January 14, 2014 - Deborah Solomon

EPISODE NUMBER: 10046 (January 14, 2014)
GUEST: Deborah Solomon | Billie Jean King
SEGMENTS: Sport Report - Baseball | Sport Report - Winter Sports | Sport Report - Billie Jean King | Deborah Solomon | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | Light Blue Shirt | Grey/White Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Tonight, A-Rod is persecuted for his steroid abuse and Stephen comes clean about all of the drugs he is hooked on thanks to Big-Pharma. Putin rears his ugly head (I stole that line from Sarah Palin) with his anti-gay laws, just in time for the upcoming Winter Olympics. President Obama decides to send a delegation to Sochi to represent America in the opening ceremonies. Billie Jean King, who is part of this history-making delegation, sits down for a flirtatious and inspiring interview with Stephen. Ms. King is so courageous and effervescent. I hope we see more of her on ‘The Report.’ Art critic, Deborah Soloman, talks to Stephen about Norman Rockwell and the possible gay undertones of his paintings. Feast your twinkly *brown eyes on this Episode Guide.

*Or blue or green or black or …

The Sport Report - Baseball

• I’m as mad a man who’s too angry to finish his similes.
• This guy’s not just A-Rod; he’s The Rod. It makes my blood boil to see how he’s being persecuted.

“New York Yankees third-baseman has been suspended for the entire 2014 season for using performance-enhancing drugs.”

• To stay competitive today’s players need a little something-something, giving the physical demands of this sport. I mean there’s the standing, the sitting and hey, those crotches aren’t going to scratch themselves.
• Of course, the MLB supports marijuana use. How else do you get people to pay $18 for a hot dog?

Greg Gutfeld: “Drugs are going to exist as long as there is an incentive to use them and the incentive is to win. If every job that you do - if there is a drug that helps you - do the damn drug and no one should get in your way and stop you!”

• I agree. If there is a drug that can make Greg Gutfeld do his job better, by God, he should do those drugs.
• Case in point - [Shows graphic of Stephen with Emmy Awards, Peabody Award and Grammy Award] Do you think I win all of these awards because I’m good and I work hard? Please.
• I am nothing but a flesh-sack propped up by the wonders of Big-Pharma.

Drugs that Stephen takes: Steroids, Adderall, Ambien, Centrum, Soma, Neurowin, the Spice, Glint (SWC shout-out), Glimer, Jizadrin, The V, powered rhino horn, the blue [meth, Breaking Bad style], Boniva, Flintstone’s Chewables, Flintstone’s Suppositories, Frontline Flea & Tick and NuvaRing.

• Kids, you’ll have to experiment to get your own cocktail dialed in. Mine took a lot of trial and error. Trial, in that I’ve been on trial for taking bath salts. And then error, in attempting to eat someone’s face. Once again, my apologies to Doris Kerns Goodwin.

Sport Report - Winter Sports

• Folks, this year’s Olympic Games are in Russia, where Vladimir Putin’s recent law banning all displays of gay propaganda has gotten the Right-hugger’s unitards in a bunch.
• Putin recently landed himself a huge support State side - Fox News Youth Correspondent, Pat Buchanan.
• Buchanan applauds Putin’s belief that:

• Of course, Comrade O’Tolerance (President Obama) is staging a sit-in at his home protest zone.

“President Obama will not be heading to the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. Neither will Vice President Biden. This, of course, sounds like a not-so-subtle rebuke to Russia’s anti-gay laws. The White House, instead, plans to send a delegation that includes tennis-great Billie Jean King, who’s openly gay.”

• Actually, I think they mean Billie Jean King, tennis-great who is formerly gay. Cause she was on my show last year and I flipped the script.
• Five minutes on my show and Billy Jean King wanted to snap into me like a Slim Jim.

Sport Report - Billie Jean King

Stephen: You’re going over there to represent the country in place of Obama. What do you think your responsibilities are going be?
Billie Jean: Well, I probably won’t protest, but if the media asks me a question, I’m going to answer it.
Stephen: You’ll be breaking the law. If you say something positive about homosexuals or about homosexual rights, you’ll be breaking the law. Technically, you could be thrown into jail.
Billie Jean: Well, I’ll take that chance.

Stephen: I had plenty of opportunities to be gay, baby. I had my pick of the litter. I believe that’s what they call a group of gay men - a litter of gay men.
Billie Jean: But you have such twinkly brown eyes. I bet they did pretty well.
Stephen: I’m working my magic on you right now.

Stephen: You have said that the LBGT fight for rights is the civil rights struggle of the 21st century.
Billie Jean: It is one of them, absolutely. Or the one.
Stephen: Does that make Russia the Alabama of the 21st century?

Stephen: You will admit the last time you were on this show there was some heat between the two of us.
Billie Jean: Yes, totally. Didn’t I just talk about your twinkly brown eyes? Absolutely!
Stephen: Do you think that there will come a time when society will accept love between a happily married man and gay woman?
Billie Jean: I hope so!

Interview - Deborah Soloman

Stephen: You can’t tell me this guy (Norman Rockwell) was a liberal. He was doing it for Roosevelt, but he couldn’t have been a Commie socialist like Roosevelt. This guy’s a Heartland painter. This guy is from The Heartland of America.
Deborah: No, no, no. He’s been misappropriated by Right Wingers. He was a man who believed in equality and tolerance and voted for JFK in 1960 and LBJ in 1964.
Stephen: This is why I didn’t want to hear a critic talk about him.
Deborah: You should also know that he painted a defining image of the Civil Rights Movement in 1964, “The problem we all live with”.

Stephen: So, the subject can tell us something about the possible feelings of the painter, sexually.
Deborah: Well, it can tell us something about the artist’s imagination and what excited his gaze.
Stephen: So, you’re saying that Warhol imagined getting it on with soup cans?
Deborah: We don’t want to get into Warhol’s sexuality, because that’s just a can of worms. A Campbell’s Soup can of worms!
Stephen: Mmm Mmm good!

Sign Off - Goodnight

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