EPISODE NUMBER: 8030 (December 6, 2011)
GUESTS: The Black Keys
EXCLUSIVE: “Gold on the Ceiling”
SEGMENTS: American Drone in Iran | Donald’s Trumptacular & Stephen’s South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate | The Black Keys - “Lonely Boy” | Sign Off - Glenn Eichler’s Graphic Novel
SUIT REPORT: Black Suit | White Shirt | Blue patterned tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Everyone say the phrase “charlapreneurial entreprenarlatans” three time fast. Were you able to do it? Ok, good. For an episode featuring a musical guest, there was a lot of meat on the bone in the first two acts. Particularly Stephen’s epic rant on Donald Trump. I wonder if after all these years of observing Trump’s endless meandering through every media and marketing form conceivable, Stephen and team TCR finally found it behoovy to “honor” the Donald with a lengthy segment beautifully skewering his mannerisms and penchant for shameless self-promotion?

In any event, I will be tuning in in January for “Stephen Colbert’s South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate” on Animal Planet. If they were to include dog-training tips and animal trivia throughout the debate, that would be educational, classy, and definitely get some more pairs of eyes to watch.

What did y’all think of The Black Keys? It was sweet how low-key and modest they were, despite Stephen’s valiant? attempts to get them to ‘fess up about the prevalence of groupies. Their new album sounds great, I will definitely check it out, with a glass of wine and some gluten-free crackers.

And also check out the web exclusive, The Black Keys performing “Gold On The Ceiling” on the colbertnation.com!

I love how Stephen never fails to remind anyone within ear shot about his Grammy win. I remember how surprised and excited we were with that win, although it was well deserved. Clearly, Stephen relishes it too.

And finally, CNH contributor and Lady of the Better Guest Knowing karenatasha totally got a shout out last night when Stephen was plugging Glenn Eichler’s new book and reiterated her comment about the Colbert writer’s recent book releasing frenzy.

What did you guys think of the episode? Be sure to comment!

Quotables

You did not have to chant my name. But if you didn’t, I would have to start the show over, something I am sure none of us want to go through.

From American Drone in Iran

Despite my best efforts to ignore them, things are happening in other parts of the world.

For instance, there’s America’s ever escalating tensions with Iran, which could lead to yet another war in the Middle East, and there’s bad news, too.

Not the Best of Kandahar! It’s far more sophisticated than the previous beast of Kandahar, a goat.

Folks, this is dangerous. Our cool remote control plane went over the fence and crashed in Iran’s backyard, and you know Old Man Ahmadinekidsyoustayoffmylawnijad never going to give it back. That thing’s expensive I knew we shouldn’t have been playing with it in that vacant lot (shows Afghanistan).

From Donald’s Trumptacular:

I am sick and tired of media elites criticizing the GOP Presidential field, saying that they made mlliions as “unregistered lobbyists,” or “they kill coyotes when driving,” or “they said The Lion King will turn your kids gay.”

Journalist elder statesman with a four year old’s haircut, George Will had the balls to rip the whole field.

And don’t get him started on the charlapreneurial entreprenarlatans.

BOOM! Serious enough for you now? Does Jim Lehrer have his own brand of bottled water? Does Jim Lehrer poop in a golden toilet? No!

So candidates be prepared to be drilled on things of “that like,” items of “that such,” topics of “this stuff,” and “fluency in you know that ‘one thing.’”

Trump will endorse the winner, second place, wins Gary Busey.

He had candidates lining up to kiss his gold ring, which isn’t easy, because it’s the same color as his skin.

[Romney] declined Trump’s invitation, which means there is a good chance tomorrow, he will accept Trump’s invitation.

Trump Rant:

I get why the candidates are hesitant. The guy’s a clown, but with more makeup. Now I can say that because Donald is a friend. Tremendous guy, he’s great. We have the world’s number one rated friendship. Having said that, he’s a joke, a big cuckoo lunatic, I wouldn’t trust him with a burnt match. This guy’s not a kingmaker, he’s small potatoes, fingerlings, tremendous, best side dish ever. Alright, do the math, I personally broadcast 161 shows a year, he does 20. A middle school production of The Music Man does more than that. He’s a child, he’s a child wearing man pants. Look at this jutz, looks like a gin-soaked raisin fell into a nuclear reactor. Nuclear power, by the way, the future, I am heavily invested.

You want to play kingmaker, Donald, ok that’s my turf. I close deals, ask my guests. The Black Keys wanted gluten-free crackers, I made it happen, boom, nobody else does that. I started a SuperPAC, unprecedented money, unprecedented influence, I can call the Pope, he answers, we talk soccer. You see this watch, 100% platinum, you see this watch, 100% gold. I wear them underwater, fish love them, they’re shiny. Every night I eat egg rolls for dinner, nobody stops me. Every bathroom in my house has 2 sinks and three toilets, I use all of them. The point is, forget Donald Trump, he is history, rolled in forget him, smothered in a yesterday sauce.

Tomorrow is about me, the most famous man in the history of South Carolina. The GOP wants a serious debate, they deserve it. Bar none, they are best party in the world, that includes space. That is why as of this moment, I am officially announcing my own Republican debate, Stephen Colbert’s South Carolina Serious, Classy, Republican Debate.

You hear that Donald? People are excited. Check both of my watches, write down the time when they got excited. I am doing this, it is set, it’s going to be on Animal Planet in January, and we’ll figure out the date later, we’ll get back to you on that, I told them I would get back to them on that.

Every serious candidate is invited, they know who they are. They’ve got my number, it’s the most exclusive phone number in the phone system, it’s got three 7′s and four diamonds. Gentlemen, lady, call me. You know Cain can come too, the blacks love me.

(Note: I will finish the rest of this monologue later, I am (and it is) still not done!!)

Interview

Why El Camino? Why not “The Camino”?

Dan Auerbach: We were on tour, and we saw an El Camino, and we were like “huh, huh, we don’t we name our next album “El Camino”?

Are your songs that deep?

So you made the decision [to name the album], and made it sound meaningful later?

Is there any pressure knowing that the starship (referring to their recent fame) could crash?

Dan Auerbach: Yeah absolutely.

How do you deal with that?

Dan Auerbach: We just try to ignore it.

I will not let you.

A lot of my audience watches the show with mute on, are the songs more like (intense head banging) or are they more like (polite jazz bopping.)

And is the tempo more like (slowly head bangs), or is it more like (quickly head bangs.)

God, that sounds like a great album!

From the Sign Off - Glenn Eichler’s Graphic Novel

[Mush! Sled Dogs with Issues] is about the jostling for power among a group of talking, Alaskan sled dogs. It’s a fantastic book, and in fact, it’s got me thinking about hitching my writers up to a sled, because they have enough time to be writing books on the side, clearly I am not working them hard enough.