EPISODE NUMBER: 10067 (February 24, 2014)
GUESTS: Darlene Love | Gideon Rose
SEGMENTS: Intro - 2/24/14 | Blade in the USA - Dutch Coach’s Anti-America Rant | Crisis in the Ukraine | Crisis in the Ukraine - Gideon Rose | Darlene Love | Darlene Love - “He’s a Rebel” | Sign Off - Remembering Harold Ramis
EXCLUSIVE: Darlene Love - “Da Doo Ron Ron”
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, February 24, 2014
Tonight’s episode was all kinds of fantastic. Stephen gave a hilarious rebuttal to the Dutch speedskating coach’s anti-American tirade. As the crisis in Ukraine unfolds, Stephen discusses the uprising with the editor of ‘Foreign Affairs’ magazine, Gideon Rose. Stephen gave a beautiful tribute to the late Harold Ramis. It is very touching to see what an impact Mr. Ramis had on Stephen and on so many people who will always cherish his comedic brilliance.
Darlene Love’s appearance is a true gift to the Colbert Nation. Ms. Love is a musical legend with a powerful voice and vivacious personality. She has worked with many icons of the music industry. Her conversation with Stephen was fascinating; especially what she had to say about Sam Cooke. I only wish the interview was longer, because one can imagine the stories that she has. Her performances on tonight’s show were a lot of fun and pure joy to the ears and eyes. (Make sure to check out the web exclusive!)
Intro - 2/24/14
“The Winter Olympics in Sochi have ended, although with NBC’s tape delay, they’re just beginning. Then, is it Ukraine or The Ukraine? I’ll get to The “The Bottom” of it. And my guest, legendary singer, Darlene Love, stars in a documentary called ’20 Feet From Stardom.’ Tonight, she’ll be 16 feet closer. Major League Baseball is eliminating home plate collisions. Apparently, they violate baseball’s long-standing ban on action.”
Blade in the USA - Dutch Coach’s Anti-America Rant
- Unfortunately, for my friends on the US Speedskating Team, 2014 has been a rocky road. Or as they call it, an un-zamboni-ed rink.
- They medaled in only one event and the team is covering their asses by blaming the thing that covered their asses.
- Evidentially, the team’s new suit featured vents on the back of the suit which allowed heat to escape, but allowed air to enter and create drag.
“Everybody knows clothing always creates drag, which is why, to get better mileage, I always drive in the nude.”
- Folks, it’s not enough that we lost. Now, The Netherlands coach, Jillert - I’m gonna go with “Enema” - has attacked our Speedskating Team, adding insult to injury and then adding a**hole to both of those.
Jillert Anama: “Yeah, the suit was one of the reasons, but not because it was bad, but because they believed it was bad … You have to believe in yourself, like Americans always do. Americans always believe that they’re right. Always believe that they are the best. Yeah? But that’s not true … Yeah, you can stay inside, in your own country … Every four years, you come to Olympic stadium and you want to fight the rest of the world. Then you know your place and you got zero medals. Zero, man! Stay in your country. Do your own sport. Don’t compete with the rest of the world, but don’t ask the question why you didn’t win medals. Because you didn’t.”
“Actually, in fact, we did have one medal. I’ve got it right here.”
- I don’t speak a lot of Dutch, but I learned a little for the occasion. “F*** you.” I certainly hope I’m pronouncing that correctly.
- I will be Amsterdam’d if I ever let anything remotely Dutch into my life again.
No! No more!
- I’ve always said that revenge is best served cold on razor sharp blades.
- You can help our speedskaters fight back against Dutch arrogance by making a donation at Colbert Nation. In return you will get this “Blade In The USA” t-shirt.
Crisis in the Ukraine
- Nation, unless you are living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about the massive uprising in Ukraine. And if you are living under a rock, you’re probably ousted Ukrainian President, Viktor Yanukovych.
- The fru-fra all started after Yanukovych rejected a deal with the EU, in favor of closer ties to Russia.
- Now, folks, no one knows where Yanukovych is. But protesters raided his presidential compound to find a private golf course, a fleet of classic cars and a private restaurant shaped like a pirate ship.
- This kind of presidential opulence infuriates me. I mean it makes the White House look like a dump.
“I wish our State Dinners took place in a pirate ship. Then I wouldn’t have been the only one who showed up with a parrot.”
Greg Gutfeld: “Obama is more like a publicist for ‘US Weekly’ than a president. When you put a community organizer up against ex-KGB, this is what happens.”
- Yes, I think I speak for all freedom-loving people when I say, why can’t we be ruled by an ex-KGB officer?
