EPISODE NUMBER: 9138 (August 12, 2013)
GUESTS: Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse
SEGMENTS: Jack-Hammering Badonkadonk Journalism | Better Know a District - New Jersey’s 12th | Better Know a District - New Jersey’s 12th - Rush Holt | Innocent Tourist Mistake | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Gray Suit | Pale blue shirt | Baby blue patterned tie
VIDEOS: Monday, August 12, 2013
I love that this episode had such a diverse array of topics in it, from Flo Rida’s divinely inspired tribute to the derriere, to brainy physicist/congressman Rush Holt’s “courageous” attempt to crush fellow contender Corey Booker in New Jersey senate primary, to Stephen comparing himself to Michaelangelo’s David. That doesn’t even include the interview! Guest Senator Sheldon Whitehouse turned out to be really great, and his idea of using the wisdom of the ages to help the paralysis in Washington, as evidenced in quotes by famous leaders and couplets of poetry, is an innovative one.
I also liked Stephen introducing the BKAD segment with the nuclear hazmat-y outfit - he looked like a mad scientist, which was pretty cool. It was a dark angle to profile that element of the district’s history, but along with the Matt Damon segment last week, Stephen seems to be going a little darker with the humor lately. Maybe that’s where he’s at the moment, I dunno. In any event, the darker humor suits him, and is very effectively funny.
It is doubtful that Rush Holt has a chance against Corey Booker in the primary, but it was nice of the Report to give him some airtime against the well-funded, well known Booker. Holt is clearly an intelligent scientist, but he struggled with Stephen’s efforts to “better know” him. He also seemed unfamiliar with the concept of thumb wrestling. Well, in spite of these challenges, we certainly wish him luck.
What did you guys think? Let us know in the comments.
Jack-Hammering Badonkadonk Journalism
“Far and away, Mr. Rida is the best state named rapper out there. Even better than i da ho, Illin’ Noise, and orthodox jew hip-hop artist Ari Zona. Challah!”
- Well, on Friday Today had my favorite rapper Flo Rida. The last black man willing to be associated with the state of Florida.
- Now, that might seem like a large serving of butt for breakfast, but Today waited until 8:47 AM. That’s just journalism 101. 6 AM hard news, 7 AM human interest pieces, 8:30 - jackhammering be-donk-a-donk.
- Plus, did you know that [Flo Rida's] sickness for the thickness was inspired by the Lord?
- Flo Rida puts God first in everything. I mean he only wrote “Bubble Yum Bum” because Jesus was a booty fan. I mean, after all he did say turn the other cheek, probably so he could see the ladies twerk it.
- So thank you, Flo Rida, and thank you, Today Show, because I had my morning toast already and you knew I was ready for that jelly.
Better Know a District - New Jersey’s 12th
Stephen mentions in this BKAD intro that NJ’s 12th district was home to the “Father of the Nuclear Bomb” J. Robert Oppenheimer, leading to this delightfully dark bit.
Better Know a District - New Jersey’s 12th - Jim Holt
Physicist, congressman, Jeopardy! winner, and NJ primary senatorial candidate Rush Holt is sooo totally a Libra.
- If Corey Booker was elected, he would be the first black senator from New Jersey. Tell the people of New Jersey now why you think it’s a bad idea to elect the first black senator from New Jersey.
Innocent Tourist Mistake
- Hey Italy, if your restorers need a model for that finger I’ve got one right here! Who cares if a 600 year old statue’s finger snapped off? Just replace it with one of Italy’s famed unlimited breadsticks. Or have we forgotten “hospitaliano.”
- Besides, everyone is calling this a priceless artwork. If it’s free, just get another one.
- Yes, normally, you don’t touch the works, but look at the statue. The guy’s been waiting for a high five since the 1400s! You can’t leave a bro hangin’!
- Yes, that is whole reason museums exist: so you can compare yourself to the art. That’s why the first time I saw Michaelangelo’s David I dropped trow, crawled up there, and did a little side-by-side comparison. (audience goes wild) And I don’t want to shock anyone, but let’s just say, he met the real Goliath.
