EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 2 (Wednesday, September 9, 2015)
GUESTS: Scarlett Johansson | Elon Musk | Kendrick Lamar
SEGMENTS: Funny Story | Race to the Merch House | The Hat Has Spoken | Scarlett Johansson | Stephen and Scarlett Johansson Ask the Big Questions | Elon Musk | Kendrick Lamar (Medley - “To Pimp A Butterfly”) | Sign Off
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | Light Blue Shirt | Navy Patterned Tie

Hello Fellow Hubsters! It’s another night of firsts, as I complete my first episode guide for ‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’. Please be patient with me as I try to compile my thoughts accordingly!

A giddy-as-usual Stephen graced the stage with Jon Batiste, while dancing energetically. We also noticed some dainty-gestured-moves before showing Batiste some additional love. His monologue started with very welcoming laughter after making the comment, “I made it to day two everybody. I believe that’s when my health insurance kicks in!”

He then informed the audience and those of us watching at home of a funny story; that the premiere almost didn’t make the cut to air on September 8th due to having to be severely cut down in editing, along with the dilemma of computers crashing, etc. Even at 11:20pm EST on Tuesday, there was still no guarantee that the show would air… can we say panic fest?! But obviously it did, and it was amazing.

Colbert then said in jest that he had a potential promising second career lined up as an instructor at a theatre camp in Idaho.

In completion of the monologue he introduced the guests who would be appearing for this evening’s show, Scarlett Johansson, Elon Musk (aka the ‘real’ Tony Stark), and Kendrick Lamar, who was here to promote his new album, ‘To Pimp a Butterfly’, which he added was the sequel to ‘A Very Horny Caterpillar’. Epic.

Between the next two segments you could only hear chanting of Stephen’s name, a classic sound for most audiences of Colbert, and he added the comment: “The last 9 month’s he only heard it [his last name] on his alarm clock. He then goes from his standing-to-sitting portion of the ‘variety show’.

During the Race to the Merch House segment, we were educated on all things that could be purchased as campaign-worthy-swag, and some silly items followed in suit. The regalia consisted of Hillary Clinton’s ‘Chillary Drink’ koozie, Bernie Sanders ‘Feel the Bern’ coffee mug and last but not least, the very obviously overpriced Jeb Bush endorsed ‘Guaca Bowle’. He added that we would “not be buying useless crap, [we would be] doing our patriotic duty buying useless crap.” Stephen added items in which would appropriately fit into his campaign store, an item honing the name Undecided 2016, reminding us of the sploofing of a classic InDecision theme from The Daily Show, a Blank 2016 shirt, offered in one-size-fits-all, a 20-sided di containing faces of each of the candidates on it, and lastly a bumper sticker saying ‘Bite Me, it’s 2015.’

Stephen informs us that “with a great job comes a great responsibility” and people may seek in him strong leadership, which he promises to do ‘”one hour per night, 5 days per week, unless football runs long”. He claims that with millions of spectators each night, late night talk show hosts are leaders of their time, who are to the 21st century what Caesar, Napoleon and Genghis Khan were in centuries past.

This lead in introduces us to a possible recurring segment entitled ‘The Hat Has Spoken’, which is when he wears this particular hat, he is then endowed with unconditional power – along with its two major attributes, its ‘bigness’ and ‘furriness’. He runs across the set and upstairs as a large Khan-esque hat is lowered onto his head. “Any proclamations made while wearing it are now forever law”. Hilarious one-liners (and camera angles) followed, as he proclaimed notes such as proper ways to say goodbye to acquaintances at parties, warning stars who have not appeared in another Oscar-winning movie in ten years that they give back said Oscar or give it to him one Oscar if they have a surplus of said Oscars, forbidding those who strum guitars in instrument stores cease playing them (“we get it, you know the intro to ‘Wish You Were Here’ by Pink Floyd”), allowing Starbucks to only sell CD’s by artists that sing about coffee, along with badgering the makers of ‘I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter’ for knowing that it wasn’t butter all along. There were a few more, but the segment definitely made for quite the chuckle-fest.

