apparently got it all wrong, as Cliven’s Facebook page says:

Cliven is a good man, he loves all people, he is not a racist man. He wants what is best for everyone.

 

• He’s just wants what’s best for everyone, and for some people, that’s slavery.
• Folks, my one regret is that I didn’t embrace Cliven Bundy sooner, like Sean Hannity did. You know, really draw him to my bosom, to link us inexorably together. To hang him around my neck like some kind of lucky dead seabird. You beat me to it, Sean. You’re good, buddy, you’re good.
• Thanks to your non-stop supportive coverage of Bundy, now when anyone thinks of folks who have insight into ‘the negro’, they’ll think of Sean Hannity.

Phyllis Schlafly vs. Equal Pay for Women

Phyllis Schlafly has been around for a long time. As Stephen said, she is a “conservative icon and lady who gives out raisins at Halloween”. Perhaps her time in the spotlight has been a little too long. She thinks that not only is it wrong to support equal pay for women, she actually wants to see the pay gap increase.

• These days everyone’s talking about equal pay for women. Well, I think there’s been a lot of talk. I wasn’t really paying attention. The game is on.

Schlafly says that women pick a mate because they earn more. Men want to be the high earner.

• Why do you think women want to sleep with Donald Trump? Seriously, does anyone know why? Is it a dare like the cinnamon challenge or something? It would explain his skin color.

• So enjoy your equal pay ladies. You can spend it on Friskies for your hundreds of cats, ’cause you’re dying alone.

Her comments garnered the typical response from the liberal media.

• C’mon, if these female journalists really thought they should get paid more, why’d they go into journalism?

Phyllis thinks that in order to help women, the pay gap should be increased in order to help men who can help women. Okay.

Stephen suggests that it should go from .77c on the dollar to .50c on the dollar.

• Or call me a radical feminist but maybe women shouldn’t be paid at all. Don’t listen to me ladies, I’m just a guy who makes more than you.

George Saunders

George Saunders is a fan of kindness, but didn’t really get to any stories about times when he was kind and it paid off.

He tried to be kind to a fellow student in middle school but he chickened out after a couple of attempts. Then he was kind to a toll booth taker who was grumpy in return.

I was really hoping he would work the title of his book into the conversation by telling Stephen “Congratulations, by the way, on your new quest to ride the rails with Biscuit and the one-eyed whore”.

The real head scratcher was when he talked about helping this girl at his school and then he said it was like trying to save someone from drowning and stepping back and thinking, “This could get ugly”. I didn’t understand what he meant by that.

Stephen: So you regret that.

George: Very much, yeah.

Stephen: How did middle school go for you?

George: Pretty good, yeah.

Stephen: Pretty good? So f*** her. No, no I mean listen, it’s a jungle out there in middle school.

He then tells a story of coming into Manhattan to promote his book. A guy at a tollbooth plops a cone in front of his car and tells him to go back into another lane. He tries to counter with kindness but the guy just insists and walks away.

Stephen: The guy who dropped the cone in front of your car, it wasn’t Governor Christie was it?

It wasn’t.

Stephen: You say that kindness comes with age, how do you explain grumpy old men?

George’s theory is that as you get older you don’t have enough energy to maintain your hateful ways.

As it turns out kindness works for him when he’s the recipient of it.

Stephen: Okay, gimme gimme gimme, the message of the speech is ‘be kind because I’m right here’.

Sign Off

“That’s it everybody, goodnight!”