“Obama is like a publicist for ‘US Weekly.’ Even worse, 73% of readers say “Putin Wore It Better.”
Crisis in the Ukraine - Gideon Rose
Stephen: So, the rebels in the streets; what are they fighting for?
Gideon: They’re fighting for a better future.
Stephen: That sounds like a political speech.
Gideon: But it’s actually true. Countries have to develop over time and Ukraine, basically - after the end of the Soviet Union - faced two tracks. It could stay as a stagnant, corrupt, authoritarian country tied to Russia or it could essentially join the West. It could modernize, it could liberalize; become a democracy.
Gideon: When it (Ukraine) looked like it was going to trade up to a better environment; at the last minute, Putin offered a bribe.
Stephen: How much?
Gideon: $15 billion.
Stephen: That’s a lot of cash, man.
Gideon: And the president who, himself, was tied to the old elites and the eastern part of the country, with ties to Russia, decided to back off the change and go join Russia.
Stephen: Do you know how many pirate-themed restaurants you can buy with $15 billion dollars?
Interview - Darlene Love
Stephen: Who was your favorite person to sing back-up for?
Darlene: Sam Cooke.
Stephen: The great Sam Cooke.
Darlene: He was so sweet. He was so nice. He just oozed sex.
Stephen: He was a physically attractive man.
Darlene: Yes. He was fabulous. But he was such a great singer. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew how to come over and - excuse my pun - but pull stuff out of you.
Stephen: Alright. I don’t understand the pun, but it sounds sexy.
Stephen: Phil Spector produced a song of yours, He’s A Rebel. It was like, your first hit. And this is the prototypical “girl falling for a bad boy because he’s kind of bad.” What did you do to American culture, Darlene Love? What did you do to a generation of girls who were looking for bad boys?
Darlene: Well, you know what? It does help if they’re kind of bad. It makes it interesting. You never get bored.
Stephen: Did you have any bad boys?
Darlene: (Laughs) One or two.
Sign Off - Remembering Harold Ramis
- America lost a funny man today with the passing of Harold Ramis.
“Now, I’m not a comedian, but if I was, as a young bookish man with glasses looking for a role model, I might have picked Harold Ramis. Thank you, Harold.”
Either that Dutch coach was just amped up after having a triumphant Olympics, or just an arrogant jerk, but his comments were really unsportsmanlike. Be a coach, not a political analyst. As Katt was telling me, the Dutch spend more money on speed skating than anything else, and I am proud of our guys for getting silver in the team skate with the limited resources they have. I hope the team continues to improve; Buddy Cole showed us we have some great athletes there! I was more disappointed with hockey, as the Blackhawks are revered here in Chicago, and I thought having such strong players on the team would help us do a little better. Ah well, next time.
I don’t think the Ukraine thing is so much that they have a “bad boyfriend” in Mother Russia, than that they are a corrupt, failed state that is need of $35 billon dollars and possibly about default on their sizable debt. I think whoever is going to pony up the cash is going to have the influence in Ukraine, and the U.S. is already talking up aid, so there’s your sign. They have to extricate themselves from corruption internally, and only then can a better future become possible. The loss of life recently was heartbreaking to see, but maybe necessary to bring about reform.
Darlene Love looks great! I haven’t heard the song yet.
Re: Harold Ramis, I saw him when I was at the Second City 50 yr. reunion in 2009. He did a scene where he played a college kid trying to enroll in classes with a guidance counselor the reunion was a revue of old, well, SC revues), and he could care less if he wasn’t a college kid anymore. He seemed like a deeply funny person. I didn’t know he was ailing, he looked good then. My generation grew up on his movies (Ghostbusters!) so it was sorry news to hear. RIP.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
Hey, CN Helper. I am so glad that you got to see Harold Ramis at Second City. I was actually wondering if you saw him (I was going to ask you!), b/c I know that you’ve had some adventures to SC. Thank you so much for sharing! Harold Ramis will be deeply missed.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
The reunion event was an interesting thing to observe. There were all these luminaries there, some newly famous, some longtime stars who didn’t care if they were noticed anymore, some (like our dear Stephen, I have to say) who still kept away from the milling about of amazed spectators. After Ramis did his scene, he just kind of hung out, and I managed past him at the end of the show. I wanted to thank him for Stripes, my Dad is a Vietnam Vet and that was one movie that he really loved, despite his reticence to speak about the atrocities of the war. But it wasn’t appropriate in such a venue. I told him “good job,” on his scene, and he just kind of looked at me. I think he had a such a sardonic sense of humor he couldn’t deal with the sincerity of piddling little kids/fans like me. But, he was there, and he clearly was enjoying being there, and seeing as some of the really big celeb alums didn’t show, it says a lot of how much he supported Second City that he was there and enjoying it so much.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
The rest of the world might think it, but you certainly don’t expect them to mention it, and certainly not somewhere as broadcast as the Olympic Games.
