EPISODE NUMBER: 9137 (August 8, 2013)
GUESTS: Colum McCann | Matt Damon
STAFF CAMEO: Jay Katsir (Jay the Intern)
SEGMENTS: Ganjay Supta | Hollywood Heroes | Hollywood Heroes - Matt Damon | The Ronald Wilson Reagan Economic Breathing Zone | Sign Off - “Fifty Shades of Grey”
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | Light blue shirt | Red/navy stripped tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, August 8, 2013
Ganjay Supta
- America is losing the battle against Mary Jane. This year, New Hampshire and Illinois legalized medical marijuana, bringing to 20 the number of states where your pharmacist will soon look like this [The Dude].
- Wait a second. We were misinformed by a cable news doctor? Next you’ll tell me I can’t get directions to my cousins house from ‘Fareed Zakaria GPS’.
- It’s bad enough that Sanjay Gupta, or as I know call him ‘Ganjay Supta’.
Hollywood Heroes
- Truely heroic … And it’s Malkovich, so probably creepy.
- Now with all of these super star saviours, I’m starting to think people are putting themselves in mortal danger just to meet celebrities … and I want in!
- Endangering my life seems like the easiest way to do it, that’s just Occam’s razor. The simplest solution is usually to slice your vein open with a razor and hope you get carried to the hospital by Hugh Jackman. I love you, Wolverine.
Hollywood Heroes - Matt Damon
SC: Help! Help, somebody famous.
Jay the Intern: Don’t worry boss, I’ll get you out.
SC: Jay, what are you doing? You’re not a celebrity!
Jay the Intern: Well not on Earth, but in World of Warcraft I’m a level 80 Horde Mage.
SC: Go away!!
SC: *groans* Help …
MD: Stephen? Stephen Colbert?
SC: Matt Damon, thank God you’re here!
MD: I was just walking by. What happened to you buddy? Are you okay?
SC: You mean other than the vending machine?
MD: No, no, I mean the vending machine.
SC: Than no, I’m not okay.
MD: Hang on. I’m gonna get you out.
SC: This is so great. I’ve always wanted to be saved by a big star.
MD: Someone call 911!
SC: You are big right?
MD: Yeah, however Hollywood’s measuring that this week.
SC: Well it’s usually based on Box Office revenue. So what was your latest movie?
MD: Are ‘Promised Land’.
SC: Ah, the fracking movie … Yeah, I like … I … I heard good things.
MD: *Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ plays. Oh, I’m sorry that’s just rude. Let me turn this off … Wait, what!?! I really gotta go. Jimmy Kimmel got his head stuck in mayonnaise jar. I really gotta go help him out.
SC: Matt? Matt Damon? Somebody call Clooney! Somebody call Brad Pitt! Somebody tell them I’m friends with Matt Damon now.
The Ronald Wilson Reagan Economic Breathing Zone
- Before we go on, I just want to thank Hugh Jackman for saving me during the commercial break. I wish we had camera’s rolling.
- And the Ronald Reagan Airport in Washington D.C., a city named for our first president who I believe should be renamed ‘The Ronald Reagan George Washington.’
- California representative, and definitely not a contract killer, Darrell Issa.
“Darrell Issa wants to rename [America's Exclusive Economic Zone] the ‘Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone.’”
- This makes perfect sense. I’ve always known the ocean was conservative. Like the Republican Party, it’s full of great whites.
“Naming the entire EEC after anyone seems a bit much.”
- Oh, so we can’t name part of the water after our greatest President, but it’s okay to name all of it after 80s R&B star Billy Ocean.
- Why is there this objection to naming a huge arbitrary portion of our natural resources after Reagan? I say there is no place on Earth too large or too arbitrary to honour the Gipper’s legacy. That’s why tonight I am proud to declare that the area between four and seven feet off the ground, ‘The Ronald Wilson Reagan Economic Breathing Zone.’
Interview - Colum McCann
CMc: How many great American novels have been written?
SC: ’50 Shades’
Conducting an interview with Matt Damon while trapped under a Coke machine — now that is seriously awesome! It’s been an incredible week for TCR!
Tip of the Hat!
+5
Is Matt Damon officially a friend of the show yet? I love that he is so willing to turn up and go with whatever Stephen throws at him!
Tip of the Hat!
+4
I don’t know what just happened, but Colbert DEFINITELY nailed down this week, like he’s taking a rainbow of crazy and then wringing it out into some ambrosia that will make his viewers eternally blown away by the awesomeness that is, The Most Def Colbert. I did not expect Matt Damon to rescue Stephen from the Coke machine, even though he did appear during Tuesday’s Colbchella. Props to TCR’s favorite intern, Jay, to come to the rescue earlier.
BTW, after watching TDS, I’m starting to appreciate what Sen. Gillibrand is doing, considering how much she wants to tackle the issues of sexual assault in the military and other problems like the settlements with SEC. There should more politicians like her who are concerned about America and its real problems.
Also, why did Olly-Scone have to cover the Fabulous Fab with sooooo many nicknames that sound way better? Jokemaster Johnny Fresh? Juicy Johnny? Carlos Danger? Sob… He may not have considered mine, but he’s still Olly-Scone in my heart.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
Asides from the somewhat gruesome (but funny) Matt Damon segment, my favorite segment was finding out I’m a dweller in the Water Mondale breathing zone! I’m quite proud of that actually. It’s better down there. :]
Has Matt Damon ever been a guest guest? Last night, Tuesday’s booth dancing, and the trick or treat/”Saving Private Ryan” walk on with Tom Hanks. But I don’t remember an official sit down interview. Am I wrong?
Tip of the Hat!
+3
Mr A, yeah, I don’t think he’s ever been at the actual interview table, as far as I can remember. He is definitely a friend of the show now.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
The Damon skit was hysterical-I love that he’s game for anything (as he and Affleck proved with Kimmel and Sarah Silverman).
I really admire Colum McCann, and I have to say this is one case where I felt Stephen would have liked to conduct the interview as himself, rather than in-character. The subject of McCann’s most recent book has got to fascinate him, given his own background and interest in Ireland. “TransAtlantic” is definitely on my list to read very, very soon.
Tip of the Hat!
+3