The first guest was Scarlett Johanssen (who was complimented as beautifully by Stephen while wearing a leather top, black pants and cute heel), who had just freshly landed from her current home in Paris. When asked about why she decided to move to Paris, she states that her husband is French and she is being encouraged to learn French as well. Stephen continues to speak in a French accent to her during this portion of the interview, which she tells him is terrible. When asked about her success as an actress in many playing realms, he asks her what’s something she’d like to do that she hasn’t done before. She states that she has ‘always wanted to be a dermatologist’. Stephen claims that she is ‘shooting big’. Speaking of big things, she says that she is personal friends with Elon Musk, and explains how they met, during Ironman 2, by their permission of using his Space X facility in Los Angeles. She calls him ‘the real Tony Stark’, and says she is fascinated by the things he is behind and that he is a lovely guy. They schmooze about super hero movies, stating that the guys have to get ‘super jacked’, which Colbert adds ‘don’t women in Hollywood have to get jacked to get froyo or something’. Scarlett adds, ‘You’ve never seen the Black Widow crotch-grab’, which we are then reminded that it’s a family show.

After the commercial break, accolades are given to the wonderful house band, John Batiste and Stay Human. Stephen then says to Scarlett that he gets the impression that she’s a deep, and asks if they can ‘get real for a minute’. This introduces the segment entitled ‘Big Questions with Even Bigger Stars’, showing Stephen and Scarlett laying on a blanket while watching the stars in reflection of questions they have for one another. Stephen starts by asking Scarlett, ‘Would you rather have feet for hands or hands for feet?’ She responds. Hands for feet, adding ‘If you had feet for hands, it would be hard to tie shoelaces on your hands, or eat a yogurt.’ Scarlett then asks Stephen a question, ‘What do you think Oprah is doing right now? He responds hilariously, ‘Probably talking to Gail in their secret language.’ When each of them ask what they want to have done with their bodies when they die, Scarlett admits to wanting to be dumped into the Hudson, and Stephen professes to wanting to be ‘dipped in a souffle and served to his enemies in one of NY’s finest restaurants. Truly an adorable segment. Commercial break.

Elon Musk is the next guest to come out. Known as the ever-so-suave CEO of Space X, Chairman of Solar City and driving force behind Tesla, Stephen gives him a hard time for wearing a tuxedo jacket for casual wear, suggesting his one-upping of ScarJo’s glamorous look. Stephen asks Elon if he’s trying to save the world and if he’s the superhero or villain. Elon admits to trying to do useful things. Stephen admits to Elon that he owns a Tesla and loves it. Tesla’s next move is a snake-like propelled charger for home use. Colbert claims that this reminds him of something Neyo had attached to his head in the Matrix series, to which Elon responds, “for the prototype, don’t drop anything near it.” Nice double entendre there, Musk. Nice. Further discussion led them to the idea of Mars being claimed to Elon as a ‘fixer upper planet’ and with enough work can thrive just like Earth. Elon explains ways in which to slow greenhouse gases and speaks in regards to the Space X experiment of a Falcon rocket goal to land on a drone ship, which unfortunately broke a leg and exploded upon landing. He claims that commercial flights to space could be possible as soon as 2-3 years from now – wow, so very soon. Stephen tells him that he appears to have a very hopeful vision of the world, that it’s fixable, and Elon says that we need to make our world a more sustainable place in this century, which Stephen says he’s the right guy to do it in order to make our future a better place. Truly a great segment from a powerful mastermind. It’s always nice to hear Elon Musk speak on these issues, as he feels nothing is impossible nor outside of reach when it comes to the sustainability of our planet’s resources alongside technology.

The final guest was musical artist Kendrick Lamar, who gave a very versatile performance of samplings from his new album ‘To Pimp a Butterfly’. Kendrick had performed once before at The Colbert Report prior to its shows ending. This long, jazzy, funky and passionate set drove Stephen to later tweet how he ‘suddenly has enormous affection for Kendrick Lamar’ including with a clip of how glad Kendrick was to be back and him stating that he wanted to return for many episodes to come of the newfound Late Show.

The show’s final closing remarks were made, along with an exit of Batiste playing. Stephen chimed in playing cowbell. The lovely Spartina Productions banner closed out the show’s credits (fun-fact: which also came from TCR-era tapings due to a collaboration with the ever-so-talented J.J. Sedelmaier Productions company).

That’s a wrap! See you Thursday night, guys!