September 24, 2013 — Metallica

The Colbert Report episode guide EPISODE NUMBER: 9153 (September 24, 2013)
GUEST: Metallica
SPECIAL GUESTS: Jon Stewart | Father James Martin
SEGMENTS: Stephen’s Emmy Awards | On Notice – Pope Francis | On Notice – Pope Francis – Jim Martin | Metallica – “For Whom the Bell Tolls” | Sign Off – Emmy Exhibition
SUIT REPORT: Grey Pinstripe Suit | Light Blue shirt | Yellow Striped Tie
EXCLUSIVE: Metallica – “Master of Puppets”
VIDEOS: Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Stephen’s Emmys, AKA Best Segment Ever!

The triumphant return from The Emmy Awards on Sunday did not disappoint in any way.

Stephen Colbert Emmy gif

© lastvhs

Jon: Yeah, you beat us, but we’re friends and colleagues and … you’re the emergency contact on my gym membership.
Stephen: Jon, why can’t you just be upset, okay. I mean, it is really important to that I have crushed you.
Jon: If my being upset about breaking the 10 year streak would make you happy, I would do it.
Stephen: You would?
Jon: I would. But I can’t ’cause … I’m an Executive Producer on your show, so I won again motherf***er!! 11 in a Row!!
Stephen: Dam you Jon Stewart. Dam your eyes. damn your teeth. Damn you!!

Jon Stewart 11 Emmys in a Row gif

We interrupt this recap of Stephen’s awesome Emmy celebration to bring you this. This is the best thing ever from a Catholic Priest, Father Martin introducing Metallica:

Father James Martin and MetallicaMore on that later.

Stephen “thanks” all the wonderful and talented people on his staff:

The Colbert Report staff photo

Jon Stewart talks Emmys on The Colbert Report“I beat you Jon!”

Ah, the bromance reveals itself:

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert huggingHow can anyone not feel a little choked up at that?

On Notice – Pope Francis

Yes, after Jon showed up and left, they still had a whole show to get to and it was packed with greatness.

Stephen was, of course, upset over the interview that Pope Francis gave in the magazine, ‘America’.

Stephen Colbert salutes the Pope“I’ve had it up to here…

Stephen Colbert puts Pope Francis on notice…no, here with the new Pope.”

The Pope thinks that the church shouldn’t be focusing on abortion, gays and contraception as much and start focusing more on the poor and you know, loving thy neighbor and such. That does not sit well with “Stephen” and many other conservative Catholics.
He puts the Pope on Notice. “That has to sting more than the (me: covers mouth and mumbles something) of 1054”
Little help anyone? Didn’t get that one.

On Notice – Pope Francis – Jim Martin

Father Jim returns to discuss the interview with Stephen, but somebody dropped something right before he was introduced which was a little distracting to Stephen.

On Notice Board

Stephen Colbert On Notice Character Break

Father Jim:[To get the interview done] It was a team effort, just like this show.
Stephen: What?

“He’s driven in a Ford Focus and he drives a Renault…The guys on CarTalk say that a guy who drives a 1984 Renault is someone who really believes in the power of prayer.”-Father Jim.

Stephen mentioned that he was in Rome recently and that the Vatican square was packed to the gills. Father Jim mentioned that people are returning to the church and it’s basically because of Pope Francis and his messages of love and tolerance.

Interview – Metallica

Stephen: You got a new movie coming out called “Through the Never”. Now…what does that mean?
(Lars shrugs, no responses)
Stephen: What is that? Why not like, ‘Next to the Always” or “Under the Sometimes”?

Metallica Colbert Report interivew

Stephen: The music comes at you so fast and so hard, I feel like I should be wearing a cup when I listen to your music. You put your balls right in”
James: All three of ’em.

OH, um, TMI…yeah. TMI.

Metallica – “For Whom the Bell Tolls”

Robert sports a really great hat:

 Robert Trujillo on The Colbert Report