EPISODE NUMBER: 9106 (May 21, 2013)
GUESTS: Noah Feldman
SEGMENTS: Intro - 5/21/13 | Irish Potato Famine Pathogen | Cheating Death - Sun Exposure & Marijuana | Census Bureau Harassment | Noah Feldman | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Gray Suit | Striped White Shirt | Stripped Purple Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Smarty pants, Noah Feldman is back. Is The Unstoppable Force vs. the Immovable Object about to meet? We will have to see but chances are Dr. Feldman is about to get cool nailed!
Storm cloud gray suit with a fangirl purple hangman’s noose all against a sharp, striped dress shirt with French Cuffs (it’s been too long). Can you spot the mystery accessory? Come on, you can put your finger on it.
Intro - 5/21/13
Irish Potato Famine Pathogen
Who would have thought that a repugnant potato rot would be responsible for the massively awesome, Dr. Stephen T. Colbert’s career! If it hadn’t been for this famine inducing, crop destroying fungus, his wife’s family would not have run his family off their land causing his family to have to flee to the Colonies otherwise known as Rochester.
Cheating Death - Sun Exposure & Marijuana
As Dr. Colbert declares his Heart Health segment is for his viewers with hearts. Sorry, Mr. Chaney, next time!
Let’s hear it for the Cheating Death! What are your favorite side affects?
Now Mr. C shares the findings of a study that concludes that exposure to UV rays lowers blood pressure. The study subjects got to lay in a tanning booth for two 20 minutes sessions and then their blood pressure was lowered for the next hour. Now, I don’t mean to question their findings but I have to say, if I get to have two 20 minute naps, my blood pressure is lower as well. Just saying.
^^ But the mystery here is why is Mr. Colbert denying this healing affect to his fingers by obscuring the UV rays with band aids?
Does anyone else think this was perhaps his second run through of this pharmaceutical montage given how much whooping and hollering the audience is giving himself?
So, despite the fact MaryJane gives you the munchies, apparently pot smokers tend to be slimmer. Perhaps that is just because they everything, well, lightly. Colbert suggests we use this finding to fight childhood obesity by insisting the kids smoke pot.
Remember, kids, you can’t have your dessert until you have smoked your vegetables.
^^But what us attentive Hubster’s want to know, “Why do you have band aids on your fingers, Mr. C?” First the mysterious thread bracelet and now these band aids. What gives?
Census Bureau Harassment
What gives with your society wanting to know the who, what, how and when of their populous so they can plan resources and services. Surely that is just another name for Nanny State!
The Census is like your drunk Ex Boy Friend showing up at your door step!
Know what I mean, Charlene?
Interview - Noah Feldman
So a Cold War is like sibling rivalry in which the threat is mutual annihilation. A Cool War is like a troubled marriage in which the threat is embracing mutual interdependence. How about we just suggest that the US and China go out on a date night!
Score one for us, WE are the most important power in Asia right now. Take that, China!
Nowadays when I see tags under colbert nation videos that say “crystal meth, obesity,” I think “oh boy, looks like a Cheating Death!” Gotta watch out for that horrible “Downton Abcess.”
Any show when Stephen wears a purple tie is a win, and this ep was full of fun little stories, and not too political today either, which is nice. Irish potato famine, blood pressure pills (amazing reading of all those pills, and the graphics on that were really innovative, by the way), and another SC republican doing the people’s work by working to abolish vital census data.
Tip of the Hat!
+4
I have seen this show yet. But I noticed that today is the Hub’s birthday. So. Happy birthday Hub!
Thanks for making this all possible, Katt! I couldn’t keep in contact with all my friends (while not violating the conditions of the restraining order) without you!
Tip of the Hat!
+4
Why thank you so much @Mr. Arkadin!!
Colbert News Hub, Respecting Restraining Orders Since 2013.
Tip of the Hat!
