EPISODE NUMBER: 9144 (September 5, 2013)
GUESTS: John Prine
SPECIAL GUESTS: August & Arthur (Brooklyn Subway Kittens)
SEGMENTS: Intro - 9/5/13 | Smile File - Ariel Castro & The Eric Bolling Sunshine Express | cOlbert’s Book Club & Couch Bunker | John Prine - “How Lucky”
EXCLUSIVE: John Prine and Stephen Colbert - “Paradise”
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Blue Stripped Tie
TAPING REPORT: [Link] and [Link]
VIDEOS: Thursday, September 5, 2013
Intro - 9/5/13
Tonight, who will be the next mayor of New York? Quinn, de Blasio, or two hundred rats in a man suit? Then, good news for gun owners, or any kind of news you want. You’re the one with the gun! And my guest is Grammy Award winner acoustic legend, John Prine. After the ‘Colbert Bump’, he will be able to afford an electric guitar. Happy Rosh Hashanah, which we all know is the Jewish holiday of, I have no idea my writers all left early!
Smile File - Ariel Castro & The Eric Bolling Sunshine Express
- Folks, I want to thank you and thank you for letting me latch on to you like an emotional lampray, and suck the joy from your young vital bodies until they are as cry as a crouton.
- Folks, there’s a lot of depressing news out there. Chemical weapons in Syria, radiation in Fukoshima, Breaking Bad is ending. Even worse, I’m starting to think that Hand and Walt may not end up together.
“Ariel Castro, the paedophile piece of you-know-what, who held three girls captive in Cleveland for a decade was convicted and sentenced to life +1000 years behind bars. Last night the coward hung himself far short of the 1000 years. He served 33 days to be exact. Think about how much taxpayer dollars we saved. Here’s the maths on the whiteboard. Ariel Castro, 53-years-old, life expectancy of 79-years-old. $30,000 a year to house him in a federal penitentiary, $780,000 we saved by him hanging himself.”
- That’s a good point. Justice is expensive. I mean, imagine how much we could have saved if we never caught him. And folks, the Bolling sunshine express did not end at Castro. Bolling had a way to save America even more money.
“How about Gitmo? $903,000 per year per Gitmo detainee. That’s $150,000,000 a year we would save if they’d all think about doing the same thing.”
- I mean would it kill those Gitmo detainees to kill themselves? For pete’s sake, what are they waiting for? Charges?
- Oh God. Oh God don’t do it Eric, you’ve got so much to live for. Nothing’s coming to me now, but one imagines.
- See Eric, the people are clapping for you. Like Tinkerbell … like Tinkerbell with a gun in her mouth.
Kitten Subway Crisis & NYC Mayoral Race
- These subway kittens paralysed transit systems in Brooklyn. It was chaos. Hundreds of Brooklynites were stuck on the platform with nothing to Instagram. Thousands of barista’s were late for their shift. Worst of all, dozens of bands were instantly formed and named ‘The Subway Kittens’.
“If Anthony Weiner is elected mayor … he will not only stop trains for kittens, he will personally crawl over the third rail to do it.”
- I for one believe Anthony Weiner would never harm a kitten, though he has a long record of choking the chicken.
- Think about it. Lhota is the only pro-dead kitten candidate in this race. Or any race.
- I am ready to endore in the mayoral race and Joe Lhota is looking good, but first sir, you have to prove that when it comes to kitty-cide you don’t just talk the talk. You need to kill these kittens … Anyway you want, Barry! *cue game show music*
“For his kitten killing, Joe Lhota can choose from: a bat, a chef’s knife, his choice of hammers, a monkey wrench … or a classic burlap bag filled with rocks to toss into the East River.
All this and more can he yours Joe Lhota, if you’ll just ‘Kill these Kittens!’”
cOlbert’s Book Club & Couch Bunker
- Folks, if you watch this show you know that I am in bitter competition with ‘O’, the Oprah Book Club. Well next Tuesday, September 10th, we’ll have our second installment ‘cOlbert Book Club’, this time dedicated to author J.D. Salinger. So, by next Tuesday, read anything you want by Salinger, except ‘Catcher in the Rye’, I don’t care for it.
- Folks, I previously told you about ‘The Bed Bunker’ … There is no better place to rest your head after an exhausting day of paranoia.
