April 23, 2012 — Don McLeroy

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The Colbert Report Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: 8090 (April 23, 2012)
GUESTS: Don McLeroy
SEGMENTS: Steve Doocy’s Subtext Reporting | Tip/Wag: Pheromone Parties & “Pre-life” Laws | Mitt Romney’s Picnic Gaffe
SUIT REPORT: Navy Suit| White, striped shirt | Bright blue, patterned tie
VIDEOS: Monday, April 23, 2012

Last night was all about the celebration of the absurd, from politically-engineered redefinitions of pregnancy, to Mitt’s penchant for insulting cookies, to Steve Doocy’s journalistic integrity. A jaw dropping interview served as the topper, though.


As soon as I saw footage of Romney at the picnic table, I knew Stephen would cover it, and he did not disappoint in his critique. Governor Romney better show up at The Colbert Report soon, lest Stephen be available the entire campaign to wreak havoc on his carefully-orchestrated photo opps.

I thought Stephen did a great job handling the guest. He certainly “put the comedy gloves on,” stepped aside and let the audience make their own conclusions (which the very smart crowd did, loudly.)

What did you think of the episode? Share your thoughts in the comments section…unlike some people.

I’ll be off reading Dog Meat From My Stepfather, can’t seem to put it down.

Intro

Tonight Mitt Romney makes a gaffe at a picnic, he told the Amish he wife drives a couple of buggies.

And my guest, Don McLeroy, was the head of the Texas School Board who opposed the teaching of evolution. Or, maybe he wasn’t, the science isn’t in yet.

Neil Diamond has married someone 29 years his junior. Don’t worry, she’ll be a woman….soon.

Steve Doocy’s Subtext Reporting

The general election is barely underway, and President Obama is already resorting to ad hominem attacks, trying to divide the country just when the Republicans are trying to unite us against him. Fortunately, Fox & Friends Chief Friend, Steve Doocy, isn’t letting him get away with it.

"Unlike some people…who could Obama possibly mean? We all know when you are talking about someone being born into privilege, you can only be talking about Mitt Romney."

So petty. And It’s bound to backfire on the President, because being born rich is Mitt Romney’s greatest accomplishment.

And I believe it is a cowardly statement made by the President, made all the more cowardly by the fact that he actually never said it.

So he didn’t say, “unlike some people.” Unlike some people.

"It wasn't poor journalism. Doocy was practicing Journalism +, by quoting the subtext. It works like this:I don't give out hand jobs at the bus station, unlike some people."

And Doocy’s subtext must have seemed true, because his version was quoted verbatim by The New York Post and The Washington Post. I believe in journalism, that’s called picking up a dooce with your bare hands.

Sure, the White House claims that the President been using the silver spoon line since 2009, on the technicality that he has.

But just because the President has been saying it since 2009 doesn’t mean it’s not about Mitt Romney. He’s been running since 2005.

Obama’s passive aggressive slogan: Yes We Can -Unlike Some People

Competing Political Posters....Coming to an Election Near You.

So excellent reporting, Steve Doocy! And I know good reporting, I am independent newsman, not some smug, self-satisfied brown noser toadying to the Republican establishment…unlike some people.

Tip/Wag: Pheromone Parties & “Pre-life” Laws

I’m a taste-maker, everyone wants my seal of approval. The alternative is my walrus of condemnation. This is Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger!

""It's doubly convenient, because, should you suddenly have the agonizing realization that you have been reduced to smelling old T-shirts to find a date, your head is already in a plastic bag, just zip it shut."


But I am giving a Wag of my Finger at pheromone parties for encouraging pre-martial smelling. Read the Bible, you must wait for the wedding day, after the priest says, “You may now sniff the bride.”

That’s why we wear cologne, to keep us from smelling each other and falling into a wild, uncontrollable rut. Once again, my apologies to Doris Kearns Goodwin.

"Using pheromones to find your soul mate is a slipper slope, folks. Pretty soon, our young singles are going to be having tawdry, one-night stands with Bounce dryer sheets and the Snuggle Bear. You slut!"

***

Democrats have accused the Right of having a war on women. That is ridiculous, why would we go war with women, they don’t have any oil?

The truth is Republicans care deeply about women, just women who haven’t been born yet.

They’re not only pro-life, they are pre-life.

According to Arizona law, any woman who isn’t presently menstruating is pregnant. So congratulations, Nana. She’s not showing at all, and she must be in her 95th trimester.

