November 29, 2011 — Tinariwen

EPISODE NUMBER: 8026 (November 29, 2011)
GUESTS: Tinariwen
EXCLUSIVE: “Imidiwan Ma Tenam”
SEGMENTS: He Said, She Said, She Said, She Said, She Said, She Was Paid Not to Say | Yahweh or No Way - Altered Catholic Mass, Papal Seat Belt & Offensive Vodka Ad | Tinariwen with Kyp Malone & Tunde Adebimpe | Tinariwen with Kyp Malone & Tunde Adebimpe - “Tenere Taqqim Tossam”
SUIT REPORT: Gray suit | White Suit | Maroon spotted tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, November 29, 2011

“I know the reach of Western culture. I am Western culture.” Anytime something like that comes from Stephen Colbert’s mouth, you know you are experiencing what is known as a very good episode. What did you all think of Tinariwen? I was really impressed with 1) Stephen having them on in the first place and 2) the way he managed to sneak humor into the language-barriered interview. I think the group really enjoyed our Stephen, and I in turn, really enjoyed the band’s sound. The piece they performed sort of reminded me of Sting’s “Desert Rose,” but this song was more hipstery and groovy. I hope to see the Report and Stephen continue to push the cultural and musical bounds. Bravo, sir.

As a Catholic, it always delightful to hear pious criticism of the in and outs of our ever changing liturgical system. I am totally going to have to consubstantiate my understanding of the new changes taking effect. Of course, most Catholics will just do what we always do when are not sure about what we are doing in mass: slurring our words together during the Nicene Creed and hoping for the best. God sees the attempt, is our rationalization.

Well, turn up the Tinariwen, bring out the Wodka, and tell us what you think in them that there comments area!

Quote-tanica

From the Intro:

And if Herman Cain campaign’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’.

…Tinariwen, from a north African nomadic tribe, which means they are always on tour.

Stalin’s daughter is dead at the age of 85. Your move, Cindi Hitler. (CN’s note: I think Hitler’s “daughter Cindi” should or would be spelled with an “i.”)

That chanting would sound great accompanied by some gourd.

From the Herman Cain She Said, She Said, She Said Segment:

Now technically, I think we are up to “He said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she was paid not to say.”

And there’s not reason for you to leave. A 13-year affair just proves that you can carry on a stable relationship. Two, counting your marriage.

Compared to all that reachin’ for the lady parts like a Dachsund going after a ball under the couch, these new allegations sound like Leave It to…let’s not say Beaver.

If these allegations prove true, that means you are one extra-marital affair behind Newt Gingrich.

From Yahweh, No Way:

They say every time God closes a door, he opens a window. That’s why heaven has such high air conditioning bills. this is “Yahweh, or No Way.”

Everybody knows, I am the most famous Catholic on television. I am the only one in the late night with his own chaplain. I am basically the Pope of Basic Cable.

The Catholic Church is not known for changing its position: missionary, by the way.

Listen up, Catholic Church, do not mess with the liturgy, the infallible word of God, which was translated from the Latin, which was translated from the Greek, which was translated from the Aramaic, which of course was translated from the original English.

Besides, do you know how long it took me to memorize all these prayers? It was harder than memorizing “We Didn’t Start the Fire”!

Really? “Consubstantial”? What the hell does that mean? I am trying to get into heaven here, not take the SATs! And for the record, Consubstantial is now Istanbul. (CN’s note: A little Ottoman Empire humor there.)

And worst of all, with these weird new changes, now, when I am sitting in the pew, I have to stop and actually think about what I am saying, instead of mindlessly reciting words while playing “Fruit Ninja” on my iPhone.

Now just because I think the Pope dropped the ball on this one, does not mean I am not on his side. I am a huge fan. He’s got the hair of Anderson Cooper, and the face of an angel that got stuck in a food dehydrator.

Hey, Germany, the Pope is infallible. He doesn’t have to obey your stupid traffic laws. If he wants to do 100 mph backwards down a one-way street, on the side walk, flashing his brights, exting with one hand while he Tokyo-drifts through a school zone, screaming “I don’t give a F—- with his windows down, and his system up, that is God’s will.

The Pope Mobile doesn’t just have a dashboard Jesus, it has Jesus in the dashboard. The Pope doesn’t need a seatbelt, because if the Pope gets in an accident, Jesus deploys.

And, if the Pope has had a bit too much of the Sacrament, Jesus can turn the wine back into water, so he doesn’t get a DUI.

If you look closely, that dog is an Afghan…

I am personally offended that Wodka, their $9, potato peeled bathtub hooch is Christmas quality. Christmas is not about getting blitzed on Vodka; it’s about getting blitzed on eggnog. Rumballs, rum-nog, and egg-balls. Every holiday has its own liquor. Whiskey is for St. Patrick’ Day, tequila is for Cinco de Mayo, and Absynthe is for Martin Luther King Day. Trust me, you drink enough, and you will have a dream.

And Wodka is a Russian drink. Their big holiday isn’t Christmas, it’s Easter. And it makes sense, because if you down enough of this swill, it is going to rise again.

Interview Quotables

My guests tonight are a North African refugee band; so their living conditions are slightly better than most American bands.

How did TV on the Radio hook up with nomadic musicians from Mali? Just ran into each other at Starbucks?

La la, if you don’t mind translating here, “Stephen Colbert is a very handsome man.”

I know the reach of Western culture. I am Western culture.

Is there a big music scene in the desert of Mali?

This is your last night before you fly back to Mali. If I can give you some advice, don’t wear this to security.

From the Sign Off:

[Tinariwen’s album] is on sale now all across Mali. They are available for bar mitzvahs.