EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 16 (Tuesday, September 29, 2015)
GUESTS: Ellen Page | Jesse Eisenberg | Dominic Wilcox
SEGMENTS: Monologue | So, A Congressman Stole the Pope’s Water Glass | China Finally Wants to Clear the Air | Ellen Page | Jesse Eisenberg | Welcome to the First Church of Cannabis | Dominic Wilcox
SUIT REPORT: Dark Blue Suit | White Shirt | Navy Tie

Monologue

Stephen opened tonight’s with a brief monologue on the new ‘Daily Show’, a summary of the night’s guests, then straight into the theme song, featuring the new announcer. What do you think of the new announcer? Would you prefer Stephen to keep doing it? Should they keep looking for an announcer? Or do something completely different?

• Jon Stewart is looking tan and rested. I don’t know where he went on his vacation but he came back with a kind of adorable accent […] Also looking forward to Trevor Noah. I’ve heard great things about that guy.

So, A Congressman Stole the Pope’s Water Glass

Still recovering from Pope Francis fever, Stephen expressed his exasperation at Congressman Bob Brady’s Papal “souvenir”. Why be content with a Pope Francis badge, bookmark, or plushie, when you could go one step further a la Congressman Brady, and steal the glass of water Pope Francis drank from while speaking at Congress.

• Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Art thou series? You stole the Pope’s used drinking glass!

“I’m considering it as Holy water. I’m not checking with anybody. I don’t want to know …”

And what does one do with a glass of “Holy” water? Well if you’re Congressman Brady, you share it with your family and staff, and of course, you save a few drops to sprinkle on the grandkids. Oh yeah, you also hand it over “to Philadelphia police to dust it for fingerprints to prove its authenticity.”

But don’t worry, Congressman Brady knows what he’s doing …

“He’s done it before, when he swiped President Barack Obama’s glass after his inauguration in 2009.”

As Stephen noted, “Okay, this is bordering on a fetish now.” Which leaves one remaining question … Who’s glass of water is next?

China Finally Wants to Clear the Air

Next up, President Xi of China was given a full south lawn welcome during his visit to the White House, “where the Chinese President greeted every White House staffer by name and bank account.” The occasion marked a landmark summit with the United States and China agreeing “that neither country’s government will conduct … cyber-enabled theft of intellectual property.” But even more surprising, was China’s announcement that it is working to lower its green house gas emissions, due to the “growing public anger about the noxious air that often envelops … Chinese cities.”

Interview — Ellen Page

The lovely Ellen Page was on to promote her new film “Freeheld.” The film, based on a true story, centres around “New Jersey police Lt. Laurel Hester, and her registered domestic partner, Stacie Andree, who battle to secure Hester’s pension benefits when she is diagnosed with terminal cancer.”

The last time the two met was back on ‘The Colbert Report’ where Ellen was promoting ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’, in which she played the fictional Kitty Pryde. Stephen, having recently transitioned from playing a fictional character to the real-“ish” him asked for some advice on how to make the transition.

Ellen goes on to speak about how the change that has taken place in regards to marriage equality since the events of the film, which occurred in 2005. And how some people believe that their religious beliefs are being infringed upon by legalising gay marriage.

The most touching part of the interview came when Ellen spoke candidly about the relief she feels at finally being able to live as her true self after coming out as gay on Valentine’s Day last year.

Page: I feel so grateful for it. I feel so grateful to feel how I feel now, compared to how I felt when I was a closeted person. It’s not a nice place to be. I was sad. Staying in the closet is toxic, and I wish that no one had to live that way. I’m a very privileged gay person, and those who are affected the most in our community are the most vulnerable. And I feel very grateful to be able to talk about things or share stories and meet incredibly inspiring people and have connections with people.

Interview — Jesse Eisenberg

Bubbling with nervous energy, Jesse Eisenberg was on to promote his new collection of short stories, ‘Bream Gives Me Hiccups‘, some of which are going to be adapted by Amazon and made into a show(s).

Both having written books, Jesse and Stephen talked about the point at which one fully commits to the mammoth task of writing a book, and about the conflicting feelings of wanting everyone to read the book, yet noting wanting anyone to read it at all. Similarly, they also discussed the oddness of shaving ones head and seeing a new part of their body, essentially naked for the first time. Luckily, they are both pleased with the shape of their skulls.

Welcome to the First Church of Cannabis

While Stephen might not have a problem when it comes to “Pantomime.”

He is on the fence when it comes to …

Naturally, this spiked his curiosity in a new church in Indianapolis, called the First Church of Cannabis.

• The Church of Cannabis belies that the dank Sinatra is a Holy sacrament, and encourages its members to toke up in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy crap I think there’s cop outside, flush it, flush it.

Dominic Wilcox

About the only thing Dominic Wilcox hasn’t thought of or invented, is something to keep Stephen’s glasses on his head!