EPISODE NUMBER: 9118 (June 24, 2013)
GUESTS: Andrew Solomon
STAFF CAMEO: Jay Katsir (Jay the Intern)
SEGMENTS: Where in the World Is Edward Snowdiego? | The IRS & Darrell Issa’s Gut | The Word - Truthinews | Tiny Triumphs - Laser Klan
SUIT REPORT: Black Pin Striped suit | Light Blue Shirt | Gold Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, June 24, 2013
Stephen interrogates himself to determine if he is the real Edward Snowden.
Episode Round-Up
I would really like to shout out whoever is the webmaster at colbertnation.com. Lately, the episodes have been up promptly, with the vids properly tagged. And the new redesign is making covering the episodes that much easier. If they just enable a transcription function, we here at CNH will be home free. (Hint, hint.) But really, kudos, guys. We appreciate you.
Stephen is having so much fun with Edward Snowden, and at least it’s a non-tragic story in that no one has been killed. It’s just our right to privacy that has been pretty much permanently massacred on a global scale, but no matter, right? Our fearless host was also having great fun with the KKK segment in Tiny Triumphs. But that “Laser Klan” graphic was really worth the 6-year wait. I found myself giggling throughout the whole thing. We also saw a great return of the Word with “Truthinews” surely on its way to becoming a new entry in Webster’s Dictionary.
Andrew Solomon made for a very upbeat, friendly guest (we need more of those, everyone is far too serious about their subject matter.) And a profound one, as well. “Exceptional” children, if you have the opportunity to work with them or have them in your life, (ahem, llama) will leave an indelible mark on you. I had the opportunity in my younger years to work with children with disabilities at Chicago’s Misericordia, and I will never forget the wonderfulness of the children I met there for as long as live. I would like to do something more to contribute to that great organization in my lifetime. It’s on the to-do list.
What did you think of the episode? Let us know in the comments.
Where in the World Is Edward Snowdiego?
Stephen struggles to find “Moscow” on the world map, even with Jimmy’s assistance. Nice prop though.
- Former NSA analyst and current Drone Bait Edward Snowden has gone missing. This computer whiz has hit escape, control-alt-deleted himself, and has avoided being caps-locked up….(awkward pause) F7.
- Yes, a global game of hide and seek. Why did we agree to count all the way to 100! And has anyone checked behind the curtains in the living room.
- If I get [the game] right, I could win a trip to anywhere in the continental United States. Ooooh! I have always wanted to go to Queens. Hold on, reminder: I gotta get my shots.
- [Snowden] was supposed to be on a flight this morning from Moscow to Havana, Cuba, but a reporter on the flight tweeted a photo of Snowden’s empty seat. Meaning either he didn’t show or he was in the bathroom. After all, he is a known leaker! (High fives the “high-fiving hand”)
“Jay, are you Edward Snowden?” “No, I’m Jay.” “Are you sure? You’re white, and you have glasses.” “So are you!”
The IRS & Darrell Issa’s Gut
- Barack Obama has been engulfed in so many scandals, you almost forget he’s black.
- [referencing Michele Bachmann] You’re here, you’re clear, and if you happen to be queer my husband runs a camp that can cure you with Jesus!
- …California congressman and mafia tribute face, Darrell Issa…..
“Did you hear that? Certain things are true, and that’s under penalty of crimes, which means, I believe, if they’re lying, they have to go commit a crime! And that’s against the law.”
- Remember the old saying, “What happens in Cincinnati…nothing happens in Cincinnati.”
- [Issa] refused to release the full [IRS deposition's] transcripts, for a very good reason, which he also refused to release. […] It turns out Issa was right - to not want the transcript released.
The Word - Truthinews
- G*ddammit. So this scandal is not connected to Obama. I don’t want to hear that. I want to hear tonight’s Word.
- I don’t know about you, but I don’t watch the news to see what I don’t want to hear. And I shouldn’t have to, these days there’s a news channel for everyone. Conservatives have Fox, liberals have MSNBC, and the elderly who lost the remote in 1998 have Headline News.
- Cable networks have one cardinal rule [fire Paula Deen.] That rule is tell their viewers what they want to hear. Speaking of which, tune in tomorrow tonight for my special report: “Have You Lost Weight?”
- Television news isn’t only saying what you want to hear, they’re letting you hear you say it.
- Just like anchorman Walter Cronkite used to say, “And that’s the way I think it was, I dunno, we’ll figure it out tomorrow.”
- Cable news is increasingly putting the “Me” in “Media. [and the "Ew" in "News]
- Take that, key deposition. CNN has a poll.
“Now folks, years ago I gave you something called “truthiness,” ignoring what the facts say, and instead, going with what feels right in your gut. [Factivia?] You know what happens when you put a bunch of those guts together [ A Human Centipede?] (audience groans) You turn truthiness into “truthinews.”
