EPISODE NUMBER: 10008 (October 10, 2013)
GUESTS: Reed Albergotti and Vanessa O’Connell
STAFF CAMEO: Paul Dinello
SEGMENTS: Government Shutdown Day 10 & Shep Smith’s Input | Because Shep - Fox News Deck | Because Shep - Fox News Deck - Colbert Info News Veranda | Hanksy’s Grizzly Art | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Grey Pinstriped Suit | White Shirt | Yellow Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, October 10, 2013
Government Shutdown Day 10 & Shep Smith’s Input
- It is day 10 of the government shutdown. Day 10, let me just add that to my frequent government shutdown card.
Shep was reporting on a skydiver who was diving inside a coffin, but he didn’t have video of it. He had lots of pretty clouds.
I love how in the corner it says, “Fox Urgent”. Yeah.
Shep Smith is the rogue guy on Fox News, but as Jon said the other night, apparently he’s been CNN’d. He was away for a month and now he’s back to reveal the changes that have taken place at FNC. It’s pretty much like what CNN has done, all style, no substance but lots of fun gadgets to play with.
Because Shep - Fox News Deck
“They’re all working off brand new computer technology. We call these BATS. Big Area Touch Screens. We call it the Fox News Deck.”
- Yes, the Fox News Desk. It’s like Star Trek’s holodeck. It feels like you’re surrounded by news, but it’s all an illusion. The Star-Shep Enterprise observes the fundemental rule of TV journalism. Bigger + Electric = Information.
Shep uses a new technology that is really pretty much just a Wii controller to move around pictures on his 38 foot long news wall, including a picture that he describes as a woman evacuating from a hurricane zone.
“It’s incredible. Shep can move around images of devastation with the flick of his controller. It’s like he’s playing Wii Tragedy.”
“This is the new hub for breaking news coverage for all of Fox News Channel.”
- That’s a bit technical, so let me explain it. They took what experts call an ‘area’ and applied a process known as ‘make big’. Using these BATS, Fox Information Specialists can swipe through cyberspace like in the movie ‘Minority Report’. Except Fox News does not report on minorities.
- Shep may have a 38-foot video wall, but I’ve got a 38-story video climbing wall. The climbers — formerly news producers, now called information sherpas — scale the wall to bring you the latest stories. It’s a dangerous job but should they fall to their deaths, that’s just more news for the wall.
Because Shep - Fox News Deck - Colbert Info News Veranda
- Welcome to the Info News Veranda where we are committed to bringing you the mostest of the moreness. We call it the ‘Big Unbelievable Large LED Super Hyper Information Technology’.
- Here at the News Veranda we are focused on bringing you the news like a kitten focused on a laser dot. We employ the industry’s top feline media managers who scamper around in a cage … who floor is made of iPads. They sift through the entire internet and whatever they step on is then hypercommed to the Info News Veranda printer. Then each printed news item is fed directly into our cutting-edge news separator which separates out all the news. And the resulting nano-information is upshovelled to our kinetic journo-chamber where the most grabbled stories are hand selected … and delivered to me via News Falcon.
News Falcon, report! Thank you, noble friend. News falcon, away!
Stephen’s News Veranda ultimately becomes his demise as “Tweet-bot” decides to “un-verify” him.
Hanksy’s Grizzly Art
Stephen’s studio was adorned by a work of art by the anonymous artist who goes by the name “Hanksy”. Who could it be? and where will he strike next?
Stephen deconstructs the clues left behind much like when he used to do The DaColbert Code, and realizes it was Tom Hanks. Or was it?
- I don’t know what’s more impressive, how he captured my likeness or how he knew what I look like before I body wax.
Reed Albergotti and Vanessa O’Connell
- “My guests tonight broke the Lance Armstrong cheating scandal. Big deal…let’s see them do it six more times.”
“Lance [Armstrong] is a friend, okay? You know that? I stick by my friends and I am loyal to the end. First question is, do people still like him?”
Vanessa: Lance called it butter.
Reed: …because he kept it in the butter compartment of the refrigerator.
Stephen: Wow, and when they caught him they said, ‘I can’t believe this is not butter’.
Just when you think that Fox News could not possibly get more ridiculous, in steps Shepard Smith to unveil the bright new hi-tech newsroom. Leave it to Stephen to mock the Fox News Deck in a phenomenal way; including kittens, falcons, killer robots and the wonderful Paul Dinello!
I hope Stephen has a good week off. But he better hurry back, because, “Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone.”
TIP OF THE HAT!
+7
“And he’s always gone too long, anytime he goes away.”
TIP OF THE HAT!
+8
If it’s shiny and new it’s legit right?
TIP OF THE HAT!
+2
I’ve been such a bad TDS/TCR fan lately, and bless my DVR so much for recording my shows so that I can reasonably watch them later. And I think part of the reason why I haven’t really watched our boys this week is because any news about the government shutdown depresses me to no end. Even the knowledge that Jon and Stephen would turn the news into something I could at least laugh about wasn’t doing it. So when I finally, finally had a minute to breathe this week and sit down and watch this episode, I laughed. And laughed more. I really needed Paul Dinello in a journo-chamber and Stephen getting attacked by the robot all in the name of making fun of that stupid Fox News deck. If someone were to ever ask why I love this show so much, I will now play them this episode.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+4
“I can’t believe it’s not butter”
TIP OF THE HAT!
+1
“The Fox Nation is for those opposed to intolerance, excessive government control of our lives, and attempts to monopolize opinion or suppress freedom of thought, expression, and worship.”
Only certain people are encouraged to participate on Foxnews.com, the rational, un-brainwashed members of our society need not join the club.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+2