EPISODE NUMBER: 10018 (November 5, 2013)
GUESTS: Julius Erving
SEGMENTS: Rob Ford’s Crack Scandal | Difference Makers – Tim Morrison and Meagan Brame | Gay Sex in the Insect World | Sign Off – Crack Pipe
EXTENDED INTERVIEW: Julius Erving
SUIT REPORT: Light Grey Pin-Striped Suit | Powder Blue Shirt | Blue Tie with Light Blue and Purple Stripes
VIDEOS Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Tonight’s episode was an absolute blast to watch. Stephen hit the crack pipe (yes, you read that correctly), declared Tim Morrison and Meagan Brame ‘Difference Makers’ and then took it back, made an historic apology to “the gays” and as the cherry on top of this delicious cake, played trashcan basketball with the great Julius Erving! The interview with Dr. J was a delight to watch. You could really feel Stephen’s admiration for The Doctor. Dr. J was charismatic as always and a lot of fun. If you enjoyed the interview, be sure to check out the web exclusive! I am a life-long Philadelphian and I have fond childhood memories of watching Dr. J rule the court when he played for the Philadelphia 76ers. So, what are your thoughts on this episode? We want to know!

Don’t hold back! Please share your comments with us in the section below!

Rob Ford’s Crack Scandal

• The bigger mayoral news comes to us out of Toronto and the drug scandal engulfing Chris Farley tribute mayor, Rob Ford.
• After months and months of his denials, on Thursday Toronto police confirm that Ford appears in a video that allegedly depicts the mayor smoking crack cocaine.
• Bottom line, folks, the scandal is over, media handled, nothing to see here and there never was.

Robert Ford: “So, I wasn’t lying. You didn’t ask the correct questions. No, I’m not an addict. And no, I do not do drugs. I made mistakes in the past and all I can do is apologize, but it is what it is and I can’t change the past.”

• Yes, Rob Ford can’t change the past. He can’t even remember the past.
• I must tell you ladies and gentleman, I am personally inspired by Mayor Ford’s courage to come clean about my own mistakes.

• Have I ever smoked crack? Yes, but that was in the past. There’s nothing I can do to change what happened. All I can do is apologize and move on.
• I am so, so sorry that I smoked crack and I promise you, it will not happen again. (Takes another hit off the crack pipe!)
• Of course, scandals like this are nothing new in the lawless narco tundra that is Canada. Or as many now call it “Upside-Down Mexico.”

Difference Makers – Tim Morrison and Meagan Brame

• Welcome to the town of Esquimalt.

Apparently, a town that no one can pronounce. Stephen wasn’t the only one who couldn’t pronounce it. Even the townspeople were undecided on its correct pronunciation! So, let’s just say somewhere in Canada…

• “Somewhere” was a typical picturesque town, until this shadowy figure moved in.

“My name’s Ryan. I’m the owner of The Bong Warehouse.”

• Ryan has an eight foot tall bong-shaped mascot named Bongie.

Ryan: “Bongie gets lots of laughs.”

• Especially from Canadians addicted to toking the doper weed, ignoring the fact that Bongie could spark a drug war.
• Caught in the cross hairs are the town’s helpless parents.

Concerned mother: “As a parent I am concerned about having a big, fuzzy, dancing mascot that is drug paraphernalia living a block away from my house.”

• Who will prevent the drug war? Who will protect the children? Who can stop Bongie?
• City Counselors, Tim Morrison and Meagan Brame, are taking a stand.
• These two are bringing the hammer down on Bongie, with swift legal action.

Meagan: “It’s gonna take months to get this law passed.”

• But, it’s gonna be a hard-hitting law. Right, Tim?

Tim: “So, I’ve proposed some legislation, a motion, to suggest that if you want to use mascots on our public municipal property, like our sidewalks, our parks, our streets; you basically need to have a permit.”

• A permit?! What the f***?! That is it?!

Tim: “Well, you know, in Canada, we try to be polite, courteous and considerate of everybody.”

• Polite?! Look at him (Bongie)! He’s a soiled plushy, sporting purple pike.
• You know what? I made a mistake. Meagan, Tim - you are no Difference Makers.

• And Bongie, looks like I owe you an apology. You’re the mascot that Canada deserves. Have you thought about running for Mayor of Toronto?

Gay Sex in the Insect World

• For years, scientists have told us that 75% of all male insects may be involved in same-sex sexual interactions. 75%? What is this? Boarding school?
• I don’t buy it, folks. And neither does science, because according to a new study, those billions of insects are having gay sex “accidentally.”
• And, folks, it’s happening because the bugs are in such a rush to reproduce they do not take enough time to inspect their potential mate’s gender.
• See? There’s nothing gay there. Just a normal manly desire to bang everything that moves.
• Once we’re going down that road, we never ask for directions. Am I right, ladies?
• So, folks, set your VCRs to record your TiVos, because tonight I am issuing a rare and historic apology to the gays.

• Now I know you weren’t born gay. Somewhere down the road you just had a same-sex “attracident.”
• So, homosexuals, I am sorry. And I am man enough to admit that gays are exactly like insects.

Interview - Julius Erving

Stephen: You not only played basketball. You changed the game of basketball.
Dr. J: Well, thank you for saying that.
Stephen: Well, thank you for doing that, because before you there was no slam-dunk.
Dr. J: Well, there was, actually.
Stephen: No, it makes a better book if there wasn’t.

Stephen: When you would, like, take off from the foul line and just sail like an angel through the air and come thundering down in vengeance upon your enemies by putting the ball right through the hoop, sweat spraying off you like a fog of testosterone that would suck the ladies out of the stands into the backseat of your limo … What was that feeling like?
Dr. J: It was epic.

Stephen: You’ve faced some greats in your time; Larry Bird, you played against Kareem. Would you like to face off with the greatest of all time right now?
Dr. J: Hey, I’m down like rebound.

Amazingly, Stephen Colbert defeated Dr. J!

Dr. J: Not bad for a country boy!