November 7, 2013 — Daniel Lieberman

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The Colbert Report episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 10020 (November 7, 2013)
GUEST: Daniel Lieberman
STAFF CAMEO: Max Werner
SEGMENTS: Employment Non-Discrimination Act | Sport Report - Washington Redskins Name Controversy & Miami Dolphins Bullying Allegations | Who Might Be Honoring Me Next? - People’s Choice Awards | Sign Off - People’s Choice Awards
SUIT REPORT: Smokey Grey Suit | Crisp White Shirt | Deep Red Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, November 7, 2013

“Ladies and Gentlemen, after a greeting like that I just want to blow your bagpipe”

Um, taping report please…what was that about?

Employment Non-Discrimination Act

“The Senate floor passed the Employment Non-Discrimination Act which provides workplace protection for the LGBT community.”

  • Luckily, this ENDA bill applies only to companies with 15 or more employees. So you’re safe now, 14 Bigots Moving and Storage.

It’s the little things on this show that make it great, like seeing “remember our motto: Filipinos are thieves” as a hidden gem and being able to laugh about it.

  • You hear that? Workplace protection to the LGBT community. They wanna make it illegal for employers to discriminate against lesbians, gays … Batman … Don’t tell me. I know this one. Tartar sauce, or those into the tartar sauce lifestyle.

  • Today it’s transgender, tomorrow the government will tell me I can’t fire a mermaid. Oh, excuse me, a hermaphro-trout.
  • Here in New York City, some bathrooms have an all gender restroom symbol. Look at this, you’ve got a guy, you’ve got a girl, the next one over there is already sporting a boner. And the one on this end is in some sort of crazy sex swing.

Sport Report - Washington Redskins Name Controversy & Miami Dolphins Bullying Allegations

  • If the R word was the N word I wouldn’t be able to say it on the air. Watch this — redskin, redskin, redskin. See? Totally fine. Now let me try that with the N word.

  • Being worried about bullying is just a fad, like poodle skirts or separate water fountains. Get over it.

Who Might Be Honoring Me Next? - People’s Choice Awards

  • I am nominated for a People’s Choice Award! I have always wanted to win, ever since I heard they still existed. I may finally take home the coveted … I wanna say … crystal vagina? I’m not sure what that is. It’s nice. Whatever it is.
  • I’ve got some stiff competition. I respect all of these guys, may the best man win. But as a journalist, I would be remiss not to tell you about their sordid pasts.
  • For starters, the Jimmy’s are personal friends of mine. But did you know that neither of them is really named Jimmy? Both of them were born James. What else are they lying to you about?
  • And there is no greater fan of David Letterman than yours truly. But he kills ducks in the park with a tack hammer. Allegedly, allegedly. I have no proof that. Good luck Dave.
  • And Conan O’Brien may be a great guy but he’s no fan of people. Does he employ a masturbating human? No. Not since Max Weinberg left.
  • Whereas I, Stephen Colbert, live solely to entertain the people.

Nation, how is it possible that Stephen has not been eligible before? Go Vote!! Vote early vote often but remember not to vote more than 6 billion times.

Interview - Daniel Lieberman

I remember Mr. Lieberman from before, when he was talking about barefoot running, that was not that long ago. Still don’t barefoot run, but I respect his opinion.

He came on to talk about his book, “The Story of the Human Body”.

I found it interesting what he said about how hunter-gatherers actually lived long lives and I’ve heard it before but it’s worth saying again. I think we tend to think we are living longer than ever, but we forget just how long we’ve been on this Earth.

He also talked about cultural evolution and how changes like gay marriage can actually affect our bodies.

Daniel: The first big shift in our diet was the agricultural revolution, we started growing food…
Stephen: We talkin’ the 1960’s?
Daniel: Well, it started about 600 generations ago.
Stephen: What is that like, 1940’s?
Daniel: Yeah, well, 1940’s, but 10,000 years before that.

Trans fats and sugar are not good for our bodies. I kinda knew that, but okay. It’s good to be reminded, I guess.

Stephen: Would you like to live longer?
Daniel: Yeah, probably
Stephen: How long would you like to live?
Daniel: About 92, that seems perfect.
Stephen: I like that too. Now I want to live to 93, so I can beat you.

Related Posts:
  1. May 16, 2013 — Daniel Lieberman
  2. People’s Choice 2013 Nominee Selection.
  3. People’s Choice 2014 Nominee Selection
  4. Stephen Colbert Receives a ‘People Choice Award’ Nomination

4 thoughts on “November 7, 2013 — Daniel Lieberman”

  1. Tucker Carlson, or as Stephen called him “star of the ‘Problem Child’ movies”, is beyond ridiculous for saying that bullying is just a fad.

    I am so glad that he mentioned his nomination for a People’s Choice Award. I have a feeling that The Colbert Nation will descend upon that website with great vigor and vote for Stephen! The jokes about the other late night men were hilarious.

    And we got a mention of Stephen’s fetish - Tall Women Carrying Heavy Things. :)

    Tip of the Hat! Thumb up +3

    Reply ↓

    • He once talked about it on a podcast, but I cannot remember which one. I’ll try to track it down for you! Or maybe another Hubster will remember.

      Tip of the Hat! Thumb up +1

      Reply ↓

      • It’s his character’s fetish, not his; he got the idea by watching interns lug big water bottles up his building’s elevator-less stairway.

        Tip of the Hat! Thumb up +2

        Reply ↓

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