EPISODE NUMBER: 9104 (May 16, 2013)
GUEST: Daniel Lieberman
SEGMENTS: Intro - 5/16/13 | Asparagusgate | Tip/Wag - Wind Turbines & China | 3D Printed Guns | Sign Off - Barefoot Shoes
SUIT REPORT: Dark Grey, subtly pinstriped jacket | crisp white dress shirt | matching grey tie with light grey diamond pattern
VIDEOS: Thursday, May 16 2013
Stephen’s posing-hot-pouty face again!
Intro
“Tonight, Is there a downside to windmills? Well, they’re always in the way at mini-golf…then, will printable weapons end all gun control and does that make Hewlett Packard the HPNRA?…and my guest Dr. Daniel Lieberman is a Harvard Professor who studies long distance running, or as I call it, driving. A prison inmate is suing Taco Bell for stealing his Doritos taco shell idea and also for his Doritos taco shiv idea. This is The Colbert Report.”
Asparagusgate
Obama has been so plagued by scandal that for guys like Stephen it is like Christmas morning. “By the way, why are all the presents wrapped, what are they trying to hide?”
Atty. General Eric Holder answered questions on Capitol Hill. No wait, he was grilled. No wait, he was peppered with questions.
“Mmm, grilled and peppered. That explains why Darrell Issa was wearing that ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron.”
Louis Gohmert, “congressman and magical talking cantaloupe” was also on hand to grill up some AG.
(Did he just say ‘cast aspersions on my asparagus???)
“How dare you cast aspersions on that man’s asparagus? What is next, sir? Libeling his lettuce? Questioning his quinoa, arguing with his arugula? Repudiating his rutabaga? Vilifying his vinaigrette before drizzling it on the scandal salad?”
I can’t for the life of me, figure out what that cantaloupe meant by that. Either he was really hungry for lunch and maybe there was a picture of Asparagus within his view or he had to go to the bathroom and there was a really strong odor in the room.
Tip/Wag - Wind Turbines & China
Wind turbines are killing eagles and China wants to broker a peace deal with the Middle East. Who are we to stop them?
About once a month, an eagle is killed by a wind turbine. “In your face, tree huggers!”
I think only on The Colbert Report can a segment go from talking about eagles dying from wind turbines and end up talking about Burgess Meredith from the Twilight Zone and a cursed monkey paw powered car.
The Obama administration has gone after oil and electric companies for their crimes against animals but not wind-energy companies and Stephen knows why.
“If a politician says, ‘I will call a hearing to break big oil’, everybody cheers, but if you shout ‘I will break big wind’, they just laugh at you.”
“Next up on the T-Wags…”
China wants to be the big superpower who can finally achieve peace in the Middle East. Okay, have at it.
“I guess you guys win. Take the Middle East. We’ll be over here, painting Afghanistan.”
3D Printed Guns
The legality of people printing out their own guns from files off the internet, using a 3D printer, is becoming an issue and the government wants the files pulled down until they can investigate further. This is the same technology that was demonstrated on the show about a year ago. The maker-bot guy was on the show and printed out Stephen’s head.
Now you can print out guns and a 25 year old law student from Texas is very ambivalent about his reasons.
I love Stephen’s mimicry of the guy.
Interview - Daniel Lieberman
It was a very interesting interview. I am a runner and I hate it so anything that might make it easier is welcomed. I’ve seen those toe shoes and have been reluctant to try them, but I saw a few people who were running in the Boston marathon, wearing them.
When was the last time a guest got Stephen to run while holding his butt?
GOODNIGHT!
Loved the interview tonight. You have terrific ankles, Mr. C!
I am sure there was a tremor in the fangirl force when you got to clench and then grasp your marvelous gluteus maximus.
Tip of the Hat!
+5
“Asparagusgate” - I lost it over that one!
I really like the GIF up above, by the way. Very cool!
Tip of the Hat!
+3
All that talk about eagles made me think that Stephen would update us on the status of his long, lost son Stephen Jr. Does anyone know what happen to the tyke?
I cooked asparagus this evening! I told everyone I would be making them ribs with “Gohmerts.” After I explained what “Gohmerts” were, not one wanted asparagus.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
All that talk about eagles made me think that Stephen would update us on the status of his long, lost son Stephen Jr. Does anyone know what happen to the tyke?
@Mr. Arkadin: I have heard that he has recently become a father.
Tip of the Hat!
+2
@Katt “I have heard that he has recently become a father.”
Really? Kids! They grow up so fast. *Wistful sigh* I wonder why Stephen didn’t mention this? His first grandchild! Maybe Jr. had the child out of wedlock? Oh, dear!
Tip of the Hat!
+2
@Mr. Arkadin: This is apparently him [Link]
Perhaps an eagle aficionado can confirm his where abouts.
Tip of the Hat!
+1
If I had a penny for every time I said, “don’t cast aspersions on my asparagus.” Ok, I think when Gohmert does this kind of stuff now he is just asking for a free sound bite on the Report, flattering or no. Or asparagus.
“You are really evolutionarily advantaged…and I cannot lie.” You other brothers can’t deny. Was also totally digging the footie shoes, in that it allowed Stephen to display a scandalous amount of ankle at the interview table.
Tip of the Hat!
+3
Holding your butt while running is definitely not the correct way to engage the glutes. The fact is that Prof. Daniel Lieberman does not know how to engage the glutes.
I have information on how to engage the glutes naturally. The secret that the elite athletes like Lebron James, Michael Jordan are using subconsciously but we are not.
Everyone can flex their abs, but not their butt.
My work can be found in my published book “Secret of Athleticism”.
Tip of the Hat!
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