EPISODE NUMBER: 10001 (September 30, 2013)
GUEST: Vince Gilligan
SEGMENTS: Rockin’ Government Shutdown Eve | “Breaking Gov” | Tip/Wag - Butterball, Ashley Merryman & Science | Vince Gilligan Pt. 1 | Vince Gilligan Pt. 2 | Sign Off - More “Breaking Bad”
SUIT REPORT: Light Grey Suit | White Shirt | Grey Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, September 30, 2013
Rockin’ Government Shutdown Eve
- This could be the greatest night of my life because thanks to the government being unable to agree on a resolution to fund itself, the government will shut down at midnight. Jimmy, put up the countdown clock!
- CNN is counting down, though that maybe be the number of their remaining viewers.
- I only wish that Ronnie Regan was he to see this looming shut down, because who can forget what he said.
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are - I’m from the Government and I’m here to help.” - Ronald Regan.
- Well good news Ronnie, because come midnight tonight, those nine words will be “I’m from the government and will work for food.”
“Breaking Gov”
- Tonight, the U.S. government ends. Oh, it has been a hell of a ride, folks. What a dramatic arc! It started out as a highly sympathetic character in the 1770s. But in just 237 seasons, it has transformed into an egotistical self-destructive maniac. I am dying to know what goes down tonight. I mean, what’s gonna happen to Mr White, Mr White, Mr White, Mr Off White and Pinkman … Well Orangeman.
- The Government hasn’t even shut down yet, but the reviews are in. Michele Bachman raves, “We’re very excited. It’s exactly what we wanted and we got it.” And California Rep. Devin Nunes says, Conservative Republicans are, “All giddy about it.”
- Of course, they’re giddy about it, they will still get paid in the event of a shutdown.
Tip/Wag - Butterball, Ashley Merryman & Science
- Now Nation. I think of myself as an objective observer. Because I object to everything I observe. This is “Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger”. *chair deflates* The wheels are coming off!
- It’s about damn time that men were on the ‘Turkey Talk Line’, besides the ones at the NSA.
- Butterball knows that when a guy calls anyone he wants another man on the line. Just like phone sex, men know what men like.
How to Cook a Turkey Like a Man:
- Buy turkey
- Lay on couch ’til Sharon prods you with ladle and says its time to carve bird
- Serve and eat
- Return to couch
- This country was built on awards. What do you think gave Washington the courage to defeat the British? It was his Fourth Grade ‘Most Improved Karate Participation’ trophy.
- Listen up ‘The New York Times’, I know what’s going on here. You publish some Liberal screed about awards being terrible and losing is the best, right after I win these *pulls out Emmy Awards* Clearly, somebody is jealous. Because while I’ve been showered in gold, the only golden shower the ‘New York Times’ gets is Cockatiel urine.
- Everyone knows that I am close to the Jesus. He carries me on that beach so often that he got a Baby Bjorn.
“86% of Holy Water contains fecal matter.”
- It would explain why they’re always burning incense.
Interview - Vince Gilligan
Stephen: Congratulations on your Emmy.
Vince: And congratulations on your Emmy, my friend.
Stephen: I wasn’t fishing, but it took you almost ninety seconds to say that.
Stephen: What do you think is the most evil thing he [Walter White] did? When he broke bad, what’s the worst he broke in your opinion?
Vince: I think the nastiest thing he ever did, ah spoiler alert if you haven’t seen it.
Stephen: Hold on one second. If you don’t want to be spoiled mute your television, go to YouTube and watch this video of a goat having a bath for the first time. When we finish spoiling I will hold the ‘UnMute’ sign up.
Stephen: [Walter White] gets cancer at the beginning.
Vince: Yeah.
Stephen: Does he become a cancer?
Vince: I think he actually does. I think that’s an excellent point.
Stephen: Was that deep of me? Was I deep just now?
Vince: I’d fly ten thousand miles for you, Stephen.
Stephen: My favourite guest of all time.
Sign Off - More “Breaking Bad”
Stephen: How’s it going?
Vince: Stephen, please let me go.
