April 17, 2013 — Alan Cumming

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The Colbert Report episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 9087 (April 17, 2013)
GUESTS: Alan Cumming | Adam Davidson
SEGMENTS: Ricin Letters & Boston Bombing Suspects | Bitcoin Plunge | Bitcoin Plunge - Adam Davidson | “Accidental Racist” Song | Alan Cumming | Sign Off - Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Gray window panel suit | White shirt | Patterned pale blue tie | White cowboy hat
VIDEOS: Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Alan Cumming (please refrain from the adolescent boy jokes, I am sure he has heard them all) will be on the show tonight to talk about The Scottish Play, you know, the play you can’t not name. We’ll have to see if Mr. Colbert ends up saying, “Out Damn Spot” and drives him from the studio. Thank you both for singing tonight! Update in place.

A windowpane threading on his gray suit, cuddling a starched and pressed, white dress shirt all graced by that amazing pale blue, patterned spit catcher.

>Wait for it, he dons a white cowboy hat later in the show and this week, doesn’t reveal what exactly has replaced his WristStrong but it is something that looks like a friendship bracelet, Madelaine might wear back from camp.

Ricin Letters & Boston Bombing Suspects

Stephen confessed he doesn’t recognize this Senator, wondering if he was a patio furniture salesman. Stephen wondered out loud if all Senators were now being named after furniture. Well, yes, Sir, “Lazyboy” comes to mind.

Bitcoin Plunge

Bitcoins! Virtual doubloons for dolts!

“BUY! BUY! BUY!”

We were treated to the some what rare “Stephen Colbert feign vomiting.”

Bitcoin Plunge - Adam Davidson

When asked what Adam Davidson advised concerning Bitcoin as an investment, he didn’t hesitate to proclaim, “Don’t buy.”

“Accidental Racist” Song

Stephen’s review of that awful song was just MASSIVE!

As he proclaimed, “Suckage!”

Then launched into his own “awful song” to unite the nation over gay marriage. And his is joined by Alan in his “Urban Gay” outfit.

Loved Alan Cumming’s last, almost throw away line, “Me thinks he doth protest too much.” LMAO.

Here you go, the lyrics so you can sing both parts while in the shower …

To the man stretching next to to me
At the crunch gym down on main
I hope you understand
When I told you “God hates fags”
The only thing I meant to say is
I’m a Skynyrd fan

Hay Mr Straight Man
I wish you understood
What it is like to live in the world
When you look this good
It don’t make me a freak that
I bunch nine times a week
I loved you to buy a Mojito
Gossip through the air
I see your show every night and
I think you wish I wasn’t a queer

You don’t judge my tight pants
I won’t judge you dance
Whatever
If you don’t judge my parades
I’ll forget what you said about monkeys and AIDS

I am just a straight man
Certified tit-tie fan
Not trying to be rude
when I see you are kissing dudes
I am proud of my hetero- cred
But not everything Rush Limbaugh said
Now that Gay is fine
Let’s fix Palestine

Two state solution, baby

Me thinks he doth protest too much

Interview - Alan Cumming

The description of Alan Cumming’s three person play about a psychiatric patient recounting the Scottish Play sounds remarkable.

Here is Mr. Cumming whispering into Mr. Colbert’s good ear, what he might swear having said “Macbeth” while in the theater. There is along tradition of not naming this play out loud but it sounds complicating to recover if you slip. Stephen had encouraged Alan to say out loud what swear words he would use claiming that on simple cable, that was not a problem, that he could say anything.

Stephen congratulated Alan on cleaning up nice. Note to other guests, yes, yes, Mr. Cumming does clean up nice: great silver silk suit, purple skinny tie over a demure white shirt.

Much mischief exchanged between the two of these talented performers.

Stephen asked Alan why we should listen to Shakespeare any more and Alan explains how adroit William was with human psychology. He noted that Macbeth and Lady Macbeth’s personalities combined make up on relatively whole person and, by the way, he is playing both parts on the Broadway play along with 14 others.

Alan admits to playing not only both Lady and Lord Macbeth but therefore, getting to have sex with himself. Stephen remarks that he thought many people play those roles. *nudge, nudge*

Sign Off - Goodnight

Don’t often get to see Stephen’s sole. Good night, Mr. C. Ut-oh, a fangirl slip is showing, he looks gooooood.

