November 30, 2011 — Stephen Sondheim

14 comments

The Colbert Report Episode Guide EPISODE NUMBER: 8027 (November 30, 2011)
GUESTS: Stephen Sondheim
SEGMENTS: Newt Gingrich Denies Lobbying | Barney Frank’s Retirement | Better Know a District - Massachusetts’ 4th - Barney Frank Update | Conservative Siri
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | Light blue shirt | Yellow/Lavender stripped tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, November 30, 2011




The same reason why I have not registered by Audi A8. So legally it is not a car. That is why I can drive it on the side walk.

I grew up feeling strongly that Bud Light Lime is perfect for chilling at the pool in the backyard or pretty much anywhere. I'm not being paid to say that. I receive money from the good folks at Bud Light Lime because I happen to already think that Bud Light Lime is the official beer of natural good times.

Bill O'Reilly 'If you challenge Frank, he's in your face. If you point out his failure's he denies them. If you disagree with him on anything you're a moron.' High praise from Papa Bear. It's like he's discribing himself.

It's like when a gay guy walks into a restaurant. You don't scream 'Hide your children, he's looking for new meat'. You just hide your young one with a coat until danger passes.

I am a fan of Appl'es voice recognition software 'Siri'. It's got all the convenience of talking to a women, without paying that annoying $2.99 a minute.

Stephen: *with a Scottish accent* Siri can you direct me to the nearest kilt shop?
Siri: This is America. Wear pants you haggis eating bagpipe molestor.

Stephen: *with a British accent* Siri where does the rain in Spain mainly fall?
Siri: Why don’t you ask your stupid Queen? Or is she too inbred to answer?

Stephen: *with a German accent* Guten Tag. I would like directions to the local gymnasium.
Siri: How can you live with yourself after what you did to the Von Trapp family?

Stephen: Siri, have you had an affair with Herman Cain?
Siri: I was young and I needed the job.
Stephen: Aww, you poor thing.

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