EPISODE NUMBER: 10030 (December 2, 2013)
GUEST: Ed Stone
STAFF CAMEO: Matt Lapin | Jay Katsir
SEGMENTS: Intro - 12/3/13 | Rumors of The Pope’s Secret Life | Thought for Food - Ban on Trans Fats & McDonald’s McRib Mystery | The Double Robotics Office Robot | Sign Off - Honoring Ed Stone
SUIT REPORT: Dark Grey Suit | White Shirt | Dark Grey Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, December 3, 2013

While I work on tonight’s guide, why not share your thoughts on the episode in the comment section!!

Rumors of The Pope’s Secret Life

“The Pop dresses in regular priest clothes, goes into Rome, ministers to the homeless. The Pope won’t confirm it himself …”

• OH MY GOD. He’s a vigilante vicar coming to the help of those in need? He’s the … BATPOPE!

• HOLY HOLY FATHER NATION! It all makes so much sense now! He’s just like Bruce Wayne! He’s a wealthy bachelor who lives alone in a giant mansion. And Bruce Wayne has the Batmobile, while Francis has the Popemobile.

• Not only that, Batman talks to Morgan Freeman. And Pope talks to God … who is also Morgan Freeman.

• And just like the Batsuit, the Popesuit has nipples.

Thought for Food - Ban on Trans Fats & McDonald’s McRib Mystery

“Tucker Carlson:Let me be the only person in America who stands up for Trans Fats, by asking the obvious question, which is: If they’re so bad for you, why are they in foods? And I suspect the answer is probably because they are delicious.”

• Now that might sound like an idiotic thing to say, but let me be the only person standing up for Tucker Carlson. If he’s so stupid, why is he on Fox News?

“Trans fats are proven to increase the risk of heart disease [...] the number one killer of adults in the U.S.”

• Of adults in America, so obviously they are safe for children.

• Of course the Footstapo think we wont notice when they gone, because they have no particular taste. No particular taste? That’s America’s favourite flavour.

• Yes, those who eat Trans Fats are making an informed choice. Just ask the average Joe who’s filling his cart with frozen cinnamon buns. He’ll tell you he had a hankering for the process of adding a Hydrogen atom to Fatty Acid thus reducing the number of double bonds to create a malleable mixture fats that stay solid at room temperature and cannot metabolised, causing it to accrete in the tissues.

• There’s nothing wrong with the McRib just because it appears to be made out of the sickly E.T.

• It’s contents have always been cloaked in mystery. The McDonald’s site lists 70 ingredients, none of which are rib. Though it does include, azodicardonamide, a flour-bleaching agent used in yoga mats.

• So eating a McRib technically counts as exercise.

The Double Robotics Office Robot

• If you watch this show, you know I like to stay on the cutting edge of technology. Every time they announce a new tech device I am the first one to receive an alert on my beeper.

• [Beeper] Oh I’m sorry, that’s it telling me right now to check the ol’ fax machine. [Distorted fax and dial up noises] What’s that!? I get 1000 free AOL minutes!? I can finally finish downloading that picture of Teri Hatcher.

• That’s right, a mobile robot that gives telecommuters a life like presence at the office. As long as that office does not include stairs.

• Even office affairs are easier with The Double. Now you can stay at home while still getting it on with your assistant Vanessa in the broom closet. Or Skype in Janet from accounts and make it a three-way. Just be sure to use surge protection.

• The only problem I see with ‘The Double’, is that if everyone starts telecommuting to the office, there will be no one left to pick up all the over turned robots.

Stephen: Jay I have something very important to tell you.
Jay: *looks at Stephen* Yes?
Stephen: Talk to the stick!
Jay: Okay *turns to robot Stephen*
Robot Stephen: You’re fired!
Jay: But who will bring your coffee?
Robot Stephen: Give it to the stick.
Jay: *places coffee in sticks cup holder*
Robot Stephen: Thank you. Now adios you parasite!

Interview - Ed Stone

Stephen: What I really like is that we were the first ones, the first country on Earth to do these things.
Ed: That’s right, yes.
Stephen: So we kinda licked every planet. It’s like licking the donuts on a tray, we own them now. The solar system is kinda America’s now.

Stephen: So it will keep flying till …
Ed: 2025.
Stephen: After that it will be our flyin junk heap …
Ed: No, it will be our silent ambassador.
Stephen: What is a silent ambassador?
Ed: It carries a message from Earth saying this is the place that sent this object.

Sign Off - Honoring Ed Stone

Voyager Project Scientist Honored by NASA - Via Stephen Colbert

As if NASA’s Voyager mission didn’t have enough firsts in its 36-year journey, what with sending the first spacecraft to Uranus, Neptune and, most recently, interstellar space! Now, it has another first back here on Earth: on last night’s episode of the Colbert Report (12/3/13), host Stephen Colbert floated across the stage in a spacesuit worthy of a1950s-era sci-fi movie and presented Voyager Project Scientist Ed Stone with a NASA Distinguished Public Service Medal. The prestigious award honors Stone for his work as project scientist of the venerable Voyager spacecraft since 1972.

“I was on the Colbert Report to talk about what I think of as humankind’s greatest — and certainly most extensive — journey of exploration, and I certainly didn’t expect the host to hand me an award,” said Stone, a professor of physics at the California Institute of Technology and former director of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, Calif. “That surprise on my face was real.”

The NASA Distinguished Public Service Medal is the highest honor for a non-government individual. The citation, put forth by NASA’s associate administrator for the Science Mission Directorate, John Grunsfeld, commended Stone “for a lifetime of extraordinary scientific achievement and outstanding leadership of space science missions, and for his exemplary sharing of the exciting results with the public.”

Source: JPL.NASA.gov