July 17, 2012 — Nas

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The Colbert Report Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: 8122 (July 17, 2012)
GUESTS: Nas
EXCLUSIVE: “Daughters”
SEGMENTS: Nevada’s “None of the Above” Is Fearsome Foe for GOP | The Word - On the Straight & Narrow-Minded | Who’s Honoring Me Now? - Philadelphia’s Rosenbach Museum and Library | Nas - “The Don”
SUIT REPORT: Black suit | White shirt | Red / navy tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I can’t believe that I Am a Pole (And So Can You!) is now seated in glory next an original manuscript of Ulysses by James Joyce. It is all the more poignant when you consider how big a fan Stephen is of Joyce -I can only imagine how Stephen must have felt to hear that the Rosenbach Museum & Library would be honoring him in this way. I Am a Pole is a very beautiful, simple, and thoughtfully put together book, and we love it here at CNH, so we feel it is certainly deserving to be at Rosenbach.

Do you really think that Pole was written in blue ink in one of those high school-like composition notebooks? I thought by now techie Stephen only composed by iPad. I hope some of you Philly and NY Hubsters trek down and check out the display, and tell us how it looks in person.

Nas truly is a great rapper and made a fantastic reappearance on TCR. Stephen made no bones about asking some pretty personal questions there, but I do think it is true that Stephen is great with interviewing musical guests, and Nas seemed delighted with the whole experience. There’s something really synergistic about Stephen and the musician interviews.

Well, what did you think of the episode, Hubsters? Be sure to talk it up in the comments!

Nevada’s “None of the Above” Is Fearsome Foe for GOP

Vote for None 2012!

  • The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don’t know what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonalds.
  • That’s right. Nevada Republicans are scared that None of the Above could take votes from Mitt Romney.
  • The whole message of [Romney’s] campaign is “I’m not Barack Obama.” And you can’t get more Not Barack Obama thanno one.
  • This guy right here has got the conservative credentials that Romney lacks. You want to talk small government, this guy believes in ‘none’ government.
  • None of the Above is so appealing to Republican voters, I believe Mitt Romney has to choose him as his running mate.
  • I mean look at who he is considering now: Portman, Pawlenty, Jindal. They wish they had the charisma of None of the Above.
  • Although I cannot say for sure that None of the Above would accept the VP slot. Despite repeated calls, he has not made himself available to the press, which kinda makes you wonder if there’s nothing he’s no hiding.

The Word - On the Straight & Narrow-Minded

  • And I don’t have to tell you what that means, unless you’re one of the young people, in that case I do have to tell you, but I am sure you won’t listen to it unless I do in a text, or a sext, or a sext-pinterest, or whatever.
  • [31% of millennials reportedly doubt the existence of God.] Probably that poll was taken after viewing their student loan statement.
  • This is infuriating. As a parent, I expect my children to vote an think exactly as I do. And for a while, they did. But then they turned 3, and stopped having tantrums and vomiting on themselves.
  • Folks, I’ve said it since day one, the minds of our young people are being poisoned by knowledge. And the source of this toxic, cerebral sludge is our schools. They fill our kid’s heads with dangerous concepts like evolution and P.E. [Man did not evolve from monkey bars!]
  • Folks, I’ve said it since day one, the minds of our young people are being poisoned by knowledge. And the source of this toxic, cerebral sludge is our schools. They fill our kid’s heads with dangerous concepts like evolution and P.E. [Man did not evolve from monkey bars!]
  • There is one bright spot in education: Texas, the Large Hadron Collider of denying science [All God, no particle.]

“You know who I blame? Galileo. What a jagoff. I mean, for centuries we had a perfectly orderly explanation for the order of the Universe….but then numb nuts over here gets a telescope for Christmas, uses critical thinking skills, then the earth goes around the sun, blah blah blah, now we have lesbians.”

  • And a good teacher’s job is maintain whatever fixed beliefs a student has when you enter first grade. [A magical sprite buys your teeth.]
  • I am embarrassed that we conservatives didn’t’ think of this sooner, I mean we are fighting a culture war here, and we have been thinking too small. [Bad case of the Shrinky-thinks.]
  • ….and those damn zippered pantaloons. Only a strumpet would need to disrobe with such haste. I say you wear a button fly, as God intended. By the time you get your pants off, you’re probably married. [501 blue balls.]

