EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 28 (Thursday, October 15, 2015)
GUESTS: Oprah Winfrey | Joseph Fink | Jeffrey Cranor | Judith Hill
SEGMENTS: Monologue | Self-Driving Cars Are Coming Right For Us | Oprah Winfrey | Stephen’s Pre-Show Rituals | Judit Hill - “Cry, Cry, Cry” | Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor
SUIT REPORT: Blue suit | White Shirt | Blue tie
It was interesting that Oprah started off her appearance by commenting on the pressure Stephen must have felt when CBS decided to go nuclear with their marketing blitz ahead of the premiere and paper Manhattan and their airwaves with Stephen, Stephen everywhere. I mentioned in my test-taping ReporT even as a long time fan being shocked to see his face so (properly) being hurled in every conceivable direction. Although I consider myself a media layperson, not entirely literate in all things media or marketing, I am but a humble Stephen-admirer and felt a certain knot in my throat looking at all of this and anticipating the show to come. As Oprah said, thankfully Stephen embraced it all, and is making it look easy. I don’t how he feels, but the results so far have been splendid, and as Stephen would say, sublime.
I know some folks didn’t like Stephen’s monologue because the James Bond fandom is equal parts feverish and fearsome. (Respect.) I would say basically that I think Stephen and team need to think carefully about how they start the show. It is so absolutely wonderful that Stephen comes out and does a monologue, and his comedic sensibility completely suits that. He is all about terse, intense jokes that feel more like they are shot of a canon than anything long-form. The Old Show was all about that. Plus, I just like the fact that he “greets” his audience (and, frankly, fanbase) and tells some funny jokes before crossing to the desk and just being there for the rest of the show. Single topic jokes are ok, but what if you don’t like the topic? Doesn’t Stephen think about a million things all the time anwyay? A traditional monologue is not beyond him. He can do it. I think about when Letterman was on, monologue was half the show. Now, I would rend my garments if Stephen did a monologue instead of his scripted pieces, but some leeway is allowed. In other words, I am all about a traditional, multi-topic monologue and his other stuff and then the desk-jockeying for the guests.
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- I will be talking to Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor, the creators of the hit podcast “Welcome to Nightvale.” The podcast takes place in a mysterious place where monsters are real and every crazy story is true, so, Florida.
- Jeb Bush’s campaign raised 13 million in the third quarter. Meanwhile, Lincoln Chaffe’s campaign has raised its third quarter.
- I love my Tesla, it’s really fast, it’s all electric. It’s like a golf cart had sex with a Pegasus.
- [Tesla] is always [automatically] updating all the features, last year they made it possible to name your Tesla. I named mine Vingilot, and if you understand that reference I’m sorry you had such a tough time in middle school. […]There are so many [updates and] sudden changes overnight with your car, it’s like your car is going through puberty, which is probably why sometimes it locks itself in the garage and blasts music from itself.
- Tesla owners woke up to find that their cars could drive themselves. Finally, a high-tech alternative to jamming a brick on the gas pedal and jumping in the backseat. I’ve had to do that for too long.
“A Tesla can now change lanes on its own, although I had a Pinto that used to do that too. That was my first car.”
- I can understand why some people wouldn’t want a car that drives itself. Some people wouldn’t want to lose what they call the “joy of the road.” The uniquely American experience where you got one arm out the window, ya know, the other hand on your slurpee, your knee on the wheel, and your eyes scanning the horizon for cheap fireworks.
- As a man who drives into Manhattan every day, let me tell you, there is no joy of the road! My commute is more like Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. Many times while I was stuck in the Lincoln Tunnel I considered going cannibal. That’s why I never carpool. (looks away) Not anymore.
- If you really miss driving, you can play Mario Kart [behind the wheel.]
- [Legally, you have to keep one hand on the wheel.] Which is fine, because you only need to have on hand to enjoy all the porn you’ll be watching.
- Not only will the cars never get distracted, preventing fatal accidents, but my Tesla isn’t going to suddenly yank the wheel and drive into a Wendy’s at midnight to order a Biggie fries.
- Besides, this technology is self-driving towards whether we like it or not. [I’m going to ask Oprah if she’s working one one too] Because if so, you get a self-driving car! You get a self-driving car! You get a self-driving car!
Oprah hit the set and boldly proclaimed to Stephen, “I am excited to celebrate you.” “Celebrate me?!” exclaimed Stephen. She then went to explain that she also experienced a smaller scale version of the marketing blitz that Stephen had when she was a young reporter starting out in Baltimore. (Hers was entitled “What is an Oprah?”) She also assured Stephen he did a great job embracing his new role. “You stepped into it, congratulations,” said she.
The conversation then drifts to Oprah’s new series Belief, premiering on her aptly-titled OWN network. The series highlights regular individual’s religious (or not-so-religious) belief systems and faith structures, drawing from the major religions.
Stephen: Do you have a favorite passage from the Bible?
Oprah: Yes I do! Do you?
Stephen: Mine’s from Matthew, I like it because he says, “So I say to you, do not worry, for who among you by worrying can change a hair on your head, or add a cubit to the span of his life?” What I like about it is that it’s a commandment to not worry. I will go with that, I can’t live it, I can’t do it, but it’s not like “try not to worry, ” it’s “do not worry.” So, if you worry, you’re being disobedient.
Oprah: If you worry, you sinnin’. […] Mine is Psalms 37:4. “Delight thyself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.” What that says to me…what is “Lord”? That is Compassion, Forgiveness, Kindness. So you delight yourself in those virtues, where the character, the Lord is revealed. “Delight thyself in the Lord, and you will receive the desires of your heart.”
Stephen: I go to church and am somewhat religious and when I try to explain to some people who aren’t, that I have a belief, I say I was given this by my ancestors. And I look at my children and I go, “I love them, I wouldn’t want to not to give them anything that would help them,” so I assume that I was given this by my ancestors because they gave it to me to try to help me, and I open it like a box, and I wonder what’s inside, but I don’t think I’ve gotten to the bottom at any point-
Oprah: I don’t think we ever do.
Stephen: - and I keep taking the gift out-
Oprah:: Yes, I don’t think we ever do.
Stephen: -but it’s not the only gift you can get, I accept that.
Oprah: Boy, you’re deep.
Stephen walked us through some of his conventional, unconventional, and straight-up OCD pre-show rituals. One involved flicking a switch on and off, revealing producer Matt Lappin being shocked in an electric chair. Lappin really is the unsung hero of the Late Show, often the subject of the most-unflattering treatment. Much love to Matt Lappin! We also got a wonderful cameo from Jon Stewart, who has been missed (but is looking rested and happy, and still in those T-shirts.) The best part was when Stephen was worshipping Quetzalcoatl and screamed out, “I’m tripping balls!” If you don’t laugh at that, something is wrong with you.
This was the piece that Liz Levin was imploring Stephen to finish. Some of the habits are actually rooted in real life, as Stephen revealed in David Plotz’s Working series.
Owner of magnificent hair Judith Hill came on to showcase her bluesy, funky piece, “Cry, Cry, Cry.” As a fellow musician I can imagine Jon Batiste and Stay Human are loving the opportunity to collaborate with all these artists more than anything. Jon played keyboards to create a lovely organ accompaniment. Stay Human was also on deck with some great electric blues guitar, and horn as well.
Stephen, a podcast aficionado of sorts, shared that he is a fan of “Welcome to Night Vale.” The two hosts described how their fascination with conspiracy theories led to the series. They then listened to Cecil Baldwin lead a spooky announcement about ominous “Community Events.”