EPISODE NUMBER: 9133 (August 1, 2013)
GUESTS: Bryan Cranston
SEGMENTS: Intro - 8/1/13 | Edward Snowden’s Asylum | Oppressed White Male Alert - Bob Filner | Grab-Ask 5800 | ThreatDown - Global Erotic Extremism, Mini Muslims & Stripper Bears | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | Light Blue Shirt | Red/White/Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, August 1, 2013

Due to technical difficulties, I’m unable to post screen caps from tonight’s show. As soon as everything is fixed I will get them posted. In the meantime, enjoy quotes from tonight’s show and share your thoughts on the episode below in the comments!!

Edward Snowden’s Asylum

• Yes, he’s gotten asylum in Russia, where Vladimir Putin shares his passion for transparency.

Oppressed White Male Alert - Bob Filner

• Bob Filner is being accused of sexual harassment by eight different women, as well as anyone looking at this picture right now.

• The details are a little disturbing, so if you have children in the room, they’re about to grow up real quick!

• Yes, Bob Filner says he has the biggest monster inside him, adding, would you like my little monster inside you?

• Bob Filner is not taking this lying down, or pinned against the office supply room door.

• Folks, you could say I’m a black belt in sexual harassment. And it is important that I wear the belt, otherwise my robe falls open.

Grab-Ask 5800

• Welcome to the ‘Grab-ASk 5800′, which for the purpose of this demonstration, this is a don’t touch screen. Now, I will not touch the don’t screen because I have not been invited to. Even though,let’s face it. It’s clearly asking for it.

Stephen: What’s up screen? *strokes screen*
Screen: X

That’s our first lesson. I clearly misinterpreted the screen’s intentions, I should have asked first.

Stephen: Touch screen, may I put my hands on you?
Screen: ✓

• Let’s say you feel the desire to tongue your coworkers face during a meeing. What do you do? Not so simple, is it? That’s why I’ve devised a fool proof system called ‘DON’T’. It’s a handy pneumonic device. The ‘D’ stands for ‘don’t’ and the rest of the letters … are just a bonus. You don’t need those.

• Here’s how it works. The next time you’re with a co-worker and you’re thinking: I want to ask her not to wear panties while putting her in a headlock and groping her boobs … Stop. Reassess. Apply the system and DON’T.

ThreatDown - Global Erotic Extremism, Mini Muslims & Stripper Bears

• I always new terrorists hated us for our freedom. Now they love us for our bondage.

“Recall that Muslims consider Ramadan the ‘month of jihad’ and the ‘month of victory’ over infidels. Crayola should remind kids not to try and draw Muhammad lest their parents need to fend off Muslims and enter witness relocation …”

• If there are Islamic colour books, that means that there might be Islamic kids, which brings me to threat number two - Mini Muslims.

• These Godless twerking machines are turning our forests into their very own episode of ‘Grizz Gone Wild’.

Interview - Bryan Cranston

SC: Vince Gilligan told me, you know, what happens.
BC: He did!
SC: He did, and I was shocked. Were you shocked? And what is it?
BC: So then you already know that Jesse Pinkman has a sex change operation.

SC: What is it that appeals to you about being in the manties?
BC: Basically it comes down to this: At some you just have to give the public what they want.

SC: How long does it take you to get into psycho mode at this point?
BC: If someone pushes my buttons, I can get into it really quickly.
SC: I really should’ve agreed on a safe word before we started.