November 15, 2011 — Elijah Wood

The Colbert Report Episode Guide EPISODE NUMBER: 8022 (November 15, 2011)
GUEST: Elijah Wood
SEGMENTS: Occupy Wall Street Decamped | Difference Makers - Jimmy Justice | Bears & Balls - Celebrity Relics & Gooooooold! | Sign Off - One Ring
SUIT REPORT: Black pinstripe suit | White shirt | Maroon tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Stephen’s love of The Lord of the Rings would be infectious to me if I wasn’t already in love with The Lord of the Rings. Watching Stephen and Elijah discuss (or rather, not discuss) The Hobbit is the highlight of the show to date, as far as I’m concerned. I’m talking ever, folks. But that’s just me. Continue reading for caps and quotes! Even the parts that didn’t involve Elijah Wood.

"To protect everyone's health and safety, they sent in this guy. There he is, helping the wounded and the sick, with his two fists -- Florence and Nightingale."

"The Founders never intended indefinite free speech. They assumed that after two weeks any protest would be wiped out by Smallpox."

"I am fed up with people who think they can just laze around and be a drain on society. I don't do that. I work hard to be a drain on society. It takes a lot of effort and falsified paperwork to collect Veteran's benefits. Don't believe me? Just ask 90-year-old D-Day Veteran Colbert T. Stephenson. Thank you for your service, sir."

"Everybody wants Dorothy's ruby slippers, Madonna's cone bra, or J. Edgar Hoover's ruby slippers and cone bra."

"Hi, I'm Stephen Colbert. Are you a former Goldline executive facing jail? These are such uncertain times in the prison economy. If you don't want to get shanked in the mess line, you'll need a reliable investment. Safe, secure cigarettes from Smoke-line."

"You ever eat a penguin? It's like chicken-fish. It's delicious."

"Do you get tired of people coming up to you and going 'HEY you're the penguin from Happy Feet'?"

"I'm not saying that I'm just as much Frodo as you are... I'm just saying..."

Oh, to be a fly on the wall during that post-interview conversation. (If you are itching for some behind-the-scenes Hobbit news, check out TheOneRing.net and Peter Jackson’s Facebook page.) Now that we all know my favorite TCR interview ever, what is yours?