September 7, 2012 — Ed Rendell
EPISODE NUMBER: 8148 (September 7, 2012)
GUESTS: Ed Rendell
SPECIAL GUEST: Neil deGrasse Tyson
SEGMENTS: The 2012 People’s Party Congress of Charlotte - Youth Vote | Tom Brokaw & Barack Obama | RNC Convention vs. DNC Convention | The 2012 People’s Party Congress of Charlotte - Colbert Bump
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Red/black stripped tie
VIDEOS: Friday, September 7, 2012
I don’t want a bunch of snaggletoothed, Spotted Dick-eating, Union Jack-offs telling America the number one direction we can go in.
‘You don’t know you’re beautiful. That’s what makes you beautiful’
First of all, great dating advice. Remember girls, low self-esteem: very attractive to men. Guys always go for the low hanging fruit, okay. Easy pickings.
Second, the lyrics are incredibly complex. You see the boys are singing “‘You don’t know you’re beautiful. That’s what makes you beautiful,” but they’ve just told the girl she’s beautiful.
So since she now knows it, she’s no longer beautiful. But it gets deeper. She’s listening to the song too, so she knows she’s not beautiful. Therefore, following the syllogism of the song, she’s instantly beautiful again.
It’s like an infinite fractal recursion. A flickering quantum state of both ‘hot’ and ‘not. This lyric as iterated algorithm could lead to a whole new musical genre. I call it ‘Moblus Pop’.
Folks, all of these people were on my show and therefore received the coveted Colbert bump. And the success of the Dem convention can only mean one thing. The bump has gone rogue. I’ve lost control of it. I prayed this day would never come … I have no choice Nation. Tonight, I have to shut down the Colbert bump.
But evidently even God was powerless to stop the bump. Probably because he’s never gotten it. Come on my show Mr. God!!
Neil deGrasse Tyson: That’s the unknowable majesty of space: that the greatest possible distance we can conceive - the outer limits of our imagination - is just the beginning. And that’s why the stars are just fireflies, stuck up on that bluish-black thing!
Why the F*** did I just say that?!?