It’s worrisome to hear the United States involving themselves in the Ukraine affair, when they really need to be focusing on their own people who are suffering. You’re people need health care and employment Pres. Obama!!
Tip of the Hat!
+3
The Dutch coach certainly didn’t hold back on his feelings toward America. Despite the rest of the world’s feelings, I would have thought he would have waited until he returned home to The Netherlands before he let fly with his comments.
As glad as I am that The Report has been covering the events in the Ukraine, I have thus far been quite disappointed at the segments devoted to discussing the current situation. I expected better from the show.
I’ve never heard Darlene Love before, but I thoroughly enjoyed her performance. Though, the web exclusive really could have done without the eisteddfod dancers in the background. They were distracting and their unison was way off at points.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
I’m glad to know someone else has been disappointed in TCR Ukraine coverage. To be honest, I’ve been underwhelmed by TCR’s lack of non-Buddy Cole related satire lately. Don’t get me wrong, the show is still funny. (Which is it’s main goal after all.) But can’t we get at least ONE “Word” a week? Please?!
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I don’t know, I guess I’m in the minority here, but I can definitely do without “The Word”. It’s brilliant, yes, I am not arguing that, but I like the silly stuff, like that time he ditched the story in the middle to talk about the Bachelor or the jelly donut/martian.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
Gideon Rose’s quote from this episode referring to Ukraine picking the Russia over the USA “At the last minute when it looked like it was going too trade up from its sort of, ah, ah abusive boy friend from the hood to a nice yuppie.” Wtf kind of narrow mind analogy is that?!
Tip of the Hat!
+5
I loved the Elvis line Colbert threw at Darlene Love at the end of the interview. And so did Ms. Love! Which made it all the better. I do wish Stephen had made it clearer how many hit songs Love HAD sung lead on. Other then that, a wonderful interview.
I also greatly appreciated Stephen perfect tribute to Harold Ramis. Sadly, I think it took Mr. Ramis’ passing for people at large to grasps just how much he’s meant to American comedy for the last 35-40 years.
Also. I thought the Dutch coach was awesome! Was it over the top? Yes. But the Dutch speed skating team won something like 21 out of 22 gold medals! And yet the American press only want to talk about the U.S. team’s un-aerodynamic behinds!
So I’m with Belgium’s Canada!
Tip of the Hat!
+3
Did anyone else notice that they randomly blur out Stephen giving the finger? Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.
I loved the Harold Ramis tribute. It was just a few weeks ago that someone was asking me what my favorite movie is, and the first movie that came to mind was Ghostbusters. I’ve seen it about 30 times. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it is definitely my favorite.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I’ve also noticed the random bluring. I wonder why are they so inconsistent with that.
As for Harold Ramis tribute, Stephen’s was great, but I also liked tributes made by Daily Show and @midnight.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
We think Standards and Practices are paying as much attention as we are. Maybe we need to make this a drinking game. When to blur, and when not to blur! That is the question.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I’ve wondered about the ‘When to blur, and when not to blur,’ too, as CN so nicely put it. They do the same thing on The Daily Show. And they also pick and choose when they bleep Jon saying the word s***, which is weird. Sometimes they bleep it, other times they don’t. The first time Jon did a segment about Bulls**** Mountain-in summer 2012 I think during the conventions-they didn’t bleep him at all, at least not for that word. And it was absolutely wonderful. But I’d imagine they had to get permission on that one for them not to bleep it.
Ultimately, it seems like ‘When to blur, and when not to blur’ is like everything else censor-and-swearing related: it makes absolutely no sense to me and there is no rhyme or reason to it.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I know I’ve said this before but it makes me p.o.’d when they censor on TDS and TCR because not only are they on basic cable which doesn’t have to follow the FCC’s standards for so-called decency, but they are on late at night.
Tip of the Hat!
0
When I watched this episode and heard what the Dutch speedskating coach said about the U.S., my thought was, “Hey! Screw you! I mean…you’re right and you bring up some good points about us, but still, screw you!” Like most Americans, I do really well at balancing a sense of both pride and shame in my country.
Also, if cable news could stop making what’s happening in the Ukraine (and also, everything else that happens anywhere, ever) about the US and the 2016 elections, that’d be just great. I know it won’t happen, but a girl can dream.
Tip of the Hat!
+5