EPISODE NUMBER: 10070 (February 27, 2014)
GUESTS: Jeff Goldblum
SEGMENTS: Intro - 2/27/14 | Defeat for Arizona’s Anti-Gay Legislation | Black History Month - Stereotypes & Racial Identity | Laser Klan | Jeff Goldblum | Sign Off - Wedding Cake
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Striped Shirt | Yellow/Blue Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, February 27, 2014
Stephen starts to celebrate Black History Month all February long!
Intro - 2/27/14
“Tonight, what does the man on the street think about race in America? I don’t know, I crossed it to avoid him. Then, a surprise move from a hate group. Get ready for the Aryan Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants and my guest Jeff Goldblum stars in the new Wes Anderson film ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel. The interview will have a soundtrack of Mendelssohn played on a toy xylophone.”
“The Oscars are on Sunday! DAMN! I had Tuesday in the office pool. This is The Colbert Report.”
Defeat for Arizona’s Anti-Gay Legislation
Stephen started off the show frosting a cake.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer vetoed the anti-gay bill, which made all the conservative pundits lose their heads, including Stephen. Stephen feels that just because there has never been one instance of violation of religious liberty, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, you just have to have faith that it does.
- Look at this miraculous image on my grilled cheese sandwich. There it is, see it? Look at that gay orgy right there.
- Usually I only see Jesus in my grilled cheese sandwich, but…oh boy he’s in there too. I gotta get him out of there hold on…
Black History Month - Stereotypes & Racial Identity
Stephen is going to work hard for the rest of February to honor Black History Month. He starts his month long, day long celebration with a story about racism.
- Now something can be done to lift the painful burden of racism, once and for all. It comes from a story I heard on NPR. Now, I know, but I was driving a rental and the knob was torn off.
A survey was conducted over the course of 19 years, of children, to see how their lives changed. They found that over the course of the survey the people conducting the interviews started to perceive changes in the race of the respondents.
- Yes, your race can change over time, much like how in the winter, John Boehner fades from pumpkin to butternut.
In the story, NPR came to the conclusion that “it’s not just our perceptions of race that drive our stereotypes, but our stereotypes that drive our perceptions of race.”
- Yes, our perceptions of race are driven by our racial stereotypes which is why they’re always getting pulled over.
The study also found that funeral directors were more likely to list you as black if you died of homicide, as native american if you died of alcoholic cirhossis and “they list you as white if you choked on kale chips while listening to Jason Mraz.”
- Mexicans, you can seem a lot less Mexican if you complain about all the Mexicans coming here to steal our jobs.
- Native Americans if you turn those Casinos into Tech Support call centers, suddenly you’re an actual Indian.
Laser Klan
Is it weird to say that I love Laser Klan? It’s been awhile, I think, since Stephen has had a whole segment cartoon. Tek Jansen, right? Also, if I am not mistaken that was Amy Sedaris voicing the female Laser Klan member. (The one with the huge boobs) I couldn’t make out who was voicing the other guy, the one who was not Stephen and I couldn’t figure out who was voicing Obama. Anyone have any guesses?
The Klan death ray is back in the news and Stephen thinks it could be used for good. Enter Laser Klan, but apparently Viacom was a little worried about showing a cartoon where President Obama enlists the KKK to stop aliens. Stephen showed it anyway, because he’s Stephen.
- Yes, they’re a vile despicable hate group but I can’t help but feel a little inspired, by the way these Klansmen overcame their hatred of Jews, to serve a greater cause; their hatred of Muslims.
- I believe I must air this during Black History Month, if I don’t I’d be treating black people differently and that is something I only do subconsciously.
and now…….
The White House assesses the threat of the alien warships and Obama realizes that the U.S. doesn’t have weapons strong enough to fight them.
Against his better judgment, he enlists the help of Laser Klan.
Meanwhile at the Laser Klan HQ…
…they are listening to “Accidental Racist” while working on the death ray, when the Paula Deen phone rings. It’s none other than the President.
Obama: This is President Obama, I’m looking for the laser people.
Laser Klan Lady: You mean Laser Klan.
Obama: Uuuh, yes.
Laser Klan Lady: Caleb, Cody, Whitey! It’s go time!
They go to meet with Obama and after hearing the aliens are not white they decide to act.
Laser Klan Lady: Laser Klan…Confederate! (Spoken as verb, i.e. “con-fed-er-8″)
They mask up, warm up the death rays and even the laser dog gets into the act.
