October 24, 2012 — Anthony Everitt

Posted on by

The Colbert Report Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: 9015 (October 24, 2012)
GUESTS: Anthony Everitt
SEGMENTS: Donald Trump’s October Surprise | Nonstop Libya-Gate Questions | Richard Mourdock’s Rape Comment | Sign Off - GOP Rape Mention Tally
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Red/black/white stripped tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, October 24, 2012




That’s right. He has to have it together by five o’clock on Halloween. Because that night he is renting out his enormous orange head as a Jack-o-Lantern.

Mr. Trump — I will write you a check for $1 million from Colbert Super PAC, you know I’ve got it, to the charity of your choice — anything, Save the Children, Feed the Children, put the children on ‘Child Apprentice’, whatever — $1 million actual dollars if you will let me dip my balls in your mouth.

My balls must be in your mouth no later than 5PM, October 31st. My balls have a thing that night. Now nothing, nothing would make me happier than to write this check, and nothing would make America happier than to have something going into your mouth, instead of coming out of it.

If you put a statement in the form of question, is that journalism?

Did I have time to wash my hands just now? It didn’t seem like it, did it. Speaking of assertions. Are they more heinous assertions that I could be pulling out of my arse?

Even more troubling. Why does Peter Johnson Jnr. have a name that is three euphemisms for penis?

Is there anything more to say about this story, or are we on some sort of metaphorical treadmill? And, is that bad for our metaphorical needs? Should we really be using a metaphorical elliptical? But ultimately the question is, how many questions do we have to ask before voters forget President Obama killed Osama Bin Laden.

Hold on. Just let me update my ‘GOP’s Without Rape Mention’ board.

What can you say. Some political careers, they end so quickly.

Together I like to call these guys ‘Team Rape’ — which they probably wouldn’t appreciate, but c’mon they’re kinda asking for it.

As an ancient history scholar myself, though not versed in Latin, it was a nice change to hear an interview on a subject I actually know a bit about. If anyone is interested in reading about Elagabalus (or Heliogabalus) Cassius Dio’s ‘Roman History’ Book LXXIX and LXXX are a good place to start. As is Book 5 of ‘Herodian’.

If anyone out there can speak Latin, please do let us know what Stephen said!!

  • lockhart43

    What an enjoyable episode! The first act with Stephen walking all around the studio mocking the Fox News/Libya bit was spot-on and truly funny. That was a nice line at the end, too. And when did it suddenly become okay for Republicans running for office to repeatedly use rape as a conversation starter? They should really stop that. Really.

    The interview was great. I still haven’t had a chance to read this week’s BKAD, with it almost being Thursday already (my apologies karenatasha! I’m sure it’s wonderfully written :)), so I knew nothing about the guest before watching the episode. But he had all the qualities that a great guest can have - he was British, he was an historian, and he had a nice rapport with Stephen. Also, I’ll take any excuse for Stephen to speak Latin and talk about history.

  • Karenatasha

    I thought Stephen was absolutely blistering and brilliant on the “rape Republicans.” I want to take that segment and tweet, Facebook, and share it in whatever way possible.

    All in all, a fabulous show, from the FOX imitation at the start to the interview. I was worried about how well Everitt would do; I knew there was potential, but I wasn’t sure how attuned he’d be to what the show is. It seemed to me that he really took the advice Stephen gives all his guests: “My character is a good-natured idiot. Disabuse him of his idiocy.”

    Lockhart, no apologies necessary! We all seem to be a little overwhelmed these days. And thank you for your kind words-much appreciated!

  • erin

    I was just wondering if anybody knows what Colbert said in Latin?

  • applepies

    This was a great episode. They were firing on all cylinders and you could tell. The FOX news segment was especially good and sharp. Loved it!

  • lockhart43

    Also, it’s entirely worth mentioning how fantastic The Daily Show was last night. Their second segment with the two veterans (as well as the interview with Dakota Meyer) about why it is so difficult for veterans to be hired as civilians was much-needed. I really appreciated Jon and the writers covering that.

  • CN Helper

    I loved how Stephen used the whole studio for the Fox segment, particularly in the audience and the treadmill at the end. I just had to show my husband this part of the show, and he was like, “What is wrong with Fox?” Good question.

    The Everritt interview was also amazing. Stephen got to show off his tremendous level of comfort in rattling off Latin phrases. I think he is the only man in America who knows all of Kenny Roger’s music catalogue and can speak Latin. Paul Dinello was right when he said Stephen is “a wall of encyclopedias that likes to drink beer.” Well said.

