EPISODE NUMBER: 10034 (December 10, 2013)
GUEST: Alex Blumberg
SEGMENTS: Intro - 12/10/13 | Walmart’s Job Acceptance Rate | The Word - Channel Serfing | Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Early Christmas in Venezuela | Sign Off - Farewell to Frank Lesser
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | Light Blue Shirt | Yellow Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Around the office Frank was known for his intelligence, sensitivity, and his completely unproducible scripts.
Tonight, The Report bid farewell to writer and monster enthusiast, Frank Lesser. Here at the Hub, we will always be fond of Frank, who was willing, and possibly crazy enough to do an interview with our site on his first novel, “Sad Monsters”. On behalf of the Hub, I’d like to wish Frank good luck at his new job!!
Walmart’s Job Acceptance Rate
“Last month Walmart opened two stores in Washington D.C. There were 600 job openings and 23,000 job applicants. If you look at that as a rate, that means less than 3% of them would get hired. Harvard has a higher acceptance rate.”
- Yes, Walmart is now harder to get into than Harvard. Though, Brown students want you to know they didn’t want to go to either of them anyway.
- Youth Nation, it may be too late for you to get into the Walmart of your choice … So when you have kids of your own, you gotta groom that child for Walmart from day one. That means sending them to the right preschool. Look for one with an emphasis on block stacking. It is a skill they will need for making towers of discount milk. So good luck, Nation. But remember, odds are you won’t get in. So be sure to apply to a safety like Rent-A-Center or Yale.
The Word - Channel Serfing
- A typical American household made about $51,017. Which, when adjusted for inflation, is what it made back in 1989.
- So income hasn’t changed since the 80’s. Neither have a lot of things!
- I mean, just look at Rob Lowe!
YOU’RE OLDER THAN I AM. WHY AREN’T YOU MELTHING? YOU’RE LIKE A FLOWER PRESERVED IN AMBER.
“Barack Obama: The combined trends of increased inaquality and decreasing mobility, pose a fundemental threat to the American dream, out way of life, and what we stand for around the globe. […] That has jeopardised middle class America’s basic bargain, that if you work hard, you have a chance to get ahead. I believe that this is the defining challenge of our time.”
- Not true Sir, I believe the defining challenge of our time is self heating nachos.
- Jamaica, poor, really? I spent a week a week at the Sandels All Inclusive Montego Bay. No one was poor, I checked every cabana.
- You’re welcome middle class. I’ve always known watching me is a form of currency. (More tangible than bitcoin.)
I mean, who needs food stamps? Belly up to the all you can Stephen Buffet.
- Americans are doing better than ever. That’s the message of a new Bloomberg News column by Virginia Postrel, called “Who Needs A Raise When You Have TV?” Ms. Postrel starts off by describing what middle class Americans consider a common experience.
“On a flight across the country, you watch the playoff game … then relax with some video poker. Arriving home … you stream a first-season episode of ‘Duck Dynasty’ … then run last week’s ‘Elementary’ from your DVR queue.”
- Postrel naturally concludes from this, that:
“Little of this customized entertainment would have been possible a decade ago - and almost none of it shows up in the income and productivity statistics …”
- Yeah, why doesn’t watching more TV count as increased productivity?
- And folks, all this entertainment isn’t just the playground of the rich. As she says:
“New entertainment options are particularly important to poorer people with ample leisure time.”
- I know whenever I see a homeless man on the sidewalk I think, “Look at that lucky fella with all that ample leisure time!”
Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Early Christmas in Venezuela
- Venezuelan president, and Jimmy Kimmel security guard, Nicholas Maduro. And not just because I thought Venezuela was that horn they blow at a soccer game to announce the start of the riots.
- Frankly, I’m frank-incensed by Maduro’s so-called explanation for starting Christmas early.
- And brace yourself, Christmas is until December 25th. Thanks ObamaCare.
- Yes, let nothing remain in stock. Everything must go, ’cause crazy Nick will not be undersold unless he is overthrown.
Interview - Alex Blumberg
Stephen: Why is there a squirrel drinking booze on a t-shirt?
Alex: It’s harder than we thought to come up with a design for a t-shirt.
Stephen: Really?
Alex: … yeah …
Alex: And there’s something to what you say …
Stephen: Generally.
Planet Money Squirrel t-shirts are available for purchase at the NPR Shop. Shirts will not be available for purchase after December 31st.
Share your thoughts on tonight’s episode in the comment, and let us know your favourite Frank Lesser moment from his time at ‘The Colbert Report’.
