EPISODE NUMBER: 9079 (April 2, 2013)
GUESTS: Jim McGreevey
SEGMENTS: Gay Marriage Fraud | We Are At War - North Korea | We Are At War - North Korea - Victor Cha | Florida’s Bong Bill | Sign Off - Good Night
SUIT REPORT: Grey Suit | White Shirt | Red tie with skinny white stripes
VIDEOS: Tuesday, April 2, 2013

What a nice, meaty episode. We had a really good break down of the current turbulence on the Korean peninsula, what with Kim Jong Un doing his best to get the U.S.’ attention. I thought Victor Cha was a great guest to help broaden everything Stephen had stated so nicely. The best part was The Blob and the commie Kim comparison - what a brilliant synthesis. Things got a little trippy when the Florida Bong Bill came up - in some states pot is legal, in other states, you’re on your own to hew your own bongs, I guess. Stoners will find a way, always. Guest Jim McGreevey did a good job of staying on course and putting forth why helping addicted inmates is smart for moral and practical reasons.

What did you think of the ep? Sound off in the comments.

Gay Marriage Fraud

• Thank you, I would be nothing without your support, except rich and famous.

• 2 men and 2 women do not have the equipment to have sex. I have seen videos on the internet where they try for hours and hours, but they just end up all sweaty and exhausted. It’s sad.

• Yes, a free ride! This entire battle about marriage equality has really been about straight men trying to get free health care. Because there is one thing I know about straight guys, is that they will jump at any chance for their peers to think they might be gay.

We Are At War - North Korea

• For years, people have laughed at my Cold War Update, sounding the alarm against the Red Menace. Sure, Russia may have evolved into an economic ally full of blood thirsty oligarchs, and the Chinese are now trading partners. We sell them our national debt, and in exchange, they give us artistically posed prison corpses.

• The Korean Armistice is null and void. Ladies and gentlemen, that means we. are. at. war! No, no, Jimmy, not Afghanistan. The new war!

• The Korean War was only “suspended.” And now the cease fire has been torn up by Kim Jong Un, so Korean War veterans, of the Jazzy grandpa! Duty calls!

• This is a real war, with a nation with an army, with uniforms we recognize, and hats so big they double as soup tureens. That is, if they had any soup. And led by a real, tyrannical dictator, who is propping up his regime by ordering his diplomats to become drug dealers in embassies throughout the world, providing them with “state manufactured, high quality meth,” and instructing them to “raise $300,000 each.” It’s just like the Girl Scouts raising money by selling thin mints, except crystal meth is less addictive.

• Now Kim Jong Un-reasonable has been pushed to the brink by U.N. Sanctions against his country. Apparently, they had embargoed the last two products you could sell to North Korea: non shiny pebbles and Bob Seger cassettes. (Stephen breaks a little here.)

• Now [Jong Un] can play mine sweeper on the computer, instead of his old way - by sending peasants into a field.

• Yes, Austin, TX. No surprise there. Kim Jong Un is a sworn enemy of the South by Southwest Festival.

• “Kim Jong Un”: “I say, let’s turn Austin into a desolate wasteland, like Houston.”

We Are At War - North Korea - Victor Cha

• Victor Cha: The North Koreans…know that the Chinese don’t want them to collapse. If North Korea collapses, China gets a South Korea, U.S. ally, right on their border. So they kind of have China by the you-know-whats.

• Stephen: I don’t know what, what do they have them by?

• VC: They’ve go them by the chop sticks, if you will.

Florida’s Bong Bill

• Sorry, stoners. If you want to get high in Florida, you’ll have to get a prescription like everybody else.

• Folks, this is a comprehensive list of mellows that have been harshed.

• Stoners are like MacGyver. The can turn any household item into a bong, then spend the afternoon watching MacGyver.

• Don’t put anything past these doob-it yourselfers.

Interview

• Jim McGreevey: The idea is that we can re-claim all of these women’s lives. So I work with them spiritually and I try to develop a new set of values in their lives.

• Stephen: Jesus said, “you’ve got to go and visit the people in the jail,” right? He said when you’re visiting people in the jail, you are visiting me.

• JM: He did.

• Stephen: Do you ever see these women and you go, “you’re like Jesus.” “You’re my Jesus.”

• JM: In many cases, I believe in many cases these women are as good as what Jesus meant for us to be.

• Stephen: (incredulously) What? You’re saying Jesus was a criminal? Jesus was an addict?

• JM: Well, clearly he was to the Roman authorities.

Jim McGreevey: “I am saying that we have the wrong attitudes towards incarcerated people. I would suggest that if 70% of people behind bars are addicts, we would do far better off for treating their addiction, which is the proximate cause of their criminal behavior, as just opposed to allowing them to languish in toll time behind bars.”