+5
@Mr. Arkadin:
And we’re glad you’re here, speaking to us from your safe place, Mr. Arkadin!
Oh, by the way, about restraining orders? I have seen a David Hallberg performance in the past week with no legal commotion. I will be seeing another (I hope) tomorrow. If I’m arrested, will you bail me out?
Tip of the Hat!
+2
@Karenatasha: “And we’re glad you’re here, speaking to us from your safe place, Mr. Arkadin!”
Thank you very much, Karenatasha! But, for the record, I prefer the term “undisclosed location” over “safe place.” It’s more in keeping with my delusions of grandeur.
And I would totally bail you out of jail! You’re not only my friend, but how else would I get that show reporT you owe me?
.
Tip of the Hat!
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@Mr. Arkadin: I stand corrected. “Undisclosed location,” it is.
And touché: kudos to you for slipping that reminder in! I will get it done this Memorial Day weekend. I should finally have the time.
But not to worry; I keep my promises! I will also do my best to make sure you don’t have to keep yours and bail me out. So far, simply watching a performance hasn’t gotten me into any trouble!
Tip of the Hat!
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@Karenatasha: That’s great! And with the shows dark next week, it’ll be the perfect time for your reporT. I’m really looking forward to it. Your one of the Hub’s best writers. Quite possibility THE best!
Tip of the Hat!
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@Mr. Arkadin:
*Blushing furiously* Thank you. Flattery will get you everywhere. Or at the very least, it’ll get you a ReporT.
Tip of the Hat!
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Another great show! Always enjoy the “Cheat Death” segments and to see Stephen take down another “altruistic” member of Congress.
But I do have a question. Yes, it’s silly and not a big deal at all, but now, I’m just plain curious. Monday night and last night, I noticed three band-aids on Stephen’s fingers (two on one hand, one on the other). Now, I wouldn’t give it much of a thought if this was a random sighting, but I noticed a similar situation three weeks ago. He had at least two band-aids on his fingers, same area. I didn’t bring it up then, because I thought, “ok..whatever…people cut themselves.” But now…the second time? Again, not a huge deal but I’m just plain curious! Maybe he’s been participating in hand-wrestling matches outside of the show. He has been challenged lately quiet a bit.
Tip of the Hat!
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@StephenSmile64: hmmmm…. maybe he’s giving blood? I just did yesterday and had to have my blood checked for iron levels by a finger prick on both hands. Only thing is, you have to wait more than three weeks. Could be some sort of medical thing though. I like your hand wrestling idea best though haha.
Tip of the Hat!
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@StephenSmile64: @Erika:
I’ve got the answer to the band-aid question, ladies. It’s a tribute to the character Les Nessman from the 70′s sitcom WKRP! And Stephen is having some kind of flashback! There’s no other logical explanation.
Glad I could solve that riddle for you gals. You’re welcome!
Tip of the Hat!
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@Erika: The band-aids are not on his fingertips; they are in between his fingernails and knuckles (not that I paid much attention).
But really, my tv is HD, so when the camera does a close-up, it just jumps off of the screen (well, not literally. That would be pretty scary). 
There were a few friends on my FB page that also posted they noticed the same thing, so I have no idea. I will have to look again tonight. 
@Mr. Arkadin: Upon further reflection, you may be correct!
Tip of the Hat!
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@StephenSmile64: Maybe he is building another boat again or he is like me and somehow manages to get more paper cuts on my hands than I have hairs on my head.
Perhaps we should start a new semi-regular post ‘Band Aid Watch with StephenSmile’, now that you’ve started us all on a new obsession.
Tip of the Hat!
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@Katt:
Great idea! I will start…
I did not see any Band Aids last night!
Tip of the Hat!
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Pretty purple tie and Cheating Death! Nice. Also, Stephen failed to mention two of the three medications I take for my blood pressure.
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‘Cheating Death’, what a mouthful! I wonder how many takes it took him?
Tip of the Hat!
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