EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 9 (Friday, September 18, 2015)
GUESTS: Lupita Nyong’o | Bernie Sanders | Chris Wheeldon | Robert Fairchild | Leanne Cope
SEGMENTS: Monologue | America is Getting Its Bern Notice | Female Viagra is Coming | Lupita Nyong’o | Senator Bernie Sanders | Christopher Wheeldon | Robert Fairchild and Leanne Cope - “An American in Paris”
SUIT REPORT: Dark Blue Suit | Light Blue Shirt | Dark Maroon Patterned Tie
Monologue
After much high kicking, spinning, dancing and a little panting, Stephen finally began his second ever, wait! Make that third ever Friday night show - lookin’ at you Thursday night football - in front of an audience full of Bernie Sanders supporters.
- Actress, Lupita Nyong’o is here. Oscar winner. She might be our first Oscar winner. She was born in Mexico, and raised in Kenya, so she fills out every square in the ‘Donald Trump Fear Bingo’ card.
America is Getting Its Bern Notice
There’s currently a presidential race going on. But one thing you may not have noticed, and thankfully we have kind folk like Stephen to point it out to us, is that there are also Democrats running. Who knew? I thought it was just Trump, that other Bush, and that cute guy behind Jake Tapper on CNN.
- The 2016 presidential race is gearing up, because lately the news is full of disturbing reminders that there is a place called, Iowa.
- Hillary Clinton’s got the name recognition, she’s got tons of cash, and seven enchanted horcrux’s. But a funny thing happened on the way to her nomination, and that is Vermont Senator and guy in front of you at the deli trying to return salami, Bernie Sanders.
- [Bernie Sanders] is a self describe socialist, who would also be our oldest president ever. The man is 74 years old. That’s five years older than Donald Trump, and 50 years older than anyone Donald Trump would marry.
- A guy in his 70’s filling stadiums. Who does he think he is? A Rolling Stone?
Female Viagra is Coming
- Today, we can give a 91 year old man sitting outdoors in cold bath water an erection that will last for 6 hours. Or the rest of his life, which ever comes first.
- That’s right, female Viagra, is called, ‘Flibanserin’. Combing “F” for female, “Lib” as in libido, and “Anserin”, as in answering all the prays of all those old men with petrified wood.
- And, it works-ish, because women who took Flibanserin in clinical trials reported ‘two to three of what they defined as “sexually satisfying events” per month’. That’s an increase from of ‘one event per month more than for women who got a placebo’. Though, far fewer than women who skipped the study and went to see ‘Magic Mike XXL’.
- Of course, both subject groups reported less satisfaction than patients who were given Ecstasy and released into a bouncy castle.
- If you’re taking Flibanserin you cannot drink and since it’s a daily pill, that means total abstinence from alcohol. Because nothing gets you in the mood, like starring at your long time partner stone cold sober.
Interview — Lupita Nyong’o
The lovely Lupita Nyong’o dropped by the Ed Sull to talk about her new play, ‘Eclipsed’. Despite having achieved such great success in her career, Lupita admitted to having suffered ‘acute impostor syndrome’, something Stephen knows all about after a decade on ‘The Colbert Report’. Lupita and Stephen also bonded over their enjoyment of doing embarrassing things in public, and showed off their silly walks, with Stephen doing the “really cool guy who can’t walk down stairs”, and Lupita nailing the “paranoid person whose pants are falling down”.
Interview — Senator Bernie Sanders
Bernie Sanders was welcomed onto the show with a sound rare to Stephen’s ears … the sound of the audience chanting someone else’s name. Clearly pro-Bernie, the audience applauded his vision for a United States that followed the more socialist Scandinavian model, and one in which the rich does not keep gettting richer, and the poor does not keep getting poorer. Stephen brought up the fact that Bernie is one of the few candidates who do not have a Super PAC, and that by doing so, he is not using everything available to a presidential candidate to further their campaign. But Bernie, does not support the agenda or corporate America or the billionaire class, but instead wants to run a people’s not billionaire’s campaign.
Sanders: Look, clearly we want a society which encourages entrepreneurship and innovation. But what we also want is a society in which all of our people can enjoy a decent standard of living, and not a society in which the very rich get much richer while virtually everybody else gets poorer.
Colbert: But in concrete terms what does that mean, is that like an 80% tax rate —
Sanders: In concrete terms, what it means is that it is a moral outrage that the top one-tenth of one percent today owns almost as much wealth as the bottom 90 percent, and that 58 percent of all new income is going to the top one percent. That major corporations making billions of dollars a year, in some cases, don’t pay a nickel in federal taxes. That is the outrage, and that has got to change.
Colbert: What do you say to the people out there who are comparing you to Donald Trump, and saying that you are exciting or taking advantage of the same general anger that Donald Trump is?
Sanders: I think that what Trump is doing is appealing to the baser instincts among us: xenophobia and, frankly, racism. [He’s] describing an entire group of people (in this case Mexicans) as rapists or as criminals… That’s the same old thing that’s gone on in this country for a very long time. You target some group of people, and you go after them. You take people’s anger, and you turn it against them—you win votes on it. I think that is disgraceful and not something we should be doing in 2015. What I am talking about is a vision that goes beyond telling us we have to hate a group of people. What I am talking about is saying that, in the wealthiest country in the history of the world, there are extraordinary things that we can do when people come together—black and white and gay and straight—and demand the government start working for all of us—not just a few.