EPISODE NUMBER: 10032 (December 5, 2013)
GUEST: Allan Mulally | Ricardo Baca
STAFF CAMEO: Meredith Scardino
SEGMENTS: Intro - 12/5/13 | The In-Box - Flight vs. Invisibility | Legal Weed in Colorado | Legal Weed in Colorado - Ricardo Baca | The GOP’s Lady Troubles | Sign Off
SUIT REPORT: Black Suit | White Pin Stripped Shirt | Red Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, December 5, 2013
Share your thoughts on last nights pot and Mustang filled episode while I get to work on the guide!!
Intro - 12/5/13
- What happens when a state legalizes marijuana? For the first five hours, very little.
- Republicans reach out to women, and women get a restraining order.
The In-Box - Flight vs. Invisibility
“Two invisible thumbs up.”
“Dear Stephen,
Which power is better: flight or invisibility? I’m asking for a friend.
Sincerely,
Stephen Colbert,
(but not you).”
- Nice try Stephen, I recognise my own handwriting.
- Let’s settle this once and for all. Obviously both flight and invisibility have pros and cons. Flights problematic because I’m scared of heights, but so is invisibility because I am scarred of people not noticing me.
- Of course, you gotta remember, only your body turns invisible, not anything outside of it. That’s why the Invisible Man had to get naked to disappear. So, if you don’t want to be a cluster of floating car keys, coins and a cell phone, they gotta all go up the butt. It’s nature’s pocket.
Legal Weed in Colorado
- I’m no fan of gay marriage, but it isn’t the only moral sinkhole swallowing America. There’s also the growing acceptance of marijuana legalization, which also leads to gay marriage because when you’ve got the munchies bad enough, you’ll put anything in your mouth.
- You know who’s really high? Gallup pollsters, because that adds up to only 97%.
- That’s right, January 1st or as they call it in Colorado, four-twenty.
- Yes, you can buy weed all day long; it’ll be like the parking lot at a Phish concert; and, best of all, Phish isn’t playing.
Legal Weed in Colorado - Ricardo Baca
- ‘The Denver Post’ just announced that it will hire a pot editor. It will be easy to identify the column, because it will just be a hand written note asking for an extension.
Location: Denver, Bongistan, Stankslyvania, Spleef Meadows, Are Any of us Really Anywhere?
Stephen: So you’re not high now, but do you smoke pot at all?
Ricardo: No, I do eat it though.
Stephen: *Gasp* Ohhh, okay.
Stephen: What will your responsibilities as the pot editor for The Denver Post be?
Ricardo: I’m hiring a pot critic from Colorado Stephen, if you know anybody.
Stephen: Yeah I know a few people, but I need them in my editing rooms.
Stephen: What confuses me most is if everybody in the state can have a quarter ounce of pot in their pocket. How will you indiscriminately arrest young black men? On what grounds will you imprison them?
The GOP’s Lady Troubles
“63% of women have an unfavourable view of the Republican Party.”
- I don’t get it! Over 90% of Congressional Republicans are dudes. Ladies,it’s a sausage fest! It’s rainin’ men! Hallelujah, it’s rainin’ men!
- Well folks, there is some good news out there. To appeal to the women in 2014, Republicans are trying something new. Anything.
“John Boehner’s top aides held a seminar to discuss how lawmakers should talk to female constituents.”
- And it only makes sense that one of our two major political parties would need lessons on how to talk to the majority of the human race.
- And this Republican seminar had some great advice on connecting with the ladies.
“The GOP is teaching its male candidates not to use phrases like Todd Akin did: “legitimate rape”.
- But the GOP should have come to me, because I am an expert on women. I watched a pilates class once, I even tried that Jamie Lee Curtis poop yoghurt. It’s not bad, it’s not bad. I mean you can barely taste the poop.
- So GOP reps, take a seat gentlemen, and let me give you the low down on how to speak respectfully to the bitches.
I have come up with a mnemonic device to remember what the ladies care about:
- You know what, just try appealing to the gays. I don’t think they have any women.
Interview - Alan Mulally
Stephen: Why do you think some cars become icons, and some cars do not?
Alan: In this case, the Mustang just changed the world in 1965, because it was the first real sports, that had a high utility, it had two seats in the back, and it had a trunk.
Stephen: Of course it had two seats in the back, it was a Mustang. The reason it became an icon was because it got you laid. I hope you haven’t taken that out of the design.
Alan: No, it’s still very much there.
Does anyone find the “Inbox” segment totally random? I imagine it’s a time filler of some sort. It would be nice if it incorporated an actual viewer email/letter that Stephen could riff on, like he used to.
Oh my God the pot interview! That’s got to be one of the funniest satellite interviews on TCR ever. And Meredith totally got a nice cameo in with her “neck flare.” Truly terrifying. Bet you guys didn’t know we could do that.
