EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 34 (Friday, October 30, 2015)
GUESTS: Charlie Rose | Stacy Schiff | Ghost | The Zombies
SPECIAL GUEST(S): Rob Gronkowski (as Master Chief from “Halo”)
EXCLUSIVE(S): The Zombies - “Moving On”
SEGMENTS: Stephen Is A Sexy Teenage Vampire | A Special Halloween Warning | Stephen Gets Some Trick-or-Treaters | Charlie Rose | How to Carve a Pumpkin | Stacy Schiff | Ghost - “Cirice”
SUIT REPORT: Black Coat | Burgundy Vest | White Shirt | Purple Cravat with Brooch | Black Trousers | Black Boots | Fangs

Happy Halloween Hubsters! Last night’s show was filled with spooky fun! Stephen showed us his Vampire costume, and even had the guests dress up as well. We got some great interviews, and a Halloween themed digital segment. Long time fans were also in for a surprise last night, as Stephen brought back an old Halloween segment, but this time Tom Hanks wasn’t the one doing some product placement. What was your favorite part of the show? Let us know down in the comment section below! The show was a real treat! Here is your spooky LSSC Halloween guide!

Stephen Is A Sexy Teenage Vampire

Stephen entered the spooky themed Halloween set, but not in his usually attire. Stephen was dressed in costume, which of course was “Sexy Teenage Vampire”.

• I’m still a teenager, because as you can see, vampire’s never age.

Since this was the last show before Halloween, Stephen had to bring a little spooky fun over to the new show. Stephen had a great costume, but talking in vampire teeth isn’t easy, and he might have wanted to practice that during rehearsal.

• One thing I learned as a vampire is that if you’re going to wear teeth like this, you should definitely do it in rehearsal as well. Because, unless I concentrate very hard, I sound like a vampire from Barcelona.

Stephen then showed us his Barcelona vampire accent. Vampire’s also don’t wear glasses, but Stephen does, so this also posed a problem, but he risked it all to show us his smoky vampire eye shadow. Since Stephen wasn’t wearing his glasses, he probably should’ve warned the affiliates, the show might go longer than expected. Stephen then told us that he has dressed up as a vampire for Halloween every year since the 1st grade. He believes that for Halloween, you should dress up as something scary. So hubsters, return your Sexy Construction Worker costumes, cause that is not scary!

• Sexy Construction Worker, that’s not scary. It’s also not very safe. A lot of work place injuries are caused by sexiness. Don’t get me wrong a construction hat, a half shirt, short shorts, that’s a great look. But when you’re arc welding an I-beam 40 stories up, sparks hits your thigh, you try to brush it off, you drop the hammer 15 stories, it takes somebody out. Then you gotta rush that person to the Sexy Nurse at the Sexy Hospital, and before you know it you’ve got a Sexy Lawsuit on your hands. Moral of the story, vampire’s don’t pay worker’s comp.

Stephen gave us a little history on Halloween as well. It turns out that Denny’s has a lot in common with the ancient Samhain way of Halloween.

• Of course, while Halloween is a Christian festival, it has it’s roots in Samhain, an ancient Celtic pagan festival, where the living and the dead overlap, much like Denny’s.

Looks like Stephen didn’t have to warn the affiliates after all, because he decided to put on his glasses, and this made the show go much quicker. He introduced his guests for the evening, having only a little trouble pronouncing Stacy Schiff’s name. Stephen then showed off his ‘Thriller’ dance moves. Don’t be scared, it’s just the lovely Jon Batiste and Stay Human getting ready to play the theme song. Jon and the band were accompanied by ‘The Zombies’ last night. Before the theme song, Stephen had one last thing.

• Today President Obama announced he’ll be sending U.S.Special Forces to fight in Syria. Now he just has to decide who we’re fighting.

A Special Halloween Warning

Stephen tells us that although this is a comedy show, he takes it very seriously. So seriously that he even took out his vampire teeth, to continue the show no longer talking like a Barcelona Vampire. It’s also part of Stephen’s job to safeguard his viewers, especially around the holiday’s. Stephen then introduced his new segment “Halloween Warning” . The warning was specifically for Peoria, Arizona, as there was a giant inflatable pumpkin terrorizing the town. It was rolling around town affecting traffic, and causing pedestrians to run away in terror. The pumpkin was finally stopped, as it got caught on a park swing set, and began to deflate. Stephen let us know that in decoration tradition the Halloween pumpkin will be left at the swing set until January. Now even though the giant inflatable pumpkin has been stopped, this doesn’t mean that all giant inflatable objects will not rise up and terrorize us.