    And for those keeping track at home, we’ve had 2 Kato the Elder references this year alone. Would make for a slow drinking game, but good old Kato is getting some airtime at least.

  • Erika

    Perfect show!!! Nobody has yet mentioned how hilarous the Trump segment was! It was a perfect place for Stephen to take it, and it was so fulfilling for me to hear, with Trump being such an a-hole of epic proportions.

    The walking thing was awesome! I loved how his dialogue combined bits of truth, bits of truthiness, and bits of just strange randomness.

    And the interview! I honestly think Anthony Everitt was totally shocked at Stephen’s unique knowledge. He’s probably the most informed interviewer Mr. Everitt has had so far! Who else is going to speak Latin at him like that, and yet ask such off the wall questions. The whole thing took a very funny turn, and it seemed to end up being just two guys having a conversation about a subject they love.

  • karenatasha

    @lockhart43
    Absolutely! It’s the equivalent of what he did when the 9/11 legislation to help first responders was stalled. He devoted plenty of time to a very important issue, and with three amazing vets who were very persuasive as to why you should hire them.

    Jon can make a difference, and it’s always wonderful when he commits himself to using that power for a great cause.

  • Karenatasha

    @Erika

    The Trump segment was HILARIOUS.

    Now everyone knows that what Stephen told Trump he’d have to do to get that million buck donation is called teabagging, right? (Perfect for Tea Party teabaggers.) 😉

    I’m going to pose a question here for everyone to think about: How far do you think Stephen would go with that? What if the Donald said yes? (Which he won’t.) What would happen? What would Stephen do? Wondering….

  • Mr. Arkadin

    “Now everyone knows that what Stephen told Trump he’d have to do to get that million buck donation is called teabagging, right? (Perfect for Tea Party teabaggers.)”

    I thought of that too! But since it is Colbert’s…er…bag? Wouldn’t it have to be re-christen C-bagging? As you can tell I have a lot of time on my hands… What’s your excuse! 😉

    As far as would Stephen go through with it? I hope not! His scrotum would turn orange!

  • Mr. Arkadin

    @Karenatasha

    “Now everyone knows that what Stephen told Trump he’d have to do to get that million buck donation is called teabagging, right? (Perfect for Tea Party teabaggers.)”

    I thought of that too! But since it is Colbert’s…er…bag? Wouldn’t it have to be re-christen C-bagging? As you can tell I have a lot of time on my hands… What’s your excuse! 😉

    As far as would Stephen go through with it? I hope not! His scrotum would turn orange!

  • Mr. Arkadin

    @Mr. Arkadin

    That was supposed to appear only once. Sorry.

  • llama

    Was anyone else a little disappointed that Stephen (and everyone else in the media for that matter) didn’t include Paul Ryan on “team rape”? I don’t think too many people are aware of his “method of conception” comment. It’s not getting a lot of coverage.

  • Mrc

    This whole episode was brilliant, but I can’t decide which segment was better: the walking bit or the Trump challenge. Both segments were hilarious.

  • Matthew

    latin from first lines of Caesar’s The Gallic Wars

    omnis gallia divida in tres partes est

    all of gaul (france) is divided into three parts.

    two middle phrases I can’t find
    Stephen might have been just mixing an assortment of Latin words.

    carthago delinda est

    carthage must be destroyed

  • karenatasha

    @Mr. Arkadin

    The Donald would never go through with it, Mr. Arkadin-he is known for not even liking to shake hands with people because of the germs. (He’s not the one who should worry about that; we should.) I guess it’s more a question of how far Stephen would take it till Trump would be forced, ultimately, to back down.

    I know I don’t have too much time on my hands. But I can’t help thinking of these things anyway. Hypothetical situations are fun! Or what Umberto Eco called “inferential walks.” He used that to describe the many possibilities the reader (or in this case, the viewer) imagines while reading a story.

  • Katt

    I actively avoid Trump, but I decided to check out his Twitter page. Is he for real!?! What planet does this crazoid live on? I hope Stephen’s balls never get anywhere near any part of his body!!

    It saddens me that we live in a world where the entertainment has to school the leaders on serious and important subjects, such as rape. Even Tina Fey let rip at the ‘Center for Reproductive Rights Inaugural Gala’ last night.

    “If I have to listen to one more grey-faced man with a $2 haircut explain to me what rape is, I’m going to lose my mind!”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8yNCMkgk9E