EPISODE NUMBER: 9134 (August 5, 2013)
GUESTS: Hugh Laurie
SEGMENTS: Global Terror Warning | Sport Report - A-Rod’s Drug Scandal & Combat Juggling | Broadcast Networks Want More Indecency | Sign Off - Glossary of Terms
SUIT REPORT: Grey Suit | White Shirt | Grey Patterned Tie
TAPING REPORT: [Link]
VIDEOS: Monday, August 5, 2013
There has been a bit of a bromance between Stephen and Hugh going back to when Stephen first placed Dr. House’s picture on the bookshelf. Then “House” reciprocated in 2010. Stephen’s picture sat quietly gracing the background for years on the show, even after Dr. House went into the state Hospital for hallucinations and they completely renovated his office. The picture triumphantly returned when House did.
Then when The Report went high-def in 2010, and their set was revamped and renovated, the only TV doctor whose picture still survives is Dr. House!
Stephen’s picture made a huge appearance on the show in 2012, coming out from the background to be prominently displayed. Now since House has retired, we can only enjoy Hugh’s picture on the TCR set, but it also means he is more likely to be a guest, since he’s not stuck out in LA.
Global Terror Warning
The media has taken the global terror warning very seriously, even though they don’t have any specific details about it. They could attack anywhere at any time.
Man on the TV: …are they going to attack embassies, are they going to attack hotels? we just don’t know.
Stephen: Thank You, NSA. Now we know Americans just need to avoid…this area.
Stephen wants to know just how much he should be panicking.
At least during the Bush years, I could look at this helpful chart and know that my sphincter tightness is Orange. But that’s gone now because Obama gave all the colors to the gays for their rainbow.
The U.S. Embassies will be closed until Saturday, the 10th. After that it will be too difficult for the terrorists to carry out an attack.
“After that the terrorists have to re-book their flights and that’s $100 change fee, take off work again, cancel the babysitter, it’s a nightmare.”
Sport Report - A-Rod’s Drug Scandal & Combat Juggling
“Nation, I am a born sportsman. There are some doctors who have said I have athlete’s feet. This is the Sport Report.”
It’s been a while for the Sport Report and Stephen seems to be itchin’ to do the air guitar, drums, trumpet etc., to the opening theme song.
“Alex Rodriguez, or ‘a rod’, has been suspended til the end of next season. If he’s on your fantasy baseball team it’s time to swap him out for another hobby. Seriously, you’re an adult and your wife misses you.”
“MLB suspended him for 211 games, otherwise what is known as what a single baseball game feels like”
I have to agree with Stephen. I am a huge lover of “ball and stick” but I hate watching it. I’d rather play. Then again, I hate watching most sports.
Apparently ‘a rod’ can still collect millions of dollars even with this suspension. Yeah, that’s some punishment.
Then Stephen announced the sport of the summer. I would’ve never guessed this one.
“This summer we are all going to be into the hottest new game out there, Combat Juggling. I know Combat Juggling sounds complicated, so let me break it down for you. It’s juggling plus combat.”
“I wish more street performing sports would add a combat element to them like…Ultimate Balloon Animal Wrestling, where you not only have to pin your opponent, but tie him into a poodle.”
Interview - Hugh Laurie
Hugh Laurie has already made another blues album, but don’t ask him to whistle.
Hugh: Whistling is easily my weakest suit. One of the songs we do requires whistling and I just can’t do it.
Stephen: Why did you agree to do it then, if you can’t do it?
Stephen: Why is a white English guy, I assume you’re white because of everything you’ve done, why are you recording the blues? That is the great black American art form. Have you come to apologize?
Hugh: I suppose being English I could be singing Gilbert and Sullivan or Duran Duran…
Stephen: or Gilbert and Duran.
—-
Stephen: Since you played House for so long, do you still have the prescription pad, by any chance? because I could go for some Vicodin or Thalmadrac.
Hugh: I do have a stock of the relevant stationery.
Stephen: Did you take it from the set and go ‘you know this might come in handy later’?
Hugh: I was thinking charming memento to begin with, but as you say, could come in handy down the road.
Broadcast Networks Want More Indecency
Stephen, don’t forget to pick up your dry cleaning!
“[Broadcast television] simply cannot compete with that bastion of clout and culture known as basic cable, home to such sophisticated cultural fare as the Arts & Entertainment Network’s symposium on the ancient Dynasty of Duck. And The Learning Channel’s informative series, and this is real, ‘The Man With The 132-Pound Scrotum.’ Every episode is a cliffhanger.”
A lovely transition shot from the reading:
Stephen informs Hugh that you can’t say … whatever it is he said that got bleeped. “Something-off”, I think, I’m not good at lip reading.The glossary of terms wasn’t all that shocking, but I used to listen to Howard Stern so … there you have it.