• Stay vigilant, because at any minute the Tube Men could rise up and flail us to death, with their noodly arms. Or worse Summer Fun King Kong could crush us, after he crushes the competition’s prices on lease to own Mazda’s.

That’s not the only Halloween danger Stephen has to warn us of. Beware of your candy nation!

• Everybody loves trick-or-treating, but it turns out there’s a downside to sending your kids out, so that they can take candy from strangers.

Stephen warns us about those who put razor blades in candy. He even says those people are almost as bad as the one’s who give out apples. So, to make sure your candy is safe, check before eating. Throw out anything that is open, or a Bit-O-Honey. If you’re a parent, make sure to just lay your kid’s candy all out and inspect it. Don’t forget to charge your inspection fee, before handing back the candy to your children. But, Stephen let’s us in on what the media doesn’t want us to know, the razor blade stories are all urban legends. After all razor blades are way too expensive. But, according to a report from Reynoldsburg, Ohio, the fun size may be over. A teen came home from trick or treating, and exchanged candy with friends, and he bit into a small Snickers bar that contained a razor blade, the size of a disposable razor.

• A disposable razor. So not only will it cut your mouth, but the lubricating strip tastes terrible.

According to police, no one was hurt, and the other kid’s candy was taken to the Franklin County morgue so that it could be examined. Stephen was sad to report the death of someone all chocolate lovers will know, Mr. Goodbar.

• Yes the morgue, where I’m sorry to say, that at 11:44pm, Mr. Goodbar was pronounced dead. He is survived by the widow Goodbar, and their Baby, Ruth.

Stephen is having a hard time believing this story, because this is the first documented report ever, of candy with razor blades in them on Halloween. Stephen then lets us in on some more info, and shares that this did not happen on Halloween. Halloween is on Saturday this year, this incident happened Thursday night. So, it still remains that razor blade candy has not been found on Halloween, this was October 29th candy so it doesn’t count. So why are kids in Reynoldsburg trick or treating on Thursday? Probably cause they have to celebrate the 4th of July on Saturday.

• Reynoldsburg, Why can’t you wait until October 31st?, let me guess, that’s when you celebrate the 4th of July. Look here’s the thing, Do I wanna see kids get razor blades in their candy?, on a Thursday yeah, sorry.

Stephen also puts razor blades in his candy, to prevent him from eating it before Halloween. But, don’t worry, he removes the blades before handing it out. Be careful Nation, to not end up like the Joker, be sure to go trick-or-treating on Halloween only.

Stephen Gets Some Trick-Or-Treaters

Stephen put his vampire teeth back in for a minute, and explained that the nice thing about the teeth was that it gave a very noble quality. Stephen then gave us his best vampire “Hey Y’all”.

He took out his teeth, and started to get into a serious topic. Stephen was getting ready to unveil his plan for Jerusalem, so that it can be peacefully shared amongst the three religions, but then he was interrupted by the sound of a doorbell. Looks like we have some trick or treaters at LSSC! This bit immediately reminded me of the old show, except this time Tom Hanks wasn’t there to do some product placement. Stephen answered the LSSC door, and his first two trick-or- treaters were a pirate, and a young girl who described her costume as , “ I’m a princess, it’s a gender role imposed on me, by my parents.” Stephen gave the kids some candy, and off they went. Stephen started to dive back into the topic of Jerusalem, but again more trick-or-treaters came by, and one of them had a very interesting costume. Master Chief from “Halo” was there to get some candy, and of course promote “Halo 5 Guardians ”. He gave some copies to the kids. Stephen then told “Master Chief” he can’t just show up, and do product placement for the video game.

• Hold on, you can’t just come on my show , and do product placement for “Halo 5: Guardians”. Now exclusively for Microsoft Xbox One.

