EPISODE NUMBER: 9004 (October 4, 2012)
GUESTS: Dr. George Church
SEGMENTS: Obama’s Debate Apathy & PBS | Impotent Debate Rage | Mitt’s Socialist Rhetoric & Body Language | Mitt Romney’s Etch A Sketch Behavior | Voter Fraud Alert - Halloween & Pennsylvania
SUIT REPORT: Black Suit | White Shirt | Blue striped tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, October 4, 2012
Stephen and team TCR’s response to the first debate was bodacious, and pitch-perfect. More to come, but what did you think of the ep? Be sure to comment! [Updated]
This episode was just amazing! A little “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now” dancing in the audience led to multi-prop hilarity, including the face mask, which I am trying figure out how they plugged it into the “box” on screen. Also, a paint mixer, and an adorable bunny rabbit. The prop guy had a GREAT time trying to rangle all the stuff need for this show, I am sure.
There were so many great jokes packed into this ep, listening to the audience roar was as good of a testament to just how on top of his game Stephen was.
Be sure to check out the interview with Dr. Church. It is the most raucous one I have seen Stephen do with a scientist guest. And his expression at the end with the 20-million copies worth of DNA was priceless.
Obama’s Debate Apathy & PBS
- Folks it is a whole new horse race! Mitt smoked Obama! Metaphorically of course, Mormons can’t smoke.
It was like Obama wasn’t even there. He hasn’t done this poorly since he debated Clint Eastwood.
- Meanwhile, Romney was Alpha Mitt, slapping Obama around, and anyone else who got in Mitt’s way.
“He just told the moderator, who works at PBS, ‘I’m gonna throw your ass out on the street, Old Man!’ Not only you- but all those free-loading muppets! That takes not just one ball, but two, two enormous balls.”
Impotent Debate Rage
- But folks, as much as I enjoyed the triumph of the Willard, what I loved most was the heart-warming pants crapping over at MSNBC.
- I just got to get another taste of Chris Matthews here. I want to jack him in right here…so I can feast upon his impotent rage.
Mitt’s Socialist Rhetoric & Body Language
Folks, I am not surprised that Romney crushed it, because this debate was right in his wheelhouse: Soul crushing boredom.
- In fact, it was so tedious, I think this man in front row fell asleep. (shows Jim Lehrer)
- It was off the hook! In that it would have been more interesting to listen to a dial tone.
- But however wonky it got last night there was a fire breathing leftie on that stage, spewing heated, socialist rhetoric.
- Yes, Mitt’s health care plan is just like his positions: the details change state-by-state.
“As a staunch, conservative, I condemn any Republican who distances themselves from everything he has said on the campaign trail. But it worked, so f**k it.”
“And definitely not a big, bright Brit Hume smile like this.” (my closed captioning said “bright rick human smile”)
So ultimately, choosing the leader of the free world is clearly all about how it looks.
- For those of you who didn’t have an hour and half to waste last night, here’s how it looked.
Mitt Romney’s Etch A Sketch Behavior
- Now of course a lot of belly achers on the left (incidentally, belly aching not covered under Romney’s plan) insisted on paying attention to the words they said, and pointed out that Mitt changing almost all of his positions could backfire.
- (sarcastically) Oh no! Mitt could lose the fact-checking race. Quick, some fact checker should research how many electoral college votes the swing state of Factchecksylvania has – because I think it’s even fewer than North-I -don’t-give-a –s**t.
- Folks, the fact check mafia is just upset because Romney won by pivoting. Exactly like his senior advisor Eric Fernstrom said he was going to do after the primary. And everyone agrees last night Mitt was pretty “sketchy.”
- Before the debate, Mitt’s campaign said, “Romney will come across as empathetic.”
“But here’s what Mitt’s been promising for the last two years: tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. How do you make that seem warm and fuzzy? Well you just go to shake it up as hard as Mitt did last night.”
- Folks, if you watch this show you know I have been fighting all year to stamp out voter fraud, because if even one fraudster shows up at the polls in November, that would tarnish the integrity of an election the Koch brothers paid good money for. That’s why tonight I have two Colbert Voter Fraud Alerts.
Voter Fraud Alert - Halloween & Pennsylvania
“My sources tell me that just six days before the election, millions of Americans are planning to disguise themselves as some sort of trick. That’s why we need voter ID. How do we know she’s really a sexy crayon?”
- Plus we are more vulnerable to fraud than ever, which brings me to my second alert.
- That is ridiculous, they will have their IDs by November 6th, if they go to the DMV.…now.
- Asking for the ID is now meaningless, but we’re still allowed the consolation prize of harassing voters for no reason. And if we add some other intimidation tactics I think we can make the wrong kind of voters so uncomfortable, they’ll just turn around and go home. I say we start with a cavity search. You’re free to vote but first you have to let us pull back your curtain and take a few yanks on that lever.
- After that, we simply judge their outfit. “You’re going to wear that? To vote? What is that a sweater? I can’t stop you from voting, but I should stop you from dressing. By the way, your ass is huge. Does it have its own congressman? No seriously, go vote, I am sure it will make all this better.
- And then, to escort you to the voting booth, we have your ex-girlfriend. She’ll be so happy to see that you are finally out of the house and doing things, because she and Brad were really worried about you. By the way, this is Brad. You’ve probably seen him in all those cologne ads. Of course, he only does those to pay for his penis-reduction therapy, it hasn’t worked yet, but she’s patient with his progress.
- Then you’re free to go in there and make your voice heard. And on the way out, you’ll get a sticker that says, “I farted.”
Interview
“So this piece of paper right there, contains 20 million copies of this book.” (then motions to eat it)
Sign Off - Rabbit Food