September 12, 2013 - Philip Mudd

September 13, 2013 Katt 21 comments

EPISODE NUMBER: 9148 (September 12, 2013)
GUESTS: Philip Mudd
SEGMENTS: Vladimir Putin’s Op-Ed Photos | Better Know a District - Washington’s 7th - Jim McDermott | Vladimir Putin’s Op-Ed on U.S. Intervention in Syria | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Blue/Yellow Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, September 12, 2013

Vladimir Putin’s Op-Ed Photos

Hmmm, where have I seen that photo before? Oh yeah, it’s my promo shot from when I started this show. They just put Putin’s head on my body and cut off my arm!

Clearly, Putin’s been stealing pictures from my Facebook page. Unfriend! It’s not the only photo he stole. Look, Putin sedating a tiger? No, that’s me at the Bronx Zoo. And here I am shirtless fishing, shirtless hunting, shirtless horseback riding. Even this one of Putin is really me practicing unlicensed dentistry on Keith Olbermann.

Better Know a District - Washington’s 7th - Jim McDermott

Stephen: Sir Mix-A-Lot is also from Seattle. Congressman, do you like big butts?
Jim: I’m sorry?
Stephen: You cannot lie, sir.
Jim: Tell me, what is … ?
Stephen: When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face, do you get sprung?
Jim: I’m not quite sure what you’re arriving at with that question …
Stephen: I’m trying to ascertain, in the clearest way possible, whether you like big butts.
Jim: The answer is no.

Stephen: You’re a representative in Congress. You used to be a practicing psychiatrist. Do you enjoy working with the mentally disturbed? Or would you rather be a psychiatrist? *laughs*
Jim: You have to be able to read people and figure out how you’re gonna persuade them to do things.

Stephen: You used to be a practicing psychiatrist. Tell me what this means: Last night I had a dream that I was walking through a redwood forest - no branches, just kind of stumps of redwood trees - and suddenly a woman came in, and the redwood trees withered and flopped over, and then she laughed at them. And then a penis cam out of the sky and crushed me.
Jim: What did you eat for dinner?

Stephen: Kiss me. Prove you support gay people and make out with me.
Jim: You’re asking me to do things that I probably would not do.
Stephen: Why, do you not find me attractive?
Jim: No, I think you’re an interesting man, you’re very attractive, you’re handsome … well dressed
Stephen: Thank you, thank you. Why wont you make out with me? You’re anti-gay?
Jim: No, if we don’t have any attraction to one another -
Stephen: Well if you think I’m fat just say so.
Jim: I think that you will decide if you’re fat or not.
Stephen: Do you think, I think I’m fat?
Jim: If you say so, I guess that’s what you think.
Stephen: Okay great, JUST SAY I’M FAT.
Jim: No, I didn’t say -
Stephen: You did. You just said you think I am so you must see a reason for me to be thinking that.
Jim: I’m really trying to let you decide who you are.
Stephen: I’m fat.

Vladimir Putin’s Op-Ed on U.S. Intervention in Syria

I was on the fence before this but now it’s clear, we gotta bomb Syria. I mean massive air strikes. And just to stick it to Putin, I say we use lesbian pilots flying the Enola Gay.

He [Vladimir Putin] murders journalists. We don’t do that in America, we just let you starve to death in your dying industry.

No surprise, folks, the grey lady has got her legs spread for ‘Vlad the Impaler’ here. They’ve got a long history of legitimising iron-fisted tyrants. I mean in the ’80s who could forget Gaddafi’s front page of the style section, ‘Hot for Spring, MuMu Mania!’ or in the ’70s Pol Pots missed connections page, ‘Cambodian paranoid genocidal Rosseau-lover seeks educated city dweller for long wa;ks, beautiful sunsets, mass grave. No Fatties’

‘It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional.’ - F*** you!

I was on the fence before this but now it’s clear, we gotta bomb Syria. I mean massive air strikes. And just to stick it to Putin, I say we use lesbian pilots flying the Enola Gay.