But you’re not off the hook fellas because your sperm carries the chromosome that determines gender, so our balls are also pregnant. Makes sense, I haven’t had my period in years.

"They say playing Mozart to your baby in utero makes them smarter, so, I think it's time to play a little 'fine kleine nutmusik.' to my 'magic flute.'"

Mitt Romney’s Picnic Gaffe

Mitt is really connecting with average voters, like this casual get together last week when he accidentally came across four random Pittsburg couples having a picnic with their pet flag, Stripey.

But, as sometimes happens during Mitt’s daily minute of spontaneity, there were 59 seconds of awkwardness.

(After showing cookie-insulting clip.) Now, it’s a little rude, but may I point out, he didn’t fire them.

Now, it turns out the Bethel Bakery is the pride of Pittsburg, but how was he supposed to know Pittsburg has something it is proud of?

It was a joke, he knows they're poor, that's why it's funny."

Folks, on top of everything else I am insulted by the idea that people are going to elect the leader of the free world on whether he insulted cookies. They should base it on whether he harmed a dog.

…by the way, potential Romney running mates, arrange your own transportation.

He loved it, in fact, he always asks for it, “roof, roof, roof!”

Now, for some reason, that mysterious brown liquid has turned out to be a stain on Romney’s reputation.

…it was either Dreams From My Father, or the sequel Dog Meat From My Stepfather.

I wonder what Obama’s favorite dish was. German shepard’s pie? With a side of Bishon fries? Or Labradoodles with steamed Collieflower and hearts of Pomeranian? Hound cake.

Interview

SC: (after watching a clip of the documentary) I absolutely agree with that, sir. Someone has got to stand up to the experts. And I don’t want you to take this as insult, but I know you’re a dentist by trade, correct?
Don McLeroy: That’s right.
SC: I don’t believe that you’re an expert in teeth.
DM: (looks a bit uncomfortable) That’s right.
SC: I don’t believe the science is in on cavities.

SC: Why must we stand up to the experts?
DM: You know, when it gets to those good old evolutionist, they would have us believe so much that needs to be explained by unguided, natural processes, and, frankly, if you look at the complexity of the cell, I am skeptic. I am skeptic when I see that all of this is the result of unguided processes, after seeing how complex it is, I have become a creationist.

SC: How do you believe the world began? How long has it been here? And did we share the planet with dinosaurs?
DM: Yes.
SC: Human beings and dinosaurs walked side by side?
DM: Okay, that’s my personal view.
SC: No, it’s your personal, scientific view.
DM: Absolutely.
SC: Okay. I agree with you – science can be a personal choice.
DM: Well, I would like to explain why it seems so unreasonable. The atheist has the biggest problem. They have to have something come from nothing.
SC: Something cannot come from nothing.
DM: I teach my 4th grade Sunday school class what Jonathan described as nothing is what a sleeping rock dreams of. Now can you imagine writing a book about what a sleeping rock dreams of?

SC: "I know what a sleeping rock dreams of: hot lava on lava action." DM: "You're good."

SC: I think it would be even simpler if we took the textbook out, and just gave the kids the Bible and said, any questions?
How did the world begin?
DM: (quotes Bible) “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” And then when I found the evidence for evolution, I found it unconvincing. I don’t think He used evolution to do it.
SC: Really? I mean, I agree with you, but so few people agree with me. There is only one evidence of evolution for me, and that is the devil. He started off as an angel, and he evolved into a devil.
DM: He did it very quickly.
SC: One generation: himself. And that’s why he is trying to trick in saying that everything evolved.

SC:The changes you call for in the textbook aren’t just evolution. You also wanted to remove references to Thomas Jefferson, and his importance in the Founding Fathers. Why was that?
DM: Actually, that’s not true.

"No, I have personally chosen that it is true."

***
SC: Now how do things get into textbooks, I imagine that experts wrote textbooks, but in fact it gets voted on at a school board as to what is, uh, true?
DM: What happens is- (audience breaks out in delayed laughter)
SC: I just really want to know, does the school board decide what goes in or out?
DM: The school board decides what’s in the standards, and then the people who write the textbooks write the standards. This debate has been all about the standards.
SC: And if what they write doesn’t meet your standards, what happens?
DM: If they don’t, they will not be adopted.
SC: I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.

That “reality by majority vote” line really clinched it, didn’t it, Hubsters?

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