EPISODE NUMBER: 10002 (September 26, 2013)
GUEST: Daniel Radcliffe
STAFF CAMEO: Jay Katsir (Jay the Intern)
SEGMENTS: Federal Government Shutdown | Affordable Care Act & Obama’s Computerized America | Adorable Care Act & Generation Opportunity | National Hispanic Heritage Month | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Grey Suit | White Shirt | Dark Grey Patterned Tie | Fur Coat | Poncho & Sombrero
TAPING REPORT: [Link]
VIDEOS: Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Federal Government Shutdown
Bow before me!!
- No EPA. Time to dump some old house paint down the storm drain. Sorry dolphins, you had a good run.
- You know what, the water used to be blue until I dumped this s*** in there.
- I am proud and prepared to fill the power vacuum, as ‘Erlord of the Afterscape’.
- I will seize all government functions. Who needs the F.D.A.? Just send me your drugs, I’ll test them for you.
Remember to display your hindquarters, he likes that!
Stephen: Jay, how’s the bamboo taste?
Jay: I lost a tooth.
Stephen: Well, choke it down May Pang. You will need your strength for mating.
Jay: I’m going to mate with a lady panda?
Stephen: Not a lady panda Jay.
Affordable Care Act & Obama’s Computerized America
“The Federally run site for ObamaCare exchanges in 36 states is posting error messages because it cannot handle the volume of traffic.”
- Too many people signing up is always the surest sign that nobody wants.
- Fox host Sustren van Gretta knows that this so-called healthcare for ‘everyone’, will leave people behind.
“Greta van Sustren: If I don’t have a computer, what about me?
Sam Baker: There is a call centre for folks who prefer to sign up over the phone.”
- Oh, so the ‘affordable’ health care act requires everyone to buy a computer. Which you can’t eve order online without, you guessed it, a computer. So now I need two computers? Welcome to Obama’s America.
- The phone? You mean Mr. Bell’s demon box? How am I supposed to navigate this infernal contraption? I don’t have a clue! Look at these numbers! Why is there even a hashtag button down here? Are we supposed to tweet our health problems now? #ThunderJunk. Great. Now everybody in America knows that I have chronic thunder junk.
Adorable Care Act & Generation Opportunity
We’ll be right back, though I’m not sure this guy will.
- Could me a mouse, could be a hamster. I don’t know. Thanks to ObamaCare, it could have been a rat that had gerbil reassignment surgery.
- The K-Bros. Bros before HMO’s.
- The Koch’s go with youth, like peanut butter goes with ensure.
- Yes, it’s going to be cheaper and better for you. Not only do you get to pay a fine, you also don’t get insurance. It’s like renting instead of buying and not getting a place to live.
National Hispanic Heritage Month
“Come on, baby shake your body baby, do the conga. I know you can’t control yourself any longer. Come on, baby shake your body baby, do the conga. I know you can’t control yourself any longer.”
- Hola! You just caught me celebrating Hispanic culture. I’m wearing Mexico’s official hat and traditional Mexican area rug with hole cut in it. And I’m heating up un muy authentico burrito from Siete-Once.
- Hey! That’s really f***ing hot. Wow! That is much hotter than what we rehearsed. That would go great with un gulpo mass grande. It’s such a rich culture. Himmy, play some Mexican music to get me over to the desk.
- It is Hispanic Heritage month, which runs from September 15th to October 15th. Yes, even their Heritage Month jumps a border.
- Thank you for that wonderful report from the international foods isle. I look forward to Fox News report on Italian heritage, featuring Chef Boyardee.
- I look forward to your next round of flattering characterisations of Hispanic kids, like ‘Nachos Chips Off the Ole Block’ and ‘Mexican Humping Beans’.
Interview - Daniel Radcliffe
Stephen: I’ve been a fan of yours since you were just … the height you are now actually. I was expecting a little spurt at the end, it never came.
Daniel: Weren’t we all.
Stephen: You’ve branced out of films. You’ve done ‘Equus’, and ‘How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.’ Are you afraid of being pigeonholed as a young, attractive, successful actor who can also sing and dance.
Daniel: Honestly, that keeps me up at night. I mean, no-one wants to be thought of as that. I’m very flattered that you’ve noticed all the other things [I've done].
Stephen: I’m not saying I’m stalking you …
Daniel: It would be fine if you were though. That would be okay.
Stephen: That’s very generous. So few of my guests say that.
Daniel: I thought I’d offer you the opportunity to talk me. It’s kind of why I cam here. I thought we could talk about this.
Stephen: That would be beautiful.
Stephen: I notice that a lot of actors are English people.
Daniel: It’s true.
Stephen: Why is it? Is it an attempt to get over the speech impediment for you guys?
Stephen: I had Elijah Wood sitting in that exact same seat -
Daniel: Blocking your view at the exact same height …
Stephen: We have a mark on the wall.
Stephen looks adorable in a sombrero and a poncho. And, I have to eat crow now. I said O’Reilly’s microwave would never be legitimately used again, and there he was microwaving a burrito with it. Albeit a little too much. Guess it still works!
Tip of the Hat!
+5
Now that our government is shut down, it is comforting to know that Stephen has declared himself “Earl Lord of the Afterscape!” The costumes in this episode were a lot of fun. I always love seeing Jay the Intern. He’s up for anything! I agree with you, CN Helper, about the sombrero and poncho. And now I can’t get that darn Gloria Estefan song out of my head! I really liked his sign-off look…just something about it. Delightful!
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I was there last night. I’ll try and get a reporT up as soon as possible.
Tip of the Hat!
+9
That’s great! Please do.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
I love that Elijah Wood has responded to the interview!!
Loved the Hispanic Heritage segment, though Stephen has quite mastered the art of the poncho or the burito. Will we have more band aids covering his burito burns, I wonder?
Tip of the Hat!
+6
It’s interesting that he mentioned Elijah Wood, I never realized how similar they look to each other. They could easily play brothers in a movie. Hopefully we will see the battle between the wizard and the hobbit!
Tip of the Hat!
+4
I only watched it once so I’m not 100% sure, but I think Stephen called himself “Ur-Lord of the Afterscape.” That would seem more likely, given his costume.
More hilarity: “Mr. Bell”s demon box.” I loved that because I hate phones. Also, if you got the “May Pang” reference, award yourself 10 points for your knowledge of 1970s pop culture trivia.
Daniel Radcliffe seemed awfully giddy, and surprisingly willing to let Stephen stalk him. That was cute.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
According to Comedy Central’s Twitter feed, it’s ‘Erlord of the Afterscape’. Either way, I have no idea what that is
Tip of the Hat!
+1
Yeah, I don’t know, either. Still loved that get-up, though!
Tip of the Hat!
+1