The Laser Klan destroys the aliens and their ship with their death ray guns.
Obama: The american people must never find out about this.
Laser Klan Guy: Because they’ll panic when they find out about the aliens?
Obama: …Sure. That’s why.
Interview - Jeff Goldblum
Jeff Goldblum returned for an actual sit down interview with Stephen. It’s been awhile since he was on the show. He made back to back appearances in the summer of 2009 talking about the fly Obama murdered and then Zycam. Then he appeared to give his own Eulogy after the media reported he was dead. He looks great by the way. He also helped Stephen read for Battleship and he also appeared as a rabbi.
Stephen: Do you fit in out in Hollywood, are you a liberal?
Jeff: …If I had to put my cards on the table, I would say I’m on the side of the more progressive thinkers. I know, I’m sorry.
Stephen: That’s okay I’m gonna do you a favor, Jimmy let’s cut that part out.
Jeff is in “The Grand Budapest Hotel”, a Wes Anderson film. Much like how Jeff doesn’t know about Cake Boss, I don’t know a thing about Wes Anderson. At first I thought I did, but I was thinking of Wes Craven. Not the same guy at all.
Jeff: It’s about the telling of a story, by a wonderful storyteller, remembering a great soul, who is the embodiment of love, and you leave the theatre filled with a kind of unusual ecstasy and enlightenment, so called, and isn’t that true?
Stephen: I didn’t follow a lot of that. I thought it was funny.
Jeff describes his experience as kinda like almost living in a dorm, because they were spending the shoot in a hotel and Wes provided meals from a chef after shooting and he said it was the most fun he’s ever had.
Stephen: Do they need someone to carry scripts around ’cause that sounds like a lot of fun.
Jeff: It’s the most fun you can possibly have….besides this!
Sign Off - Wedding Cake
Stephen furiously works to finish his wedding cake:
Firstly. If loving “Laser Klan” is wrong, I don’t want to be right! I particularly loved how the cartoon Obama’s countenance matched real life Obama. That weary, resigned expression that says, “Really? I’m doing this now?” Great stuff!
I thought the “Stereotypes & Racial Identity” was “The Word” worthy. So you can say we’ve been lucky with two “The Word” this week. And since I brought this up earlier in the week, I will (ever so humbly) take credit for this development. You’re welcome nation. I’m here for you.
Now the Goldblum interview. Was anyone else bewildered by his actions while answering the questions? Ostentatiously running his hand through his hair and rubbing his forehead. Dramatically taking his glasses off and dropping them on the table. What was going on?! I know Goldblum wasn’t being mean or stuck up and he seemed genuinely thrilled to be there. But I halfway expected Stephen to start mimicking Jeff’s tics back to him. In a gentle WTF kind of way. The interview was entertaining nonetheless. And it ended up being a nice (all be it odd) ending to a great show.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
I’ve seen Jeff Goldblum in a lot of interviews (like on Conan) and in his guest appearances on ‘Portlandia’ and he seems to always do those gestures (taking his glasses off, etc.) I guess it’s part of that Goldblum quirk! You’re right - It was a nice ending to the show!
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I noticed the hair but I didn’t really notice the other tics. I suspect Jeff doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. I’m that way. It’s been pointed out to me that I fidget with my hands all the time and purse my lips, but even though I’ve been made aware of it, I don’t stop doing it because I don’t realize I’m doing it.
Tip of the Hat!
+1
‘Laser Klan’ was awesome. (I never dreamed that I would type that sentence!) I suspected that the voice of the lady Klans member was Amy Sedaris and according Split Sider, it was. The other voices were Wyatt Cenac and of course, Stephen. The whole Black History Month coverage was brilliant, in a way that only The Report could pull off.
I loved the Jeff Goldblum interview. I cannot wait to see ‘Grand Budapest Hotel.’ I am a giant fan of Wes Anderson movies, in all of their quirky glory.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
Yes, after I watched it a couple times, I recognized Wyatt’s voice but I still don’t know the other Klan guy. His voice sounded very familiar. I’ll have to check out splitsider. I also suspect the cartoon was from JJ Sedelmaier.
Tip of the Hat!
+1
It was so great to hear Amy’s voice in Laser Klan! Stephen can always count on Amy to voice the most ridiculous characters, an overly-busty racist. I liked Obama in it too: “well, that happened.”
Tip of the Hat!
+1