February 13, 2013 — Dave Grohl

Last nights ‘State of the Union’ address. Big whoopee-di-doo. I mean what kind of insecure narcissistic jerk expects America to tune in just to hear a room full of people mindlessly cheer him? *audience cheers*

Nine dollars, that is almost two feet of sandwich.

America has gone soft! If everybody’s living the fantasy life of shelter and heat, they’ll have no drive. It’s those cold nights fighting of rats with a spatula that motivates people to life themselves up.

For as long as I can remember I have been stuck earning more than I will ever need. But folks, I can imagine even more.

Argggggh. That sounds like a lot of work man. Why do we, why do we always have to face our global challenges? I mean, why can’t America just take a personal year? You know, just some time to get our s*** together. Maybe focus on our music, learn to home brew. Whatever.

Don’t worry Senator Rubio. Nobody noticed that you gave a speech.

It can really give a person a case of cotton mouth *cough*

There’s not necessarily water where you need it. But, but that’s not really a problem, because a true professional, you know, knows how to cover. You just cover your problem by always maintaining eye contact with the home viewer.

And connecting with the audience on a human level, you know. Makes them over look your difficulties.

Just keeps the words coming and no one will notice.

Wow what a beautiful language when phonetically transcribed by a computer that thinks it’s English.

Did Evil Knievel jump this board over Charles Manson?