Master Chief apologized, and Stephen offered him some candy, which the Master Chief dumped onto his face. Stephen suggested maybe taking the helmet off to eat the candy, and so he did. Master Chief’s identity was finally revealed, and it was Patriot football player Rob Gronkowski. Stephen congratulated Gronk on “spanking the Dolphins”. Let’s hope CBS doesn’t mind Stephen saying that. Gronk explained why he loved Halloween, and said it was a great opportunity to tell people about “Halo: 5 Guardians”, and proceeded to give out more copies to the kids. Now Stephen wanted to be sure that these kids were of age to play this game, after all it’s rated T for Teen. But, the little ballerina assures Stephen she is in fact 13. Stephen then sent Gronk and the kids on their way.

Interview — Charlie Rose

Charlie Rose entered the stage in his fantastic Frankenstein costume. Stephen also pointed out the shoes Charlie was wearing, high platform boots that not even Lady Gaga would wear. Stephen congratulated Mr. Rose on his Walter Cronkite award, and then proceeded to ask Mr. Rose for some advice on interviewing.

Colbert: I’ve just started interviewing people as myself, not as a character. What, and I mean this absolutely seriously, What’s the best advice you can give to somebody about having to, to get people to open up for you.
Rose: Engage, listen, and follow up.
Colbert: What do you mean engage? Just be interested in them?
Rose: Well yeah , you want them to know that you care that you’re there and they’re there.
Colbert: Charlie I care that you’ re here.
Rose: He cares so much, that I’m inviting him to do my show in costume. So I gotta ask you a question, Boxer or Brief?
Colbert: Haha! I free ball it Charlie. I’ll come dressed as someone with dignity, that’s the best costume that I have.

Stephen and Charlie then get into more serious topics such as Syria, Russia, and Putin. Charlie has done 1,000 CBS shows and has been on PBS for 25 years. Charlie ended the interview by saying how great he thinks Stephen’s interviews are, and said that a particular favorite of his was the Joe Biden interview, which I can definitely agree with Charlie on. Charlie also wants to make a deal with Stephen. Charlie will help Stephen with interviews, if Stephen helps Charlie on being funny. Stephen said he would come to the show, and they could do pratfalls.

How to Carve a Pumpkin

Stephen welcomes everyone back from the commercial, and lets some new viewers know why he is dressed as a vampire.

• I’m dressed like this, because tomorrow is Halloween, unless this is a re-run, in which case I look like a total jackass.

Stephen tells us about his favorite part of Halloween, carving pumpkins!

• But I especially love carving the jack o’lantern. It combines my two favorite things, knives and faces.

Here are some tips the clip mentioned:

• Don’t forget to give your pumpkin a big smile, and remember that like people some pumpkins are born failures, so they might be difficult to deal with.
• Ladies, don’t forget you can also make your Jill o’lantern, and add a special lady candle, don’t let the guys have all the fun.
• Make some pumpkin punch, by pouring your liquor of choice directly into a pumpkin, and to make things go quicker add a spigot.
• Make some farm fresh pumpkin pie, by just simply chopping up your pumpkin into pie pieces, and be sure to add whipped cream.
• Don’t let society tell you what a pumpkin is, carve a watermelon!

That’s it for the tips. Check out the video on the LSSC site for more pumpkin carving fun.

Interview — Stacey Schiff

Stephen did not have any trouble pronouncing Stacy’s name this time around. Stacy entered the stage in her black cat costume. Stephen and Stacy talked about the Salem Witch Trials. Stacy explained how the trials all started, and talked to Stephen about a lot of the details of these trials.

Colbert: Did they burn the witches?
Schiff: They hang the witches in Massachusetts.
Colbert: They hanged them, well that seems much nicer than burning them.
Schiff: Don’t you think, it’s far more polite.
Colbert: How many people ended up being killed during the witch trials?
Schiff: 20, presumably innocent people die.
Colbert: Presumably innocent people die, we don’t know, we don’t want to pre-judge. They could’ve been witches.

The two then talked about, how people died during these trials, and how one could get out of being accused. Stacy also tells Stephen of the tests that were given to prove one was not a witch. One of the tests was being able to recite the lord’s prayer, which Stephen did, so Stephen is not a witch.

Ghost- “Cirice”

Lastly there was an interesting and spooky performance by Ghost. Their album is called “Meliora” and is available to purchase now.

That’s it for this spooky fun guide hubsters! Have a safe and Happy Halloween! Please feel free to leave a comment below, and tune in next week for brand new guides and much more.