Stephen: I WANT MORE BREAKING BAD.
Vince: Stephen, it’s over. I just can’t write anymore.
Stephen: It’s over, when I say it’s over.
Vince: There’s no story left to tell.
Stephen: WHAT ABOUT BADGER? SKINNY PETE? WHAT HUELL? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? WHAT ABOUT WALT JR., WHAT’S HE GOING TO DO WITH ALL THAT MONEY? WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN TO SKYLAR? WHAT HAPPENED TO JESSIE DID HE GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT? HE WAS DRIVING PRETTY FAST! WHAT ABOUT WALTER? MAYBE HE’S NOT DEAD MAYBE HE WAS FAKING IT. MAYBE HE’S GOT A TWIN BROTHER WE’RE JUST FINDING OUT ABOUT NOW. MAYBE HE WAS JUST DREAMING THE WHOLE TIME AND HE’S STILL BACK IN NEW HAMPSHIRE OR HE’S STILL SITTING IN THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE LOOKING AT THAT MUSTARD STAIN. THERE’S GOTTA BE AN ANSWER. USE YOUR IMAGINATION.
Vince: Stephen, please -
It’s over when I say it’s over. KEEP TYPING, BITCH!
Great show! Loved Tip/Wag and his take on the ridiculousness of the current government situation. And of course, I loved the interview. You can tell that Stephen truly appreciates Vince Gilligan and bits of the real him peaked through during the interview. And the ending…keep typing!
AND…what do I spy…THE RETURN OF THE BAND-AIDS!!!! Two on his left hand!! Do I need to update my previous post and continue my ongoing investigation? Only time will tell…
Tip of the Hat!
+5
The band aid thing is kind of crazy, I agree StephenSmile. Liked how his chair decided to decompress right in the middle of the show, those kinds of things you really catch when you watch the show at night on TV, which is what I have started doing again (many years of early morning web-viewing for your truly.)
It was great to have a post-game interview with Vince Gilligan. Cooler than the ending of Breaking Bad was when Vince told Stephen he would fly 10,000 miles for him. V. sweet.
Also: I am seriously considering not using holy water anymore. I’ve always been kind of suspicious of it, but Stephen’s reporT really cinches it for me. I shun the holy wine for the same germ-related reasons
Tip of the Hat!
+2
Also, forgot to mention the brilliant ending to the show. *spoiler alert* Stephen’s words to Vince Gilligan forever emblazoned in my brain: “Keep typing, b*tch!!” Poor Vince. He looked so unhappy locked up in the basement ;p
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I am cracking up so hard over that last screen shot, Katt! My sides hurt!
Tip of the Hat!
+2
The American government continues to make less and less sense to me. I don’t even know what to make of its latest offering, or rather non-offering.
The Australian government has only ever shut down once, in 1975. The Governor General dismissed the Prime Minister and the rest of Parliament, the PM’s replacement immediately passed the bill that started the initial issue, and elections were held to restart everything from scratch. Somehow, I don’t think this is how things will go down in the US, sadly.
It would be a perfect reason for John Oliver to return to our sunny shores and do another special segment. Though, I imagine that they can find plenty of politicians who think our laws are irrelevant because we’re off on ‘Planet X’.
On to brighter things. I loved the respect and admiration between Vince and Stephen … well, that is until Stephen locked Vince in the basement. One day when The Report is over, I would love to see Stephen cast in one of Vince’s future projects.
Tip of the Hat!
+5
No! The Report will never end. I will lock Stephen in a basement if he even thinks about it.
As for the American government, for some reason they love to argue just to argue. It’s like they are putting on a drama show. I mean its like wah wah if you don’t give me what I want I will just shut this down! It’s like a dramatic TV show. Perhaps why House of Cards is so amusing…
Tip of the Hat!
+2
Also this quote from the NY Times about the government shutdown is great:
“We’re not going to be disrespected … We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.” — Rep. Marlin Stutzman, a conservative Republican from Indiana, explains to the why the House GOP won’t just send a “clean” spending bill to the Senate.
Tip of the Hat!
+1