- What about those vulnerable hours when you’re not sleeping? Well don’t worry folks, cause the makers of ‘The Bed Bunker’ have an answer [...] the ‘Couch Bunker’. That’s right, it’s what we’ve been waiting for - a couch with bullet proof cushions.
- That’s why I’m proud to introduce the latest in living room protection, the ‘Barca Launcher’. Simply duck tape a knife to your head then pull the lever on the side to launch yourself head first at your enemy.
Exclusive - John Prine “Paradise” (feat. Stephen Colbert)
I need an mp3 of “Paradise” please! So soulful. It’s been a while since Stephen sang on the show (I don’t think since Christmas with Diana Kroll and Elvis Costello, right?) I never heard of John Prine before but I loved both “How Lucky” and the exclusive. It’s always nice to see Stephen have people that he has genuinely long admired (i.e. Paul McCartney, etc.)
Interesting how the topic’s on Prine’s album resonate still today, even though it’s from 1991, talking about “torturing the timber” and “stripping all the land.” Made me think about all the stories Stephen’s done on fracking, mining, and its effects on the environment.
A lot of dark topics in this ep, Ariel Castro, Eric Bolling, and the killing kittens bit. It was kind of nice to end the week with some nice folk music.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
The thing I like about TCR is that I always discover new musicians. I’ve also never heard of John Prine before, but I liked both songs. Anyway, here’s the mp3: [Link]
Tip of the Hat!
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Thanks Mrc! I didn’t want to ask you explicitly, but I knew you would do it anyways. You rock
Tip of the Hat!
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Thanks so much for the MP3 Mrc. I was so happy to read here that Stephen did a duet last night with John Prine. I only wish sometimes they would show the duet on TV and put the bonus song on the web.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
Yay for the mp3-thanks so much, Mrc!
Both Jon and Stephen rocked tonight. Jon’s segment on the VA hospitals was scathing. Stephen was great all-around. No matter how low I think Fox can go, they go even lower than I ever would have imagined. Sure, I understand weeping no tears for Ariel Castro; he was a monster, and I mostly care that his victims find some peace. But saying that everyone in Guantanamo-most of whom are innocent of any wrongdoing-should kill themselves? I gasped out loud. Just gasped. Know another way to save money on jailing them? LET THEM GO. That was Obama’s promise and he never kept it.
Loved the John Prine songs. Because I am a little (ahem) older than many here, I did actually know him. Also because I kind of grew up as a folkie. But it’s been ages since I listened to him, and I really enjoyed it. Such beautiful guitar playing. The sound was amazing. And I’m glad Stephen joined him. I thought it would be a perfect match.
And . . . oh, KITTENS. Kittens. Kittens.
Tip of the Hat!
+5
Such a great episode! I’m so glad I picked this one to watch! And can I just say that some of my favorite parts of the show lately have been Stephen’s introductions on the web exclusive! And at the end when he let out the “life long dream” thanks to Mr. Prine. He is so much more natural and himself on those exclusives.
Tip of the Hat!
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Thank you very much for that mp3, Mrc. I think Stephen has made me a John Prine fan. I have been listening to his music all morning while I work. I loved the exclusive duet of John Prine and Stephen singing “Paradise.” Beautiful!
Have a great weekend all!
Tip of the Hat!
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As sad as it is, I have to say that ‘kitty-cide’ is my new favourite word.
Is Stephens watch new? I haven’t seen that one before. I wonder if it’s one of those new smart watches?
Tip of the Hat!
+3
Eric Bolling is a fucking asshole. If that does get censored, then know that I wrote the words that rhyme with tucking bass mole. I felt the need to actually say it.
KITTIEEEEEEEES!!! So cute. I think we, as a species, have become too self important if we think it’s okay to kill kittens so we can get to work on time.
Stephen and John Prine, singing together = awesome!!
Tip of the Hat!
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llama, I tried to give you a “tip of the hat,” but it just wasn’t happening. Don’t know what’s wrong-the site or my computer.
I agree with every sentiment.
Tip of the Hat!
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The “tip of the hat” function for this site hasn’t been working on my computer for at least the last few days.
Tip of the Hat!
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@karenatasha and @Caroline I will give the plugin a look over and see what’s going on with it
Tip of the Hat!
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