With truthinews, cable news networks have only one obligation [Pretend Kanye West is News?] Their obligation is to report whatever the American people already think. ["We Report What You Decided."]
Luckily, now, truthinews is here to usher in a new standard of broadcasting. First, we ask you what you think the news is, then report that news you told us back to you, then take an insta-twitter poll to see if you feel informed by yourself, which we will read on the air until we reach that golden day that we are so responsive to our viewers, that cable news is nothing more than a mirror, a logo, and a news crawl.”
Tiny Triumphs - Laser Klan
- Folks, when it comes to the Ku Klux Klan, I am no Flu Flux Fan. For one thing, white after Labor Day? No. That is a hate crime against fashion. But yesterday I saw a story that made me realize that today’s KKK is not your father’s Klan. And yes, I am implying that your father was in the Klan.
- I had [the graphic] made when George Lucas was here, he asked me not to use it for some reason.
“Now I am not sure how authorities uncovered the Klan’s radiation cannon, but they might have been tipped off by the new robes.”
Now, folks, don’t get me wrong, these guys are deranged lunatics who have no place in society, but as with every Ku Klux Klan death ray story I encounter, I believe you’ve got to look on the bright side. We may think of these guys as backwoods, racist hate mongers, but it turns out that some of them are urban, enlightened hate mongers.
Folks I believe this was what Martin Luther King was talking about when he dreamt of a day when people of all creeds and colors could sit together at the Table of Brotherhood to discuss microwaving Arabs.
- It is a little embarrassing for me, because I never thought these ignorant bigots could ever be smart enough to build a death ray. It turns out I was just blinded by my own prejudice, I judged these klansmen on the color of their robes, and not on the content of their radioactive murder machine.
Stephen underestimates the KKK’s evil acumen: “Ku Klux Klan, I apologize. I can’t imagine that anyone could ever take that out of context.”
Interview - Andrew Solomon
Andrew Solomon described an incident from his childhood that taught him about differences between children and their parent’s expectations.
Stephen: Why do you say “exceptional,” some of these kids we used to call “special.”
Andrew: We are trying to come up with terms to define them all the time, and what is the term that conveys, “this is really difficult and not what I wanted, and, this became the joy of my life.”
Andrew: The experience of having a disabled child is not what you were looking for, but it is ultimately something in which there are rewards.
Andrew: I always think of someone at the internment of the ashes of a son who had died tragically, she said, “Let me bury here the rage I feel to have been twice robbed: once of the child I wanted, and once of the son I loved.”
Wow. “The Word” was phenomenal. The point Stephen made was just beyond brilliant. I very much enjoyed the interview with Andrew Solomon. It ended on such a touching note.
PS - I am truly grateful for everyone here at the CNH. You ladies seriously ROCK! Consistently excellent work.
Tip of the Hat!
+8
@Clem: Thanks Clem. We pour a lot of love into this site. It is obvious that Stephen and crew give 185% every day in producing the show, so we feel they deserve a site that does same. But your support makes it worth the effort, too. Cheers.
Tip of the Hat!
+5
From a father of a special child… thank you for the wonderful ending. Mr. Colbert…. what a kind way to end your show. Thank you.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
@J.J.: Thanks J.J. for sharing with us.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
I thoroughly enjoyed that interview and I don’t really say that too often. No offense, but sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around the guest and their agenda. Anyway, I do work as a classroom aide and home based therapist to (insert word of the moment used to describe kids with an intellectual disability). It is hard to know how to describe them, especially adults. (consumers? really?) Special doesn’t really cut it anymore because everyone knows what “special” means. As long as you refer to them as “a person with autism” (for example) instead of saying something like “he’s autistic”. That way, they are a person first and not their disability.
I looked at that book on Stephen’s desk, that Mr. Solomon wrote and it is a mighty big one. I would love to read it, but I know I could never get through the whole thing. I will try to check it out though.
What a great ending. He stunned Stephen into silence.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
@llama: Llama, I also loved the last sentence of the interview. Like you, I work with Special Education students (as a Teacher Aide in a high school; I started this past September). We adults have long wordy names for various disabilities, but the ironic thing is that the Special Ed students themselves are usually more direct and “politically incorrect”. For example, one young man announced to everyone “I’m dyslexic”, and others have said “I have test anxiety” and even “I’m bipolar”. No one says, ” I am a student with xxxxxx disability.” Too wordy!
A good thing is that, at least in the school I work at, there seems to be less stigma in having a learning disability than when I was in school (in the late 70s, early 80s). The bad thing is that that our system is becoming so standardized test based, that we are setting up a lot of kids for failure.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
Loved the ‘Where in the World Is Edward Snowdiego?’ segment. Though I laughed way too hard at the alt+ ctrl + del joke *computer nerd*
Tip of the Hat!
+2