Interview - Senator Sheldon Whitehouse
The following is Senator Sheldon Whitehouse’s favorite couplet featured in his book, On Virtues: Quotations and Insight to Live a Full, Honorable, and Truly American Life:
“Life is mostly froth and bubble;
two things stand like stone.
Kindness in another’s trouble,
Courage in one’s own.”
- Stephen: Why did you put this book out, because, you’re a Democrat, what do Democrats know about virtues? Virtues are generally a conservative ideal, they’re generally about preserving what is good about our country, when Democrats are willing to sell us down the river to the first interest group to the first interest group with a rainbow flag. Why do you think you’re suited to pick our virtuous quotes?
- Sheldon Whitehouse: I think right now Washington is a little short on some of the virtues […] I want to do what I can to push a different debate…and look back and see what people have said and done at some of the most important times in history, things that capture a piece of the human spirt.
- Stephen: Do you think this is an important time in human history?
- Whitehouse: I do.
- Stephen: Why is nothing happening then?
- Whitehouse: Because we’re at a junction, and the fight is where do we turn. What direction do we go? And pretty soon I think the paralysis in Washington is going to break, I think the grip of the Tea Party of the Republican party is going to diminish, I think a more moderate Republican is going to appear, and then we will be able to work together and move forward, as Churchill would say, “into broad and sunlit uplands.”
- Stephen:Really? That is nice. You have these things in your pocket all the time. That’s really kind of a trump card, whenever you have an argument with someone…you can say “as Shakespeare said, ‘you’re wrong and I’m right.’”
Oh, poor Jim Holt. Poor, poor Jim Holt. You do not tangle with Stephen before your primary. (Though I don’t know when this was filmed.) I think his opponent, the media savvy Cory Booker, might have, but Holt was like a deer caught in the headlights. I think he’s a good guy, but he could not handle Stephen.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+3
Wait, did ‘The Today Show’ really report on someone sharting in the White House?
Snaps to the props department on the elaborate BKAD set up! I definitely wasn’t expecting Stephen’s hair to be so grey at the sides!
I loved that Stephen couldn’t contain his inner schoolboy during the Michaelangelo segment. But seriously, how close do you need to get to compare hands? More importantly, why do you even need to know how big your hand is in comparison to a lesser known statue?
TIP OF THE HAT!
+3
No, I think Stephen meant to reference Al Roker’s little incident pooping on himself during his visit to the White House. I can’t even comprehend that happening to anyone, let alone a journalist/news person.
I thought at first Stephen was trying to pull a Walter White with the goggles, gloves and radioactive capsules. I thought he was still in Breaking Bad mode since Cranston’s appearance.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+4
That joke about Michaelangelo’s David made me laugh so hard! And also (I’ll admit it) *blush* just a little bit! Haha! I loved the thumb wrestling challenge with Jim Holt at the end of BKAD. If memory serves, I believe that Stephen has now thumb wrestled, leg wrestled and arm wrestled during BKAD segments!
TIP OF THE HAT!
+3
Oops! RUSH Holt…thank you, Mr. Arkadin!
TIP OF THE HAT!
+1
Why does everyone keep calling Rush Holt, Jim? It’s bad enough he just got crushed by Wall Street mascot Cory Booker, but we could at least get his name right.
@Katt: Thanks for introducing the word “sharting” to the site. I’m looking forward to the time I can write a post with that “word” and the expression “tits up” soon!
Wow! We got the edit button back! So cool, Katt! Thanks!
TIP OF THE HAT!
+2
Because I messed up, Mr. Arkadin, writing late at night. The fault is entirely mine and I am sorry. Forgive me.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+1
I just now got around to watching the BKAD segment. I don’t think Holt did too bad, but he could’ve rolled with the comedy a little better. Not that it mattered, because that primary was pretty much a lock for Cory Booker anyway.
The intro to the segment was great. Loved the little jab at the Trenton Thunder, who are part of the Yankees minor league system. Also that line about being able to say “way to go, Einstein” and get a reply from “an old man” was funny.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+1