Lots of audience interaction and ad-libbing, which was fun to watch. The interview with Mulally was wacky, and not at all what I expected. Stephen seems to have genuine affection for the Mustang, which was kind of surprising. I wouldn’t pin him as a Mustang guy.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I thought the funniest part of the interview with the pot editor was those ever-chaning titles beneath him. Whoever came up with that must be geniuses, and apparently high since he can’t decide on one pot-state name.
Yeah, that Inbox segment was kinda out there, but at least it solves my problems of what superpower I want. I like invisibility, but knowing now that only my body will turn invisible and not my clothes, I’ll stick with flying. Also, I applaud Colbert for nailing down the Republicans who are struggling with the women’s vote. Seriously, Colbert can get all the ladies more than you; he’s not even planning to run for the next midterm.
And let me take this time to applaud Jonny-bun for telling Fox Anchor Varney who’s the real Boss. In this case, Pope Francis is right about siding with people who are less fortunate and probably more financially enlightened. Seriously, who in the right mind can tell the Pope his philosophies are fallible? I think Varney and/or anybody better think twice before making their argument.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
That segment (on TDS) with Varney and co. was actually making me depressed. But all hail Jonny-bun for spinning it into perfect perspective and turning my frown upside down! I like how you call him Jonny-bun, by the way!
Tip of the Hat!
+1
Thanks Clem, although I might change it back to just plain Jon. It makes me still depressed I have to count down to Olly-Scone’s departure, and with him gone, I got no reason to call Stewart Jonny-bun anymore. Aside from the ‘h’ in the name, it was hard for me to differentiate between the Jo(h)ns at the very beginning. That’s why I’ve been nicknaming the two for a while. Unless he hires another correspondent named Jo(h)n (and no, Hodgeman doesn’t count)
, I think I’ll stick to just plain Jon next year. Plus, I feel a little juvenile just calling them those nicknames after a while. I think I let my “fangirl” instincts loose, but not too far.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
Flight winning the battle on ‘The In-Box’ is just further evidence that Stephen is, indeed, Superman! (Shhh!)
It is disgusting that the GOP has to teach it’s male candidates not to use the phrase “legitimate rape”, mainly because there is no such thing as LEGITIMATE rape. It is patronizing to women that the Republicans actually had to hold a convention on how to talk to female constituents. Is this 1955 or 2013? “63% of women have an unfavourable view of the Republican Party.” I’m surprised that the number isn’t higher. The GOP need to get off of their “morally” superior high horse and join us here down on Earth. Ok, end of rant. I just get fired up over this s***, incase you couldn’t tell! Stephen’s mnemonic device on “panties” was too funny!
I was rolling with laughter over the interview with pot editor, Ricardo Baca. Stephen was having a blast with him and Mr. Baca was a great sport. My favorite location was “Are Any Of Us Really Anywhere?”
Tip of the Hat!
+2
The pot editor interview was awesome. I’d learned about that a day ago. I was particularly delighted because I’m visiting my sister over the holidays, and will be there when legality comes…
That might not be a good thing, though. New Year’s Eve drinking followed by New Year’s Day toking sounds dangerous to me.
That said it’s worth pointing out that state laws don’t trump national law on this. The DEA can, if it wishes, continue to arrest people for pot. I think they’re going to leave it alone, but there’s still uncertainty.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
I completely agree @CNHelper, the inbox segment was so random, but damn well funny. ‘Natures pocket’ *snickers*.
It boggles my mind that people who release polls don’t check to make sure the finally result actually adds up to 100%. Do they not own calculators?
Ricardo Baca was such a delightful and fun guest, I really hope he becomes the shows regular pot correspondent … if they ever need one.
Loved Meredith Scardino’s cameo as a frill necked lizard, but seriously wtf is wrong with the GOP!?!
I never would have picked Stephen as a fan of American muscle, nor would have I imagined that Alan Mulally would be so quirky.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
Just strikes me that they left out the no opinions. Usually that’s counted, but perhaps not here as it was just a small percentage?
Tip of the Hat!
+1
The interview with Baca was fun to watch. I’d dearly love to read a taping report of that episode, if only to find out was was edited out of the interview - character break, perhaps?
Tip of the Hat!
+1
I was at the taping, and there’s no way to know if anything was edited out of the Baca interview because it was pre-taped earlier in the day. Stephen sat there and watched it with the rest of us. There were a couple of character breaks in other spots that got edited out. The reference to Flintstones chewable vitamins tripped him up. I can’t remember what did him in the other time.
It was my first trip to the Report in three years. I’d forgotten how much fun tapings are. Even waiting on line was fun this time, although my back still hurts from all the standing around. (Don’t get old, kids, it’s no picnic.)
Tip of the Hat!
+5