January 13, 2014 - David Fanning

EPISODE NUMBER: 10045 (January 13, 2014)
GUEST: David Fanning
SEGMENTS: Intro - 1/13/14 | Water Crisis in West Virginia |
The Word - Never-Ender’s Game | Mirriad & Retroactive Product Placement | David Fanning | Sign Off - Back Scratch
SUIT REPORT: Gray Suit | White Shirt | Burgundy Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, January 13, 2014

Stephen brainstorms truly inventive product placement possibilities…including some that are NSFW. See after the jump.

Gross gross gross!

Leave it to Stephen to push the envelope and illustrate all the fun ways aggressive marketing techniques are invading your favorite TV shows.

Stephen’s statement in the Word about how all leaders are “supposed” to be responsible for the outcomes of settled wars was a powerful one. We should have never invaded Iraq, to be sure, but we also cannot continue to be held accountable for its outcome as a state — that would make it a colony, and making America imperialist nation is not in anyone’s interest, Middle East or or anywhere else. There are many who will argue we made many missteps in our history due to our imperialistic impulses. (Now that’s alliteration for ya!)

What did you think of the ep, Hubsters! Let’s get this week off to a good commenting start.

• I love West Virginia. It is my favorite of the directional Virginias. Step it up, East and South.

“A group of West Virginians who can’t shower, brush their teeth, or feed their babies? A & E, you’ve got your next hit!”

“That hits the spot. Explaining why 300,000 people no longer have a water supply is thirsty work.”

• 4-Methylhexanecyclohexane Methanol should be very popular in West Virginia. For Pete’s sake, it’s got 2 meths in there.

• Speaking of waterless mountain regions, Afghanistan.

• Folks, I have to say it is shocking to hear that Obama has a strategy in Afghanistan. Sure seems like he’s free ballin’ it.

• While Obama twiddles his thumbs, Iraq is falling into a state of crippling violence that can only be described as “Iraq.”

• I can’t believe President Obama has given up on cities we cared so much about like Fallujah, and uh, (struggles to remember) help me out, Ramada, is that it? I’m not surprised. Foam pillows? That’s enough to make anyone strap on a suicide vest.

• Folks, our President is the John Mayer of war. He never commits, and when he leaves you, you get a violent flare up in your tribal regions. [Burns when you ululate.]

Nice hometown shout out: “If we leave Afghanistan, that place could sink into war-torn chaos. Right now, it is merely bullet-riddled anarchy.”

“I, for one, was shocked, shocked that Obama flew to Baghdad and set a withdrawal date back in 2008, and even more shocked that he did it while wearing a President Bush mask.”

• I mean the guy is a quitter. [Submission accomplished.]

• If Obama had been around The Hundred Years War, it would have been 50 years, tops. [And Joan of Arc only medium rare.]

• David Petraeus could fix this thing if we would just give him a tank on the battlefield. [Or a hummer under the desk.]

• Obama must do this, because once you’ve been at war in a place, you’re always responsible for anything that ever happens there. [Gift that keeps on exploding.] That is why you must never end wars. [Ask George Lucas.]

• What’s happening in Iraq will happen in Afghanistan, and there’s only person to blame for that: Alexander the Great. In 323 [CE] he cuts and runs and 1,000 years later, Islam is founded, and boom! Muslim extremists. I’m going to say it, Macedonia’s best days are behind it. [Went to Hellenistic Handbasket]

That is why I am calling for a surge in the unstable region of Everywhere. [The people there are crazy.] Of course, I’m not suggesting anything permanent. Our troops will leave the moment we are sure no one will ever hurt anyone else again. We will rake the seas, imprison the wind, and count every star. Anything is possible. [Except reading Itunes terms and conditions.] Will it be easy? No, it won’t be easy. But once we’re fighting every country on earth, at least we can never be drawn into another war. And that’s the Word. [Never-Ender’s Game]

Loved the “Frontline” styling to the interview’s intro. Great homage. “It’s a conversation Colbert has been preparing for since 4 o’clock.”