  • Tam

    After that Madonna/crosses comment, I stood up and clapped in my living room. Genius. And then came the SINGING

  • http://pear.ly/bqtcD Mrc

    I’ve made an mp3 of Oopsie-Daisy Homophobe.

    • dentry

      @Mrc:

      Thanks for the mp3 Mrc. But, I have a question? When I use your link to download the song, it wants me to download some software first to my computer before I can download the mp3. Is it possible that Iám not doing some right? Or do you have to download their software first? I’m just being careful, because I just don’t want to download some software on my computer that I don’t need. Thanks!

      • http://pear.ly/bqtcD Mrc

        @dentry:
        Sorry about that. You don’t have to download their software. Just don’t click on the orange ”Download” button, but the ”Download or Watch” button below that.
        Or you can use this link: http://www55.zippyshare.com/v/95102366/file.html

  • CN Helper

    Did anyone notice that bracelet he was wearing? Not the Wriststrong, it was something else. I wonder what that is from.

    • StephenSmile64

      @CN Helper: Yes, I noticed that! I wonder if it has something to do with the Boston Marathon?

      • Katt

        @StephenSmile64:

        I read on Twitter that it was a friendship bracelet. Maybe an audience member gave it to him?

      • Elanor Gamgee

        @StephenSmile64: Some how, I doubt it is “just” a fan bracelet. I think it might be something more than that for Mr. C. to wear it on the show for as many nights as we have seen it now. Wonder if it has to do with either the wounded vets he met with or with the ECB campaign.

  • Mr. Arkadin

    I loved when Stephen walked over to sing, was handed a guitar, kept walking, then handed the guitar off to another guy who gave him a mic. I thought that was hilarious! I can’t explain why.
    I watch this show with a friend. When Alan Cumming came on to sing and the crowd went wild, she said, “Is that Leonard?” “Who?! You mean Alan Cumming?” I said. “Oh, Yes! Of course!” She said. “I thought it must be that Leonard Skinard guy Stephen was talking about earlier.” “No, Lynyrd Skynyrd was a 70’s rock band! Not a guy! They did “Freebird” and “Sweet Home Alabama.” She just looked at me blankly. As if I was speaking Mandarin! I felt really old… And we’re the same age! We went back to watching them sing. In silence.
    But I really enjoyed the duet the second time I watched it. :)

  • Karenatasha

    I finally got to see the show this evening, because I arrived home very late last night. Wow. Just wow. I think it was one of Stephen’s finest. The Bitcoin interview was just great. And “Accidental Homophobe” was both hilarious and scathing. That original is so completely offensive it’s unbelievable. What amused me, too, is that I felt Stephen was pretty much out of character when he talked about how much it sucked. I in no way felt those words were coming from his “well-intentioned idiot” creation.

    And as for Alan Cumming-well, I just love him, and both the interview and his participation in the song were a joy.

  • Katt

    I honestly cannot believe that “Accidental Racist” was approved by any record label. What were they thinking?

    I am so glad Alan and Stephen were on hand to add some much needed humour to the situation.

    For anyone after the album cover of “Oopsie-Daisy Homophobe”, @ColbertReport just tweeted it: [Link]

  • Caroline

    Now that problems with my modem have been fixed, I am finally catching up with recent episodes. My gosh, this one was amazing. I love the way Stephen skewered that terrible song (and I agree he seemed out of character for the segment). The look of glee in his eye as he played the “iron chains” line and then pronounced that the song “suuuucked”. Great, great episode.

  • llama

    I had seen some headlines about the song, but didn’t read them because, well, I just didn’t care. I stand by my decision to not read them. It was good that I waited for Stephen to tackle the song. I also noticed how he was handed the guitar then handed it off again. That’s so Stephen. I loved the song, Stephen would be a great country singer if he wanted to.
    Oh Mr Arkadin, That was funny your friend thought “Leonard Skinard” was a guy. I used to think that too when I was a kid.
    I want to download that Oopsie Daisy Homophobe album cover. Stephen looks goooooood!

  • dentry

    @ Mrc: Thanks Mrc for the mp3 help. I was able to download the song. I just didn’t scroll all the way to the bottom to the download and watch button.