EPISODE NUMBER: 10028 (November 21, 2013)
GUEST: J.J. Abrams
SEGMENTS: Intro - 11/21/13 | Nuclear Option in the Senate | Mary Fallin and Same-Sex Benefits | “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? It’s Me, Stephen Colbert.” | Sign Off - “S”
EXCLUSIVES: Grey Suit | White Shirt | Navy Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, November 21, 2013

On tonight’s show Stephen kicked off his interview with director and author J.J. Abrams by saying, ‘It’s been a long time. The squirrel is in the basket’. During the interview, it was hard not to notice the camera briefly zoom out while a picture of a ‘squirrel’ and later another of a ‘basket’ flashed up on the screen behind the interview area.

This is not the first time Stephen has said ‘the squirrel is in the basket’. Previously, it was mentioned during the intro to the March 15, 2010 episode, in which Stephen asks Robert Baer if the squirrel is in the basket.

But what do they mean? Are they ‘Easter Egg’s', something else, or nothing at all? Could Stephen just have been ‘Baer Baiting’ as the intro graphic suggested, or are these two events somehow strangely connected?

If you attended last night’s taping, can you help shed some light on what surely will be puzzling us until the show returns on December 2nd.

Intro - 11/21/13

• Advice for a happy Thanksgiving. Don’t be a turkey.

• Then I sit down with J.J. Abrams who’s directing the new ‘Star Wars’ movie. Let’s hope J.J. doesn’t stand for ‘Jar Jar’.

• The X-Men have introduced a new character who is gay and has the power to make people like him. Wait a second! Neil Patrick Harris is a mutant?!

Nuclear Option in the Senate

• Folks, it is all over. I am packing up, I am getting out of this country, and moving back to South Carolina. And here is why:

“Senate Democrats vote to approve the so called ‘Nuclear Option’”

• They used the ‘Nuclear Option’. That will give Congress radiation burns.

• We can’t trust the Democrats with us all this power, they can’t do anything right. At Harry Reid’s press conference announcing the end of the filibuster, they miss-spelled filibuster with two “L’s” [Fillibusters]. That says ‘Filli-busters’ which I assume are cops who arrest female horses.

• I don’t even believe the Democrats are really against the filibuster, because their poster clearly says they’re ‘againts’ them.

• Not since the Buddha, have so many fat balled men worked so hard, to do so little.

Mary Fallin and Same-Sex Benefits

• The District of Columbia and sixteen states have legalised man on matrimony, including just last week, Hawaii. That’s right, it’s aloha traditional values, and aloha, gay marriage.

• Just last night, the government of Illinois signed same-sex marriage legislation into law.

• You know who’s happy about that? Da Bears.

• It’d be fun. You can play, iSpy an arbitrary denial of my rights.

• And what about schools? I’ve heard that some of these new fangled gays also have kids that go to school. They’re learning the same math as my kids, all so that they can go home and count the number of mummies they have.

• Secretary of Defense, and man who was crying just before you walked in, Chuck Hagel.

• Thankfully, one brave state, Oklahoma, is fighting to remain … Oklahetera. It’s Constitution already bans same-sex marriage, otherwise Oklahoma would be a gay mecca.

• I mean, think of all the things it has to offer The Gays. The Musical … that’s it.

“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? It’s Me, Stephen Colbert.”

• Sometimes it’s hard to get through the holiday without the thing you’re most thankful for, me.

• This year, you can have Stephen Colbert as a guest at your Thanksgiving dinner. All you have to do is set a place at your table, put a laptop at it, and fire up this exciting new DVD, “Stephen Colbert’s Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner? It’s Me, Stephen Colbert.’

• Look I’ll cut to the chase everybody, I need to borrow $15,000. It’s not gambling money this time okay, it’s for an investment. Okay here it is, it’s an invention. It looks like a pen, but it actually holds two AAA batteries. It’s the perfect thing for the next time you need batteries … or a pen. Actually scratch that, the pen doesn’t work. It just looks like a pen.

• If anybody needs me, I’ll be in the car [grabs wine bottle]. Oh and here’s a bird I cooked for you [flips the bird]. Hey, hey, you like that? Who wants seconds? [flips the other bird] You like that? Is that tasty?

Interview - J.J. Abrams

• It’s been a long time. The squirrel is in the basket.

J.J.: Doug Dorst is an amazing author.
Stephen: Is he an actually author? …
J.J.: He is, he is.
Stephen: … because, I have to say his name is a fairly obvious anigram …
J.J.: For?
Stephen: ‘good turds’.

Stephen: You’ve done the ‘Star Trek’ movies, now ‘Star Wars’. Which group of fans seems the most frightening when they approach you?
J.J.: *laughs*
Stephen: Which group of them makes you feel like you’re in a room without any doors? That’s slowly filling with someone else’s needs.
J.J.: I’m grateful to all of them.