Now when they were drafting the platform, somebody had to say ‘no critical thinking skills,’ somebody else had to type those words, and then the Texas GOP had to approve those words. Do you really think that would have been possible if anyone had been thinking critically?

But thank God no one was. And, if they get their way, no one will.

Who’s Honoring Me Now? - Philadelphia’s Rosenbach Museum and Library

  • [I Am a Pole] has been a huge success, topping the Best Seller lists of the New York Times and Amazon, and fulfilling my life-long dream of ripping Good Night Moon a new one. In your face, quiet old lady whispering “hush.”
  • But of course the question remains, is my book a classic? ….Of course, any classic must stand the test of time. My book has been on sale ten weeks, time’s up. And the literary community has responded with a resounding, “sure.”
  • Because my book is being displayed at Philadelphia’s world-famous, little-known Rosenbach Museum & Library. (Aside: I’ll take what I can get.)

The delicate placement of the Budlight next to “Ulysses”

The “original manuscript” of “I Am a Pole”? A little suspicious, as there is a joke written right at the top above the book’s text: “I Am a ‘Buck Mulligan'” was rejected, apparently.

The finished, glorious display.

Interview & Performance

Nas: “The music is just about life, about being happy to wake up every morning.”

Nas peforms “The Don”

  • Mr. Arkadin

    I loved learning that Galileo is responsible for lesbians. I had somehow missed that at school. Good to know.

    I greatly enjoyed the rapport between Stephen and Nas. For some reason seeing how musicians react and interact with Stephen/”Stephen” please me to no end.

    But my favorite moment was seeing that Nas’ band has a token white guy in it. How awesome was that?! And to see him doing that honky bounce, where you buckle your knees and then straighten up, while praying to a God you’re not even sure exists, that you are doing it in time with the beat of the music… *Sadly shakes head* Man, I’ve been there.
    But I would never do it on TV!!! Amazing.

  • Caroline

    I love Nas (which is short for Nasir - his real first name, by the way). I always prefer seeing rappers play live with an actual band. It gives the performance much more energy, I think. The interview almost seemed to be getting too personal at the end (with the Kellis questions), but maybe Nas likes Stephen enough to laugh it off.

    “while praying to a God you’re not even sure exists, that you are doing it in time with the beat of the music… ” I love that, Mr. A! Jimmy Fallon once talked about getting pulled on stage with Questlove at the end of a Prince concert. As Jimmy was doing an awkward “white guy dance”, Prince somehow disappeared off stage and Questlove hiding behind the drums. Jimmy said he felt like an idiot.

  • Agent Nutmeg

    Here’s the explanation of the “I Am a Buck Mulligan” reference in the composition book:

    “Colbert has written, ‘I am a penguin,’ and ‘penguin’ is crossed out, and then ‘I am a stately, plump Buck Mulligan,’ and that’s crossed out, and then ‘I am a pole,”’ explained Patrick Rodgers, a Rosenbach curator. “That’s a reference to the very first lines of ‘Ulysses.”’ (Joyce’s full line reads: “Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.”)

    From: The Huffington Post

    • CN Helper

      Thank you for the clarification! You are making me feel more enlightened. I am not horribly familiar with James Joyce (yet), the prose is a bit complicated, shall we say, for my taste, but I’d like to tackle it as some point.

  • karenatasha

    Between the smashing (as usual) WORD and the great interview with Nas, this episode definitely made me very happy.

    And yes: the Stephen Colbert picture book next to the James Joyce novel. It’s something I can’t wait to see.

    CN Helper: I read Joyce back in college with the help of a brilliant professor to guide me. A class could be helpful. But attending Symphony Space’s annual Bloomsday has deepened my existing appreciation of “Ulysses.” I realized that it should be heard, too, and that the rhythms of the language are so beautiful spoken. The humor becomes more accessible, as well.

  • Katt

    For those interested in the story behind Napoleon’s penis you can read all about it on the Rosenbach’s blog.

  • lockhart43

    Stephen had to have been absolutely thrilled to find out that IAAP(ASCY) would be right next to Ulysses at the Rosenbach! The happenings on this show are nothing if not surreal at times.