February 11, 2013 — Garry Wills

EPISODE NUMBER: 9059 (February 11, 2013)
GUEST: Garry Wills | Father James Martin
SEGMENTS: Bush Family E-Mail Hack | Pope’s Resignation & Papal Speculatron 7500 | Pope’s Resignation & Papal Speculatron 7500 - James Martin | Garry Wills | Sign Off - “Why Priests?”
SUIT REPORT: Grey Pinstripe Suit | Light Blue Shirt | Red Tie with White Diamonds
VIDEOS: Monday, February 11, 2013

WELCOME TO THE REPORT!

Bush Family E-Mail Hack

This had to be here, because there’s more to read on screen, than what he says.

“Where the hell are my MaxGirth 2000 herbal supplements?”

A hacker broke into the Bush family emails and gained access to two paintings that W did. He painted a self portrait in the shower.

“President Bush is now a private citizen. Some hacker has no right to spread his personal information all over the Internet — that’s Facebook’s job.”

This was quite a knock against W, not so much for the paintings themselves but because he parallels W’s time spent after presidency to Clinton, who has the Global Initiative and Carter who has Habitat For Humanity.

But hey, W did this:

“This is a bold artistic vision that says, ‘faces are hard'”

Museum of Modern Art? Hello?

Pope’s Resignation & Papal Speculatron 7500

“According to (Huffington Post’s) 72 point font”:

They do use that huge lettering, not selectively either.

“Naturally I was shocked. The Pope came out of the closet?”

“The Pope is quitting? Popes don’t quit. God has a way of telling the Pope when it’s time to resign. It’s called death.”

Okay, nation, what is it that Stephen said? I got the Taurus, yeah, that’s bull. I looked up every single word that could be translated for “feces” which is kinda what it sounded like he said, but I didn’t get a word that’s similar. Anyone know how to spell that second word he said in Latin?

Anyway, Stephen thinks that the reason given for the Pope’s resignation is “taurus (FAH-key-ez)”. By the way, I agree. I think it’s Taurus…whatever he said, too. I think there is definitely more to the story.

“What’s Benedict gonna do with himself in retirement? Become a Walmart greeter?”

Chris Matthews was excited over the news, describing it as a horse race. How is choosing the new Pope a horse race? This made Stephen mad.

“I could go for some mashed potato”

So then Stephen did his analysis of who will become Pope. He examined an Italian, a Canadian, A Cardinal from Ghana “which would send a message of inclusion and virtually guarantee ‘Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Rome'” and…

Said in ‘Madea’ voice: “HELLO?? Dominus Vobiscer”

…Cardinal Dolan, from America. He is possibly in the running and Stephen gives him the Colbert Bump.

Stephen’s BFF (Bishop Friend Forever) Cardinal Dolan

Pope’s Resignation & Papal Speculatron 7500 - James Martin

Father Jim offers up some thoughts.

Father Jim: I heard he’s moving into a convent believe it or not.
Stephen: WOW! Is that cricket?
Father Jim: He’s the Pope he can do whatever he wants.

Stephen: There’s never a first ballot Pope is there?
Father Jim: It’s unusual, but there has been some.
Stephen: Can I tell you my theory on that? I think that on the first ballot, everyone just votes for themselves.

Stephen asks “Why not me?”

(As you can see, I had my captions on when I took this. I think it fits)

Father Jim: What would you take for your name if you were Pope?
Stephen: I’m a big fan of Urban. I would be Urban III.
Father Jim: Not sub-Urban the 1st?
Stephen: Father, very nice. Father Chuckles.

Interview - Garry Wills

I really found the interview intriguing. I thought Stephen did an excellent job trying to defend his religion, but Mr. Wills also did a great job defending his position. I am of two minds on this issue and I would be interested in reading his book.

“My guest tonight is a Pulitzer prize winning author whose new book is called ‘Why Priests?’ The answer, cuz God! Please welcome Garry Wills.”

Stephen: You don’t believe in transubstantiation?
Garry: No, was Augustine a Catholic?
Stephen: He was an early Catholic, hadn’t quite developed yet.
Garry: Well, he said it was ridiculous to think that we eat God, that we digest God, that we excrete God. He said the body of Christ is us, the people.
Stephen: Of course, you are what you eat.
Garry: He said, eat this bread, it’s my body. He didn’t say “take a chuck out of my arm”.

Funny story. I used to be episcopal, which is like Catholic Lite. When I was a very young llama, I used to think we were actually eating the body and blood of Christ. I was like 6, what did I know. I remember thinking, “You mean there’s some still left?”

Stephen: How can God and Jesus be in two places at once…check and mate.
Garry: Well, the trinity is a mystery.
Stephen: And so is the Eucharist.
Garry: No, the Eucharist is a fake.
Stephen: Well let’s get back to priests.

I like that he said that all priests are brothers in Christ. I took that to mean that why should we hold up these priests in higher regard than ourselves. I think he was saying that we should all be equal in our own eyes.

Garry: Nobody knows who wrote Hebrews.
Stephen: Is it in the Bible?
Garry: Yes.
Stephen: Then God wrote it.

Mr. Wills said that he wouldn’t have a priest there to give last rites, but that he would want to pray with any of our brothers in Christ.

Garry: I’d like to have a priest or any other Christian, he’s a brother in Christ but he’s not the only conduit of God’s grace.
Stephen: Well, where are you going after this, to the Barnes and Noble in Hell?
Garry: I pray not.
Stephen: You pray not? Well so do I.

Sign Off - “Why Priests?”

Stephen reads from Garry Wills’ book.