June 4, 2012 — Rep. John Lewis

EPISODE NUMBER: 8105 (June 4, 2012)
GUESTS: Rep. John Lewis
SEGMENTS: Juvenile Speeches from Congress & President Sparkle-Talk | The Word - Sink or Swim | Better Know a District - Represent-O-Map 6000 & Georgia’s 5th | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Black Suit | White Shirt | Bright Canary Yellow Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, June 4, 2012

Tonight’s episode focused squarely on lawmakers, those who dumb down their rhetoric, those who create laws to ban climate studies, those who allow more congressmen to appear in BKADs (yay!), and those who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King to advance the cause of civil rights for all Americans.

I am glad that Stephen addressed the “Represent-o-map” issue - the map has been on colbertnation.com for some time, and I thought it was weird that he never mentioned it on the show - and now we know why, he was not aware of it! Whoops. I think it’s terribly exciting that we have 2 new BKADs coming our way this summer - let’s hope that this revitalizes the series and keeps ’em comin’. Yes, it is true that Stephen has, with gentle urging, gotten politicians to admit to liking cocaine and prostitutes, but no harm, no foul! All in good fun. No better way to appeal to young constituents in your congressional district than to sit across from Stephen Colbert and allow yourself to be better known.

Speaking of which, John Lewis. I love the story of how Stephen “attended” the Martin Luther King’s March on Washington in 1963. Stephen seems to take a great deal of pride in that, and understandably so. I think it is poignant that someone who would grow up to a prominent figure on the national stage, and concerned about our country’s “least brothers” would have been there, in what were probably the best possible accommodations (work with me, people! How do you put that politely?)

What are your thoughts on the episode? Do share in the comments.

Juvenile Speeches from Congress & President Sparkle-Talk

Congress isn’t very popular, and it doesn’t help that they are bullying the only black kid (shows Obama.)

Congress is so dumb that it took them seven years just to be held back a grade.

Nation, this is outrageous, and for you dim-bulb Congressmen out there, outrageous is a big word meaning Stephen suprisy-frown.

America’s leaders are speaking like high school sophomores, a silent language of angry glares at the dinner table between text messages.

[The Founding Founders] used soaring, poetic language about freedom…so that no one would notice they had slaves.

But folks, this isn’t limited to Congress, but old President Sparkle-Talk here is even dumber.

…that explains why this year he opened his address to Congress by saying “the State of the Union is totes awesome sauce.”

CN’s note: The writers got a nice riff in here:

Nation, I am an anti-government guy. But if we’re paying these clowns, I say, we should get something for our money! They should talk in a fancy way, it shows more respect for the sacred institutions I have no respect for. From now on, I want to hear naught but the most refined oratory from the distinguished Exemplars of democratic dicta, ensconced within our sacrosanct legislative chambers, supercilious, lupine pachyderm!

Don’t know what inspired it, but love the little character break here…

The Word -Sink or Swim

Now [scientists] are saying that CO 2 levels in the air are surpassing 400 parts per million for the first time in 800,000 years, when willy mammoths roamed the earth in Escalades.

First of all, what do the mean, 400 million parts? Air has only 2 parts: the breathy part, and the part that makes balloons go up.

We have no idea how much devastation that could cause, because it’s metric.

Plus, who’s going to want to watch MTV Spring Break from Valdosta, Georgia?

This issue is near and dear to my heart, and more importantly, to my beach house in South Carolina.

[A rise of waters] would devastate the coastal real estate market. [Mortgages literally under water.]

Those habitats should be lost to developer’s bull dozers. [Goodbye cranes, hello cranes.]

[North Carolina Republicans] would address the crisis predicted by these climate models, by outlawing the climate models. [Sea, No Evil.]

(Refers to high sea level forecasts) No politician wants that. [Except Senator Aquaman.]

And that shrinkage makes sense, because the water is cold. [If tide lasts more than 4 hours, call you climatologist.]

If you don’t like, pass a law saying your problem is illegal: problem solved. [E= MC Scared.]

However, if we only consider historical data, I have been alive my entire life; therefore, I always will be. [The Larry King Theorem.]

And if you extrapolate my life from the critical periods of age 8 to 18 , I will grow to be over 20 feet tall. [And have hair on 100% of his body.]

So I say, bravo, North Carolina. By making this bold action on climate change today, your insuring that when it comes, you’ll have plenty of options, or at least two. [Sink or Swim.]

Better Know a District - Represent-O-Map 6000 & Georgia’s 5th

If sunlight is such a great disinfectant, then why can’t I eat chicken that’s been left out on a park bench?

To help bring in a new crop, there is an exciting addition to colbertnation.com, the Represent-o-Map 6000, where you can encourage your congressman to come on my show through the ground breaking technique of me telling you who your congressman is.

Just go to the map, use it to find your representative, and urge them to come on the Report by sending them a heartfelt, personalized form letter.

(CN’s note: Nice to hear the BKAD “theme music” playing again, isn’t it? Oh BKAD, how we’ve missed you.)

The fifth district is located in and around Atlanta, and is home to the Centers for Disease Control, which sponsors the annual “For the Love of God Don’t Take Your Daughter to Work Day.”

Interview

Sign Off - Good Night

Stephen seems to be very pleased with how the interview went: